The crow and the beast - Kaz brekker

chapter 49 - secrets can hurt

When Cara woke up in the morning kaz had not yet returned from ketterdam. She had made herself breakfast and was heading towards the library to look over some papers the secret doorbell rang, signaling her a dreg was at the door. She opened the door and there stood a boy no older than 18 years old she estimated.

"uum hi mrs. Cara I uum got send by the boss to tell you he will be home late and uum he is sending over the building team to build the guard house at the entrance of the clearing.. I was also ordered to help you with your work today." Cara smiled at the boy, she knew getting orders from kaz could be scary.

"and what is your name young man?" The boy got flustered when he realized he never told her his name. "ben, my name is ben." Cara took the keys to the barn from its hiding spot by the door and gave it to the boy. "well ben lets get started shall we." The boy smiled at her as she put on her coat made her way outside to the barn.

she explained to ben how to prepare the feed for the horses and where he should place it. When they were feeding the horses ben told her that his father was on the guard team that would be protecting the farm once the guard house was done. His father never wanted his son to get into the violence of the gangs so kaz offered him a paid job as a stable hand.

Cara appreciated the fact that they got help now, from the looks of it the dregs were expanding quite a lot in the barrel and with the trading kaz was getting into the work was only going to get a lot harder soon, keeping up with everything.

after they were done feeding the horses Cara asked ben about his skills with horses, he had told her he knew the basics of riding and working with horses but was willing to learn more so that is exactly what Cara decided they were going to do today. She told ben to tack up one of the chestnut horses and bring it to the outdoor arena.

she then went outside and waited for ben to emerge with a horse, once he did she checked the tack over and when she was satisfied she leaned on the fence while ordering him to get on. She made some comments on his posture on the horse and then told him the best ways to get out of a tricky situation if it would occur.

an hour went by as she gave ben a lesson in horse riding, teaching him the right posture and how he should give his commands to the horse sparing its mouth and using his body to ask the horse to move. Once he got that down she taught him what exercises were required for a horse to build confidence and keep them in good health. He seemed to really want to learn and picked up things really fast.

once she saw he was getting tired she called him to her. "lets call it a day for riding, you still need to build muscle to ride properly and I have a lot more things to teach you. most of our work will be done while standing next to the horse anyway." Ben nodded and got off the horse. She ordered him to untack the horse, groom him and put him back in the stable. She would like to put the horses outside but she wanted elvis to be here to keep them together, he was the leader of the herd.

while ben was untacking and grooming his horse she went to get some water for her herb field. She saw some weeds had managed to grow in between the herbs so she quickly pulled those out and put them on a pile before discarding them in the nearby forest. When she came back from the forest she saw a black horse appear at the edge of the clearing, kaz had returned. At the same time she saw ben appear from the stable. She turned towards him. "take over elvis when kaz gets off and please untack him, then go have dinner with your dad he is probably working at the guard house over there." Ben nodded and waited next to her for kaz to reach them.

once kaz reached her he got off of elvis, he did not look happy at all. Ben immediately took the reins and walked elvis off towards the stable. Cara would have expected kaz to greet her but instead he walked right passed her and to the house, odd, she thought but followed him nonetheless. Once they got inside kaz placed his bag on the kitchen table before removing his coat and hat and hanging it on a chair.

he then opened his bag and Cara saw some pastries from a bakery close to the barrel, he offered her the bag but she shook her head signaling him she wasn't hungry just yet. He placed the bag on the kitchen counter before turning to her once more. he looked conflicted about something, Cara could see it on his face.

"I need to tell you something and I need you to not overreact" he finally said. Cara lifted her eyebrows, what a way to greet your partner she thought. "good morning to you to kaz, what is it?" He furrowed his brows leaning against the kitchen counter. He took a few more moments before he spoke again.

"I need to go for a job, I will be gone at least a month" Cara lifted an eyebrow as she leaned against the doorframe leaving a whole room of space between her and kaz. "when you say 'I' instead of 'we' I suppose you plan on leaving me behind, who else is going on this job with you?" Kaz looked really irritated but she couldn't tell where the emotion came from or if it was directed at her.

