The crow and the beast - Kaz brekker

chapter 31 - letting go

When the crows made their way back Cara had shifted back into her wolf form. She kept her distance from the group, she needed some time to process everything that had happened.

She had always wondered how her father had died but knowing the answer to this question did not bring her joy, in fact it brought only sadness knowing that he had suffered before the end. Her head was low to the ground as she walked a good distance away from the group, not wanting to scare the horses.

normally horses did not scare easily from her, they must feel that she is no ordinary wolf however she had seen the way kaz got on his horse, he was in pain. The bullet hurt him more than he let on and she did not want to be responsible for him having a hard time controlling his horse.

So she walked behind the group for hours, with the horses they travelled a lot faster and got to the spot they camped the first night in the early evening. Cara lingered in the trees while the other crows set up camp.

Jesper had walked over to her and offered her food but she had refused. She just needed some time alone. She was grieving over her father, remembering the few memories she had with him. trying to get the thoughts of how he had suffered here in fjerda all alone out of her head.

she was laying down with her head on her front paws, back turned towards the camp so she could look out in the wilderness and she would see if anything approached them. she heard the crunching of snow behind her as somebody approached.

she did not even need to turn around to know who it was, of course jesper had told him she had refused to eat anything. He stood next to her for a while without speaking a word. kaz knew that Cara was having a hard time, he wanted to comfort her ... but he didn't know how.

so he just stood there, making sure that she knew that she wasn't alone. And he stayed there long after he knew she had fallen asleep. He had made himself comfortable against a nearby tree making sure that if she did have nightmares he was there to help her.

however when Cara awoke the next morning he was gone. The first light of the day was already shining through the trees. she heard quick footsteps coming towards her and she quickly turned around to face the person.

It was nina, she walked right up to her before she spoke. "kaz isn't well, he is in a lot of pain but he is to stubborn to give in to it. I don't think another day on horseback is a good idea for him. he won't let me see it or help him." Cara nodded her head at nina and followed her back to the camp.

She saw that the other crows had made sure the horses were stationed a little bit away while kaz was standing next to Matthias, they were discussing something that Cara couldn't quite hear. Once she entered the open area she shifted back to human.

She approached kaz and put a hand on his shoulder to let him know her presence. He turned to face her and nina motioned for Matthias to give them a minute. "kaz I know you are in pain and you refuse to let anybody help you." His facial expression was emotionless when he answered. "so are you, you are hurting to." Cara shook her head.

"its not the same kaz, you are physically hurt. Let me help you." Kaz grumbled and scowled but he slowly reached for the straps on his coat. When he opened his coat and lifted his shirt you could clearly see where the bullet hit him. there was a nasty purple spot on his chest, even without touching it Cara could tell it was swollen.

She didn't know if he had any further internal damage but she knew for sure he did not have any internal bleeding the spot was to small for it. He really must be in a lot of pain. She thought for a minute, she did have some medicine for it but there was no way he was letting her treat him properly right now.

"do you trust me?" he had lowered his shirt again. He looked at her for a moment before he slowly nodded. She motioned for her bag that he was still carrying as he gave it to her. She rummaged through it until she finally found what she was looking for, a small bottle no bigger than her hand.

it was not labeled, the liquid inside being clear looking almost like water. "what is it?" kaz asked curious. Cara opened the bottle. "it is a very strong pain medication, it will make it so you will not feel any pain for a day. But it must not be used lightly, it will make you lose focus, which is why I asked you if you trusted me." Kaz looked at the liquid inside the bottle and nodded slightly.

Cara poured the liquid into the cap of the bottle, filling it to the brim and then gave it to kaz who gulped it down in 1 go. "it will take around 15 minutes to start working. Kaz, I don't want you on a horse today because you could seriously hurt yourself if anything happens. I will give you a ride today alright."

Kaz scowled again, not particularly liking the idea of being a bother to Cara having to carry him all day like a wounded soldier. But he also knew that there was no discussion in the matter so he simply nodded at her. she looked at the other crows who were already mounting their horses and getting ready to leave and looked at kaz once more.

they held eye contact for a moment. "kaz, I am fine. I just need to get my thought in place okay. I don't regret coming here to finish things. I just need some time." Kaz placed his gloved hand on her cheek and kissed her forehead. She smiled up at him and then took a few steps back to shift.

She motioned to his cane and he gave it to her, he could have given it to one of the crows to put it on one of the horses but he rather gave it to Cara. It was a sentimental thing for him after all which he only trusted few people with.

