The crow and the beast - Kaz brekker

chapter 37 - understanding each other

While both Kaz and Cara were still gathering their breaths from moving all their stuff into their new home it had begun raining outside. Cara watched the rain outside for a while before she put some more wood in the fireplace that was situated against the outer wall of the library.

When she came back to sit on the couch again kaz was watching her carefully. "don't you have anything better to do than stare at me the whole day brekker?" Cara asked playfully. Kaz smirked. "nope I have told jesper and nina to run the crow club for the next few days so I am all yours the rest of today and tomorrow."

Cara smiled and sat back down on the couch leaving some space between her and kaz, he did not agree witht hat however as he reached a gloved hand out to her and slightly pulled her closer to him as they both watched the fireplace for a while.

"tell me a story kaz" he thought for a while but then began telling her about past heists, how they stole some of the hardest to steal objects in ketterdam and how he stopped in the middle of a heist to pet a dog once. "we could get some dogs here you know" Kaz furrowed his brows for a moment.

"maybe once our place is finished." Cara took his gloved hand into hers and began rubbing circles on his palm, he could barely feel it because of the gloves which irritated him a little. "what are your plans with the rest of the place kaz?"

He turned to look outside through the window. "I would like to build a stable with at least 20 stables on the opposite side of the clearing, a wall or fence around the whole property to keep my family safe and maybe a guest house to. Maybe if we cut down some tree's an indoor arena for training the horses.." Cara smiled at him, she could see him envisioning all of this while he looked outside.

"quite a plan kaz, I couldn't help but notice you said 'your family'. I know it's a tricky conversation to have but what are your thoughts on this exactly kaz. if you don't really want to have children then that is fine with me to, you don't have to force yourself for my sake. I have always told you I will never force you into anything and I intend to keep that promise." Cara saw his expression change.

Kaz looked genuinely in conflict with himself, his normal confident aura around him disappearing. Cara could see he was fighting his own bad thought so she patiently waited for him to come to a decision. He slowly took his hand out of hers and removed his gloves, placing them on the coffee table.

Cara did not dear to speak or move as she did not want to influence his answer to her in any way, this was something he needed to decide for himself and she told herself that if he would tell her he didn't really want to be children she would accept his decision and move on, maybe get a puppy instead surely she could convince him -.

She was cut of in her own thoughts as kaz moved his hand to her wrist, placing his thumb over the inside so he could feel her heartbeat. His other hand went for her cheek as he placed a deep and almost longing kiss to her lips. The kiss lasted for a few seconds before he pulled back.

Cara made eye contact with him for a second and could see his eyes were soft, she could feel a slight tremble in his hand that held her cheek. Another emotion filled his eyes, one she had not seen before. Lust. He kissed her again, putting more pressure into the kiss as he pushed her back into the cough a little.

When he needed air he didn't fully pull back but instead trailed his lips over her jaw and down to her neck where he rested his lips on her skin, Cara was sure he could feel her heartbeat there to because when he stopped for a moment to regain himself she felt his muscles relax ever so slightly.

Has hand that had been resting on her cheek trailed down to her side and when he kissed her neck gently his hand went further down until it reached the hem of her shirt. The grip on her wrist tightened slightly when his other hand touched her bare skin on her belly.

Cara tried to stay as still as possible, one of her hands resting on his leg and the other behind her on the couch to steady herself. She felt that kaz was being very gentle, his lips barely on the skin of her neck. His hand creeped up further but when she was sure he would he would put his hand over her breast instead he moved his hand slightly so it moved in between her breasts and rested on the place where her heart was.

It was only now that her body seemed to realize how intimate they were being right now and before she could stop it a small moan escaped her lips. She hoped kaz did not hear it but her hopes were in vain when she heard what could only be described as a growl coming from him.

He stopped kissing her neck and instead moved back up to her lips, placing another deep and intimate kiss to her lips. He slowly removed his hand from underneath her shirt and moved it to her shoulder instead.

He pulled back and removed his grip on her wrist but keeping his other hand on her shoulder. He took a few seconds to gather his breath before he light cleared his throat. "honestly I never thought about ever having children. But before I met you I never thought I would be capable of pulling myself together enough to do what I just did. Cara I would love to start a family with you, really. I just ... need some more time."

Cara placed her hand on top of the hand of kaz that was resting on her shoulder. She didn't know what to say for a moment as the words that left kaz's mouth just now were so full of emotion, she would have never thought to hear kaz say anything like this like ... ever. "kaz, dear, I love you. you take all the time you need, I will never push you. you are in full control of this alright."

Kaz looked at her with his soft blue eyes, he swore he fell more in love with the woman in front of him every day. And when he thought he could not love her any more than he already did the next day he would love her even more.