"all the crows except nina because she wanted to stay for her waffle house, and peter." Cara scoffed she couldn't believe kaz right now. "so you are basically taking everybody that is available except me, that is just stupid kaz." Kaz glared at her. "its not stupid, it is what I have decided and you will have to live with my decision."

Cara shook her head in disbelief. "why though? Why am I being left behind? Did I do something wrong? Is it because of the last heist? Have I not proven myself enough to you? am I not good enough to be on your team kaz?" Cara was starting to get really irritated now, kaz was basically leaving her all alone.

kaz did not answer any of her questions and instead glared at her, she could feel he was getting angry from her questions but she did not care right now, she had the right to be angry at him. "what even is this job? Where are you going?" Kaz shook his head. "I cannot tell you any details."

Cara scoffed. "what are you even saying kaz?! I am your partner am I not?? Since when can you not trust me anymore with information??" Kaz took a few steps towards her until he was in the middle of the kitchen. "I know that if I tell you any details about this job you will try to follow us and I cannot have that happen! So no I cannot trust you with this information. But I will tell you that if we return from this job it will be the last big job the crows will ever have to do." Cara shook her head and broke eye contact with kaz choosing to look at the ceiling instead.

"so this is about the kruge ... I cannot believe you right now kaz. I cannot believe you would leave me just like that." She could feel kaz getting angry now. "don't try to make me feel guilty! I have a reputation to uphold! You won't be able to stop me from going so stop trying! You have to just accept it!" Cara had enough the turned her back to him and walked away.

kaz did not bother to follow her, he did not know what to say to her to make this situation better in any way. Cara walked into the library and sat down on the couch, she did not know what to feel right now. She was angry at kaz, really angry that he would leave her just like that. Clearly kruge was still his first priority and that made the second emotion come up, sadness. For her there was nothing more important than him, she would gladly lay down her life for the man who was currently standing in the kitchen. It hurt to realize she would always come second, his money and the work around that would always come first.

She refused to let tears flow however, she wasstronger than that. She sat there for 10 minutes just staring in front of herthinking before kaz made his appearance In the library. He moved until he wasin front of the couch but still some distance away from her, his eyes seemed tohave softened as if he had realized how much this situation hurt her. "I hatefighting with you, please don't be mad at me." he said quietly while lookingdown at the floor.

She looked at him, at first she wanted to say something that would surely angerhim again but when she saw the broken state the man was in she realized thismust hurt him just as much as it hurt her, she did not question the fact thatkaz loved her. they had been through so much together it was impossible tothink such things however it was easier for kaz to get angry instead of showinghis true feelings, which is what he was doing right now.

"come here." Cara said patting the couch next to her. Kaz hesitantly walkedover and sat himself down on the couch. "when do you leave?" she asked him. "tonightat midnight, I have arranged everything this morning. You have full say overthe crow club and the dregs while I am gone. I trust you that you won't spendall our money while I am gone." Cara's eyebrows lifted, she didn't think kazwould entrust all his money and everything he worked for to her while he wasgone, she was by far not the best person to run a gang or a club.

"I will do my best kaz, but you have to promise me something. Promise me you willcome back to me." kaz lifted his head until he made eye contact with her, helooked beyond tired. "I promise that I will come back to you, even if my legswouldn't work anymore I would crawl back to you." Car nodded satisfied with hisanswer. "good day or bad day?" she asked quietly while reaching out for hisgloved hand.

kaz saw her reaching out and even though his emotions were quite high herefused to give in to the bad thoughts and grabbed her hand in his, he couldfeel the warmth of her hand through his gloves. He mustered a slight smile ather but she only saw concern in her eyes. "come here, you should get a fewhours of sleep before you leave." She put a cushion on her lap and opened herarms and he quickly understood what she had meant and he gladly laid down onthe couch putting his head on in her lap.

she rested one hand on his upper arm and the other was gently stroking his hair.He slowly reached up his hand to take her hand that was resting on his arm inhis and pulled it down until he could gently kiss the back of her hand. soonhis breathing turned steady as he fell asleep. Cara sat there while he slept,taking in every feature of the man. Every freckle and wrinkle in his face shetried to remember, she knew that this might be the hardest month of her life. Sheknew kaz was lying now when he said he was doing it for the kruge and eventhough she wanted to know more than anything else why kaz was doing this sheknew deep down he was doing this for her somehow.