Is Love Enough ??

Chapter 38

"I didn't want you to see any of it," Maan spoke quietly.

"Didn't want me to see what?" Kirti asked confused.

"Any of what I did or said," he said on a sigh, "the way I behaved," he told her. Even though he didn't use the word, regret was evident in his voice. "For you to see me lose control like that," he said unhappily.

"Maan," Kirti said raising her head from his chest where her head had been before, looking at him, searching his face, "you have never been anything but honest to me. You have never hidden anything before, never sugarcoated your words, or pretended to be someone else, not that I recall," she said softly, "besides you forget, I have seen you at your worst," she said with an affectionate smile.

"My worst," Maan responded in a slightly teasing voice, something he wasn't feeling but he decided to go with the flow for the moment.

"When you beat up those guys...who were teasing me," she replied with an animated look on her face.

"And you think that was my worst?" he queried softly as he gently brushed her hair away from her forehead.

Kirti didn't reply. That was the only time she had seen him lose control and let violence take over. He had beaten four of them making sure they had no option but to go to the hospital. And this was when they had only been acquaintances.

"I would do the same or probably worse if someone tried to harm you," he murmured.

Kirti heard it. And she felt divided. Most part of her was thrilled to have him say that. Not that she wanted him to break people's bones and send them to the hospitals or do anything else that was as violent or worse. But just the fact that he cared for her, so deeply, that he couldn't see her hurt or that he would want to punish those who had done the deed. To have her own secret avenging angel was quite something. The other part of her was scared. He may not react if words and actions were directed towards him, but she...she was probably becoming his weakness. She had seen him struggle today with the strict control he usually exercised. The point that he had dealt with something earlier today was another thing she couldn't ignore. The strongest of mountains gave way if the same spot was pounded on repeatedly. That was what was happening and he was a mere man. Stronger than most but still a man. She didn't know what would happen if all the demons he kept in check came out with a vengeance. She didn't want to know. The more he compressed the more the chances of it all bursting out in a fit...like a volcanic eruption and that would prove to be more disastrous than anything else. What all could be lost in that was something she couldn't even imagine. Only it wouldn't end there. Finally, when all will calm down, Maan wouldn't be the same. He would be a changed person and the change wouldn't be for the better. It was important to get him to talk. That part of him he kept hidden. Those memories, hurts, wounds were festering poison. She didn't want any of that to destroy the man she loved. He had always protected her. Now it was her turn. And what better time to start than now. She had thought of waiting till they reached home but what was the harm in initiating the process here. Who knew maybe he wanted to talk a little too. She quickly composed her thoughts and concentrated on Maan.

"What is on your mind Maan?" Kirti asked quietly as she rested her chin on her hands over his chest.

"You," Maan replied with practiced ease even though he knew that wasn't what she was asking.

"Maaannnn," Kirti said dragging his name through her lips and gave him a warning glare to let him know she wasn't going to be swayed.

Maan sighed deeply. He knew Kirti abided by his evasiveness most often than not, understanding his need to not share his feeling or thoughts and then there were times like these when her stubborn nature refused to take no for an answer. He could see the determination in her eyes. There was a soft understanding too, it let him know she knew what he was trying to do. There was tiredness as well. It had been a long day and an equally long evening. It was close to two in the morning. But she was here. With him. She had seen and heard a lot today. But she was still resolute. She was trying. It just proved all the more, how much she loved him. How much she valued him. And he gave in. Maybe because he wanted to talk. Or maybe because he knew she was the only one he could tell all and she wouldn't judge him. Reason didn't matter. He patted her arm a little and she quickly rolled away from him and sat up on the bed. Maan sat up too, swinging his legs over the side. He now sat with his back to her. Where was he to start? He had never talked to her about the demons that plagued him. Sure, she knew the background of it all, but always from other people's perspective. Maybe a bit from her own experience by being around his family and him for as long as she had. But she didn't know the depth of what made him the way he was. Nobody did. Not even his moth... Mrs. Khanna. She only knew what was brought to her notice or what she had witnessed. There was more, a lot more. How did he even talk about it? Things that were worse than just being called names. Or fights that had taken place. Would she understand? Maybe. How would she view him after this? But he wanted a few of those things out, those emotions out, if he wanted a little breathing space. And he desperately wanted it.