"now I will go make us some dinner, what do you think of pasta?." Kaz smirked grateful for the change of subject as he didn't think he would be able to have a full conversation with her right now. When he nodded Cara stood up and made her way to the kitchen.

Kaz watched her disappear off to the kitchen before he made his way upstairs to take a shower.

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Both kaz and Cara were currently sitting in the library, both reading their own book. Kaz was sitting in the armchair while Cara was laying on the couch, ready to fell asleep any moment when there was a sudden knock on the door. Kaz was fast to stand up and walk over to the door, opening it to reveal inej. "hello inej, please come in."

inej stepped inside as kaz motioned for her to enter the library. Cara was just putting some more wood in the fireplace. "inej! What brings you here?" She smiled as they hugged each other. "I came to check out the new place, kaz was so proud when he finally got everything planned out. You should have heard him go on and on about how he wanted it just like you described it."

Cara glanced over at kaz who had furrowed his brows but she could see the tips of his ears turning red. "wel let me give you a quick tour." She showed inej around the house and when they returned to the library kaz was sitting in the arm chair again.

Both inej and Cara took a seat on the couch while they talked about the different features they liked about the house and the place. Cara told inej about how she would train the horses they left at her uncle and that she would like to give moon to inej once her training was completed.

about half an hour later there was another knock at the door, kaz stood up with a sign as he made his way over to the door again. Cara couldn't quite hear who was at the door but she heard kaz and another man's voice. Then kaz came into the library again.

"I have to go to ketterdam to solve an escalation in the crow club, I will be back before mignight. Don't wait for me to go to bed love" he kissed Cara's forehead when he said the last part. He quickly took his coat of the hanger in as he made his way outside.

once he was outside and had closed the door behind him Cara turned back to inej who had the biggest smile on her face. "what?" she asked the girl. Inej shook her head. "its nothing ... just that I have never seen him this happy. I have always known kaz as the cold hearted gang leader who did not need a reason to destroy somebodies life if he did not like them. but with you, he is a different man." Cara smiled at the words.

"it all seems to have happened so fast, it seems like only yesterday when I saw him getting beaten up by some dime lions in an alley" Inej giggled. "before you came along I was the person kaz seemed to trust with most things, I will admit in the early years of our friendship I wished he looked at me the way he looks at you but he never did. If somebody deserves happiness its him, I truly believe that. He might act all cold and broody but deep down he cares, he just has a hard time showing it."

Cara agreed with everything inej said. Kaz was a broody and cold gang leader, he still is. Somehow from the very start they just connected, she understood him without him needing to tell her. now that she thought about it a lot of the conversations they had were almost complete silence.

"thank you inej, for caring for him I mean and helping him when I couldn't. I will never forget that it was you who found me on the beach that day." Inej hugged her again. "I am sorry to leave you again so soon but it is the peak hour for gathering information in ketterdam right now so I must be on my way now." Cara stood up together with inej.

they both walked to the door and said their goodbyes. When Cara turned around she seemed to finally realize that this place was in fact real. She looked at everything again, walking into the library she went to the book shelves again. running her hands along the wood, she noticed that on the sides there were little birds that were probably meant to be crows carved into the wood. Kaz really had put a lot of work into this, and the dregs had done an incredible job building this house while they were in fjerda.

she picked up the book she was reading earlier and sat herself back down on the couch. It was nicely warm in the house due to the fireplace but she took a blanket anyway to get comfortable.

she did not hear the door open or the ticks of a cane on the floor when kaz entered the house again. she did see the smile on his face when he found her sleeping on the couch with the book she was reading on her face. She also did not feel his arms underneath her body lifting her up and carrying her to the bedroom upstairs.

she woke up when kaz placed her on the bed however. "hey there love, everything is alright I carried you to the bedroom. Would you like a pair of pajamas?" Cara sat on the edge of the bed while kaz walked over to the nearby dresser. The picture of Cara and her mom on top with on either side a wooden carving, a wolf on one side and the little crow on the other side.

"yes please, the one with short sleeves please." Kaz took out the pajamas that she wanted and gave it to her. Cara quickly changed into the pajama's putting her outfit on the dresser. "hey love?" Cara turned to him "hmm?".

"do you mind if I sleep without a shirt? I mean will it bother you? I don't want to –" Cara laughed at him rambling. "I don't mind kaz, as long as you are okay with it." They both got under the covers, this bed was a lot larger than the one they had at the slat.

"this bed is so big I won't even notice you not wearing a shirt."

she heard him chuckle, god she loved the sound. His chuckle being low and raspy.

He quickly closed the distance and wrapped his arm around her body, his hand resting on her heart on top of the shirt she was wearing. She could feel the heat radiating from his chest. "not big enough to hide you from me." he whispered in her ear as he made himself comfortable next to her.