Cara laid down so he could get on more easily. Riding a wolf was surprisingly comfortable, if you sat right behind their shoulders their run was smooth and less bouncy than most horses making it easy to balance.

They stayed a little behind the other crows. Kaz felt the pain in his chest ebb away and he was grateful. He indeed had been hurting a lot the day before to the point were he almost could not breathe from the pain. Of course he did not show this to any of the crows and Cara was to far away to notice.

he stroked the black fur on Cara's shoulder with his gloved hands a few times earning him a purr that he could feel going through her body. The group crossed some tricky terrain where the crows had to watch out with the horses to not slop back down again. they were struggling quite a bit because of the snow fall, it was quite steep and slippery terrain.

However Cara and kaz didn't have any problems, Cara turned her head to kaz and looked at the terrain in front of them as if to say 'hold on'. When kaz nodded in understanding he put his body forward against Cara's back holding her fur tightly as Cara leaped over some rocks and slippery terrain.

they stayed a little away from the horses but the other crows still saw them. they heard nina yell. "must be nice to have a shifter as girlfriend" teasing kaz. Cara didn't see but she knew for certain that kaz was scowling at her words. She purred again letting kaz know she didn't mind them teasing him about her, actually she found the comment quite funny because she and kaz had already made their way to the top while the other crows were still struggling halfway down the slope.

So she decided to take the lead now, trotting through the snow. Luckily for her it wasn't snowing today so she could actually see where she was going for once. However this also meant that she saw the frozen over lake coming from a mile away.

she decided she was in the mood for some fun. She had learned how to balance from last time crossing the lake and wanted to give kaz a scare. So she stopped herself a little away from the frozen lake as if she was waiting for the others.

When she felt kaz turned around to look behind them she took off in a sprint making him grab her fur to steady himself. "what the" it took him mere seconds to realize what Cara was about to do. "Don't you dare." He growled but Cara was not stopping now.

When she reached the start of the ice she leaped, landing a few meters further. She made sure to land balanced as they both glided over the ice, Cara let her tongue out as they glided. They slowly turned around but still glided in the right direction from the speed she had build up.

From afar she looked like a happy puppy while kaz was holding on for dear life. In the distance she heard the crows laughing but she was to focused on balancing with kaz on her back. They came to a halt in the middle of the lake.

Kaz let out a breath he had been holding as he released his grip slightly on her fur. "why do you always manage to surprise me." Cara purred as she looked at him. she slowly started walking to the other side of the lake. It wasn't far now, they would reach the boat by evening she guessed.

the sun was setting when they finally reached boat. The sailors had set up a camp at the landing spot with tents and campfires. Cara laid down at the edge of the camp to let kaz off and gave him his walking stick back.

he had stroked her head for a moment before he went inside the camp. Cara however needed to do one more thing before she went back to the boat. She shifted back to human and went to a nearby forest where she gathered 2 sticks and some young twigs, binding the 2 sticks together in a cross.

She then went to the edge of the cliff a little away from the camp, she dug away the snow until she hit dirt. She put the cross in and closed the hole finishing the grave.

She sat herself down in front of the cross, the sea behind it. "goodbye father, I hope you will find rest. I want you to know I am okay, mother is gone but I have a new family now. They low me and appreciate me for me and not for what I am." She paused for a second.

"I met a man father, his name is kaz brekker but to me he is just kaz. he might not be the kind of man you wanted me to end up with but I love him dad. He is broken, just like me, but together we understand each other. He helps me forget and forgive while I help him tolerate and learn to love."

another pause. The tears were flowing over her cheeks now.

"I wish you could have met them father, I wish I could have spend more time with you."

she sat there silently with her knees to her chest. watching the cross and the sea behind while the tears flowed down her face. Kaz was standing a little behind her, he had heard everything she had said. Tears silently fell on his gloves that were holding his cane in front of him.

they stood there for a while until Cara moved, as she turned around and saw kaz she was surprised. But she got surprised even more when he dropped his cane to the ground and basically ran the few steps between them and wrapped his arms tightly around her.

he buried his face in her hair as he hugged her tightly to his chest, he did not give a damn about the pain it caused him right now. She wrapped her arms around his chest while she let out another sob. They did not let go of each other until Cara stopped sobbing.

"lets go back to the boat love, you might get sick if you stay in the cold much longer." He kissed her forehead before he walked back over to get his cane and then grabbed Cara's hand as they walked to the boat together.



AN: i realize that I am far from a good writer, I visualize what I am writing down and this may cause me to forget to write down a lot of the details leaving some plot holes or leaving readers with questions. Please if you have any questions about the characters or why they did certain things let me know and I will answer them all.