Is Love Enough ??

Chapter 33

Maan stared. Hard. His jaw tightened and anger swiftly rose to the surface. His hands formed fists at his side and he wished he could flex his clenched fingers to let out some steam. Every dark emotion he knew of battled with each other to reign supreme. The problem was neither was an emotion Maan wanted to tackle at this point. He had known he would run into them. Soon. He had known it with a certainty even before he had arrived. What he hadn't known was the intensity of how he would feel when he did meet them? In his arrogance, he had believed he would be able to keep everything at bay. Maybe he still could once he got the roiling tempest inside in his grip. He felt her more than he saw her come and stand next to him. He could feel some of the edginess recede. It wasn't enough though. He took in a deep breath to calm himself but he didn't look away from the couple who stood at the entrance being greeted by everyone. He couldn't look away from the smiling laughing group as if all was well. He felt Kirti gently open his tight fists and slowly link her fingers with his. It helped. A lot. This show of support, the softness of her skin against his, the knowledge that she understood how he felt and she stood with him. The darkness started to fade slowly in the face of Kirti's light.

She had been overwrought with worry when he had returned in the afternoon. He hadn't realized how long he had been gone. But to see fear in her eyes had been his undoing. She had hugged him so tight, he had never known she possessed the strength to squeeze the breath right out of him. And then she had cried. He had felt his heart constrict. Had it been anyone else he was sure to have been rude about it. But with Kirti, he just couldn't stand to see her cry. Her smiles brightened his days and life. To see tears in her eyes tore at his heart. No one had the right to cause her pain. Not even him. But before he could have said anything she started to apologize. But he hadn't let her. It wasn't her fault. He knew she was confused and he was beginning to understand. And somewhere he had felt a slit of guilt. It wasn't her fault. Her fears weren't for him or her, they were for the future. The unknown. The unspoken. They had never discussed kids, family life or future. Kirti was under tremendous pressure here. Despite taking the bold step of living with him without any ties, she had been unable to shed all her inhibitions. And neither had she been able to erect a hard shell. Who was he kidding? He had had years of practice to build his wall, he had heard too many things, seen too much to harden himself. She hadn't. She had had a gentle upbringing, filled with love, complete with a protected environment. An upbringing full of social values, ethics, dictates. She had put all of that aside to be with him. This was probably the first time she had faced so much criticism and antagonism from everyone around her. She had such a soft, gentle heart. For someone like her it was too much to handle. Moreover, even if there was now an approval, it was for show only, based on lies. And Kirti knew that. How much would that hurt? The shallowness, the hollowness. How much would that affect Kirti? And yet she was trying. He agreed, it wasn't her fault. He in is mind had started to agree with her wish of wanting more. It wasn't so much out of place. But Maan also knew, that with his experience and all he had learnt he couldn't bow down to her wish. How could he adhere to something he didn't believe in? Wouldn't that be pretense? Wouldn't that hurt her? Wouldn't that choke him? But in that moment, all he had said was 'I understand'. He knew she had wanted him to say more. Give her a kind of reassurance. But he had never been good with articulating emotions into words. Hell, he kept away from them as much as possible. He had with great difficulty gotten over the tenacious grip his dangerous emotions had tried to cast on him. To explain all that to her....no way could he have done it and so he had held her. Close. Probably they had both needed to feel each other. Later when he had gone to escort her he hadn't been able to look away from her. She had looked ethereal. In her royal blue anarkali suit ensemble with a simple pearl set and her hair pulled back from her face to tie an intricate knot behind her head and the long tresses left loose. She painted an enchanting picture. And the girl worried he would ever look at another when she stood before him. He was sure, even when she turned old and grew out of shape, he would still not look at another. Because it was not just her beauty that captivated him. It was her. And he had told her so. The problem was she hadn't looked convinced. Once they had arrived at the venue the gaiety and relaxed mood around them had quickly dissolved any worry or concerns. He had met Gurpreet and his family. He had seen the hesitation amongst the Singh's as they had introduced him and Kirti, he had also seen the slight disapproval in Gurpreet's eyes but he hadn't thought much of it. Though he had liked Gurpreet at a personal level. He was a level headed and serious kind of person, a direct contrast to Anika's personality but for some reason Maan had been sure Gurpreet knew how to balance things out. Anika would be fine. His family of course were very traditional. Post that he and Kirti had moved away. Where he had once again been surrounded by several relatives, he had seen Kirti sit down with a group of her cousins and nieces. Things had seemed to be normal till he hadn't seen Mr. Singh rush towards the entrance followed by an anxious looking Mrs. Singh. He had glanced at the entrance of the hall out of curiosity when he had spotted the reason.