Silent Soliloquies: Inked Untouched

8

"If you are brave enough to say goodbye, life will reward you with a new hello." - Paulo Coelho

To My Bal;

It was good to see you again after a long time.

The other day, nauna ako dumating sayo. Nakailang labas-pasok ka sa bahay pero di mo ata napansin na nasa loob ako. Hindi ko alam kung iiwasan na lang ba kita o hindi. Pero eventually napansin mo din na nasa bahay ako. Nag offer ako ng fist bump sayo and you took it. So, I think okay pa din tayo. Nag exam ako and from time to time tumatabi ka sakin. Sorry kase di kita makausap ng maayos dahil sa mga dapat gawin sa school.

The next day, kasal naman ng lolo at lola mo. Kasama mo girlfriend mo. Hindi ko alam kung alam nya pero hopefully she knows. She just smiled at me and I smiled back. Pero all throughout na magkasama kayo, hindi kita makausap. Kaya ako na din umiwas, kase baka hindi okay sa kanya. After kumain pumunta na ako sa kabila to stay there. Kaso walang signal kaya need ko lumabas ng bahay at mag ikot para makahanap ng spot kung saan may signal.

Pabalik ka na from somewhere, ikaw lang mag isa at nakita mo ako sa labas. Malayo pa lang pero you open your arms wide as a gesture to ask for a hug but then I just smiled back. Lumapit ka sakin, we had a small talk then bumalik ka na ulit sa kabilang bahay. Few hours later, nawalan ng kuryente. Need ko ng powerbank kaya pumunta ako sa kabila. On my way there, nagkasalubong tayo half-way. And you tried to ask for a hug pa din pero nag low five na lang tayo like what athletes do. Sorry if I can't hug you back. I wanted to pero ayoko din mag selos girlfriend mo sakin. I know how it felt, Bal. We've been there, we've done that.

Day after that, dumating ka to eat breakfast. You sat near me. Small talk, even asked you if  you could pass me a glass of water. My mom asked you kung nasaan girlfriend mo, mukhang close talaga sila. Pero sabagay, di naman na ako magtataka kase everytime na punta nila kayo kayo magka kasama.

Bumalik ako sa kabila, stayed at your mom's. Sumunod ka to charge your phone. I asked if I can do the same and you allowed me to. Kinausap kita kase hinanap ka sa akin ng best friend mo. I even explain to you na hindi kita kinakausap kase umiiwas din ako baka mag selos girlfriend mo.

You caught me off guard. You hug me from behind. Pero sige, pagbigyan baka namiss mo lang din ako kase tagal din natin di nagkasama. Though it was a bit awkward. Pinuntahan mo best friend mo. Nauna kayo bumalik sa mga lola. Nag inum and I sat in that circle. Hanggang sa inutusan kayo to buy more drinks. Antagal nyo bumalik so I tried to text you. Pagbalik mo, kunukulit mo ako. You ask for a kiss. Bal, no. I can't. Even though we are super close, I can't give you what you asked from me. I know my limits. May girlfriend ka.

Umalis ako ng hindi nagpaalam sayo ng personal kase busy ka. Nagka text tayo for a while. Pero sobrang unexpected kase tumawag ka sakin ng gabi and your drunk. Sanay ako na tumatawag ka sakin before ng lasing to rant and all pero iba kase ngayon bal, your in a relationship. Let's set boundaries.

I just hope your okay. I hope you'll take care of yourself and your health. And know that I'll always be here for you, got your back.

xoxo,

Your Bal