" No way ! N-No fucking way !" Eddie crosses his arms and turned away from the others. " Oh, come on, Eds," Richie persisted.
" It's the rules. You have to kiss me !"
____________________________________
After a game of spin t...
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Eddie's panicked pacing was getting more and more intense with every step. His overthinking quickly overcame him and every time he thought he was getting out of that headspace, his thoughts would take over ultimately leaving him more upset than he was prior. He covered his ears and sat on his bed, hoping and praying that these thoughts would leave him be so things could go back to how they were before.
Before, when Richie picked on him, he never thought twice about it. But, now, after everything that's happened between them, he doesn't have a clue what to think anymore. His entire life, he was told that being attracted to someone of the same sex wasn't considered normal. If his mom knew he kissed and boy and enjoyed it, what would she do to him?
Yell at him?
Ground him?
Send him away?!
Two of those were significantly more scary than one but that's not the point. The one and only person Eddie was scared of disappointing in this world just so happens to be his mother. Quite frankly, Derry's opinion didn't necessarily concern him. But, his mother's? That's a completely different story.
"You don't like him." Eddie's conscious tried to convince himself."It was just a stupid, meaningless kiss. Curiosity." he stated this out loud, trying to further convince himself that boys were the last thing on his mind. Richie was the last person on his mind. He hated Richie. They've never gotten along, so why does one stupid kiss change anything between them? Why should it, anyway?
As he sat there, thinking away, he heard the faint screech of car tires pulling into the driveway. Panicked, he rushed over to his window, peeking through the blinds. He groaned, "Mom's home."
He sighed, trying to gather himself before having to greet his mother. He knew that if he walked down there with a lot on his mind, his mother would automatically know that something was eating away at her son.
"Eddie? Eddie, are you home?" She called out.
Edd takes a deep breath before responding, "Yes ma'am. I-I'll be down in a second."
***
Dinner was awkward to say the least. Eddie barely touched his food, as he wasn't in the mood to eat, his thoughts already filled him up hours prior. It didn't help the situation when he would respond dryly to his mother's questions and statements. Eddie wasn't making it easy for himself.
"Is something wrong with your food, Eddie?" his mother asked, looking up at him and expecting him to do the same and look up at her as well.
Instead, he shook his head. "N-No, ma'am. It's fine."
"Well, you've barely touched it." she pointed out. "And, you just seem off tonight? Did something happen?" It's as if she already knew, which caused Eddie to feel even more guilty. Guilty for what? Eddie didn't even know anymore.
He stayed silent, not wanting to relive the situation anymore. His mother noticed his sudden stand-offish-ness.
"Eddie, please, what's the matter?" she had this calm, and sweet tone to her voice. "You know you can talk to me." But, Eddie knew better; he knew that if he admitted to have kissed a boy, then his mother would lose her sweet tone real quick. Honestly, he never really understood why loving someone of the same gender was considered bad, or 'sinful', in the words of his mother.
He was always told that being gay was a one-way ticker to Hell, but he was never really told why. If God is so accepting and loves all of his children, then why does he pick and choose who goes to Heaven. Christianity never made a lick of sense to Eddie, but his mother seemed to enjoy believing in something, and who was he too question something she loved?
But now...well, now he didn't know what to believe.
Eddie suddenly sets his fork down on his plate, and let out a soft, short breath. "Would you ever hate me if I...ever happened to sin?" he decided to look at his mother, curious on how she reacted to his question.
Her eyes widened slightly, but she let out a small chuckle, "Eddie, you know I could never hate you-"
"Mom, please be honest." he deadpanned, making direct eye contact with the women he was almost afraid of.
She let out a sigh, which scared Eddie; his mother could be really cruel with her words sometimes. She may sound as calm as can be, but her opinion would always manage to make Eddie feel guilty for feeling a certain way.
"I'm going to be honest, I'd be disappointed if you did ever happen to sin..." her words stabbed Eddie in the heart, "And, you and I both know that sinning isn't something I agree with." She added, twisting the metaphorical knife in Eddie's chest.
He pressed his lips together and tilted his head down, staring down at his plate once again. His suddenly eyes widened as he felt his mother's hand on his. She held it tightly in hers, causing Eddie to look up at her.
"But my love for you is unconditional, Eddie. Even if you disappoint me by doing whatever, my love and care for you will always remain the same." She smiled warmly at him.
Eddie's lips stuck together as if they were glued that way. He had nothing to say; he was shocked by his mother's reaction. He even felt himself tearing up a little. He took his hand away from his mother's and used his sleeves wiped both his eyes.
"Eddie, what's the matter?" She chuckled.
He couldn't speak, the lump in his throat clogging up his words. He didn't know what to say to her now.
