Mental.

Chapter 8

It's 12:29, and I'm counting down the seconds for the bell to ring.

3, 2-

Bringggg.

It's like the bell is a mechanical switch, turning kids from silent, still, statues, into a loud mob.

Even though I'm excited for lunch, I am not excited for the walk to lunch; walking from class to class is officially my least favorite part of the day, and I've only been here for a few hours. I haven't told anyone, but during each walk from class to class today, I've gotten really stressed, and the only thing that has saved me from having another one of those attacks is doing what the doctor told me; taking ten long, deep breaths. It doesn't completely stop the stress, but it does somewhat calm me down.

The walk from ELA to lunch goes exactly like the other walks, and I'm so happy to get to the lunch room.

Shoot. I got too excited. I forgot that I'm going to have to find Logan in a room with 120 kids.

"Brooklyn! There you are! I was getting worried!"

"Logan! Oh, thank god you're here."

"Here, come with me."

Logan leads me to a small table where a boy with long, black hair is sitting.

"Brooklyn, this is River. River, this is Brooklyn."

"Hey, Brooklyn! What's up?"

"H-hey, River! Not much."

"Oh, Brooklyn, before I forget, what are your pronouns?"

"What do you mean?"

"Like, do you go by she/her, they/them, he/him, etcetera."

"Oh, um, she/her, I guess?"

"Cool!"

I'm pretty confused by this question. I don't even understand what they/them means, but I feel like it's safer not to ask right now. We just met, and I don't want to act like the clueless one.

"Anyway, my pronouns are they/them, just so you know."

Well now I really want to ask, but I still don't want to take any risks.

"Oh, um, okay?" I say. River and Logan look at me weirdly.

Oh no. Was that a weird way to answer? Does everyone know what this means except me?

"Brooklyn, do you... know what it means to have they/them pronouns?"

"Oh, yeah, totally!" I say with a big smile. But then my smile turns into a sigh.

"I'm sorry, I... I don't understand it at all."

Please don't think I'm weird, please don't think I'm weird.

"Well, that's okay," Logan says.

"Yeah, we can explain," says River. "So, basically, pronouns are part of how you identify yourself. For example, you may have been born a girl, but you feel more like yourself using he/him pronouns instead of she/her. I personally feel like myself using they/them pronouns because sometimes I feel feminine, sometimes I feel masculine, sometimes I feel both, and sometimes I feel neither. Hope that makes sense."

"That's pretty cool. I never really thought about that, because, well, I've never met anyone who uses pronouns that don't match their birth gender. But it's cool meeting one now!"

River smiles, and so does Logan.

I smile too, because for once today I feel... safe.