Is Love Enough ??

Chapter 20

Pain.

It was pain Maan had heard in Kirti's voice the second she had said hello. And it was not just from her headache, he knew that too.

Why? Why was she enduring it? Was it necessary? Why was she letting them get to her? Damn. Why would anyone subject themselves to nonsense? That was absolutely stupid. And he banged his hand against the countertop in the kitchen where he stood making coffee. The sting from the impact of his hand against the hard granite did nothing to soothe his black mood. Pain wasn't new to him. Emotional or physical. His tolerance for that particular feeling was way higher than a lot of people. The problem was he didn't like feeling trapped. He didn't like not being able to do anything. Granted Kirti had taken her own decision and she was responsible for the outcome but he had taken her responsibility too. Her happiness mattered to him. Her wellbeing mattered to him. There was a reason why they were together or that they were serious about their relationship no matter what others thought or said. He switched off the stove even before the water had come to a boil. Raking a frustrated hand through his hair he decidedly walked towards the cabinet where he kept his stronger drinks. The mood he was in, coffee wouldn't help.

Fixing a glass for himself he stepped out onto the balcony. The sun was setting in the distance. A picturesque scene, Kirti's favorite time of the day. Though it had never enticed him, he had stood countless times on the balcony with her and watched the sun go down. The expression Kirti wore on her face each time, priceless. She stood there and watched the same scene with new enthusiasm. And where her eyes were always glued to the beauty of the setting sun with its yellow, orange, and pink hues, he had always been more fascinated with the glow of her skin, the light in her eyes, the smile she wore on her lips. Just the joy of her expression made him feel liberated. Free. Content. What he wouldn't do to have her here, now, and watch that same expression he had committed to his memory. Maan closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. Then took a deep breath. Opening his eyes he stared at the tip of orange on the horizon finally sink. He turned around and went to sit on the patio chair Kirti had insisted she had wanted for the balcony. The warm evening breeze ruffled his hair in a caress.

Why couldn't she just return? Did she not realize yet that what she had hoped to achieve by returning wasn't going to come true? Especially now that she was going through a harrowing time. 'Because she had never stopped wanting to make amends', came the answer. 'Because unlike you she hasn't completely broken her ties with her family', the voice went on, 'they may have but she hasn't', it said and Maan knew it to be true. The hope to reunite with her family, the wish to be together again had always stayed with Kirti. She wasn't like him. That was what he appreciated about her the most. That no matter what people did to her or what they said she still had a very generous heart to forgive them all where he would never forget nor forgive. It was his stubbornness to hold onto his grudges, and stubbornness may not always be good he knew that too. But that was how he was. And he wasn't changing anytime soon. He may understand emotions a lot better than anyone, he may be able to rationalize them, maybe but she felt them, lived them. She couldn't shrug and walk away. 'If you think you can rationalize emotions better then what are you doing sitting here and brooding', the voice in his head mocked and Maan's frown deepened. He had always maintained they were adults. They took their own decisions. And bore the consequences. So why was he so upset? Why did he feel to give a piece of his mind to those who thought they were too good? Tell them to back off and leave Kirti alone? These conflicting emotions weren't his style. He liked them to be controlled and in order. He felt like shielding her, protecting her from anyone who would dare to cause her hurt or pain even if they were her own family.  Though his protective instincts where Kirti was concerned was a moot point.  He had always had it. There was something about her that always brought those instincts to the surface since the time they had been kids.