Is Love Enough ??

Chapter 30

"Something on your mind?" Maan said casually as he worked on his laptop.

Kirti looked at him where he sat uncomfortably by the small desk on the chair that wasn't built for his size, with his long legs up on the small stool. His laptop rested on his lap and his long fingers moved over the keypad with a smooth familiarity. She knew he was working on that gift they had discussed the previous evening. His eyes glued to the screen but she knew that even though he wasn't looking at her he was aware.... aware of her mood more than her thoughts. For that at least she was thankful. If he had been a mind reader she wouldn't know how to handle it. Though from time to time he did guess at her thoughts accurately, but that wasn't the case today. What should she tell him? Or was the question more towards the 'How'? What would he say when she told him she had met his mother outside of his knowledge? Will he even say anything? What about the part where her mood and thoughts weren't despondent because of meeting with his mother but more with the questions the older woman had raised and her own responses to them? Why was she thinking so much? She knew Maan. She knew how much he cared. How much he loved her. He would never hurt her. She had lived with him for over two years now and she loved him with everything she had. So, what if they weren't bound by any legal bonds. 'But you are beginning to want more' whispered a voice in her head. And Kirti cringed inwardly. That was true. Wasn't it? And it wasn't because of what anyone said. And it wasn't because she didn't trust him. It wasn't because she was now afraid. What would he say if he heard her now? How would he react? Why had she started to fear his reactions? She hadn't felt this way till about a few days ago,. It wasn't right. This feeling. If she didn't fear him or his reactions, then what was the root of her fear? And just telling herself 'it wasn't right' wasn't helping either.

"Kirti..." she heard Maan say and that brought her attention back to him. This time round he was looking at her and she saw concern reflected in his eyes.

"Uh, nothing," she said hastily. Mentally berating herself for not sounding convincing. The look on Maan's face told her as much.

"You seem to be deep in thought since the time you returned," he said keeping his tone casual, then looked back at his screen, "you look upset," he said quietly, "did someone say something," he said even as he finished the email he had been working on.

Kirti bit her lower lip. She was upset. There was no denying it. She had never thought his mother's words would rattle her the way they had. She looked at her tightly clasped hands in her lap. She shouldn't have gone to meet her. She should have known or at least anticipated what the chat would be about and maybe she had to some extent. She had fenced as best she could. But talks of kids, guarantees and security had thrown her off. 'Why blame Rupal Khanna,' said the voice in her head berating her, 'you have been thinking on the same lines by yourself,' it said mocking her, 'what next? You have been wondering about it too,' it went on annoying Kirti, 'does that mean what everyone is saying is true? That you have been living a deluded life,' it said sarcastically. She closed her eyes for s second to shut the voice in her head and find her wits. Maan had already gathered she was upset and overly thoughtful today, there was no need to raise his doubts further. She would talk to him, when she was ready, away from here, when they were back in their own home.

"Nobody said anything," she said slowly.

"Are you telling me or yourself," came the response.

This time when Kirti looked up she was surprised to see him sitting up straight in the chair. His laptop shut and placed on the table, his right elbow propped on the arm of the chair and his chin resting in his hand while he regarded her. When had he shifted his position? Surely, she hadn't been that deep in thought that she didn't hear any noise.

"Maan...I..." she started when he cut her feeble effort to answer in the middle.

"We are friends first Kirti, always," he said gently.