Is Love Enough ??

Chapter 50

Kirti looked at the man who stood before her. Gone was the arrogance, the pride, the rationale that had always been such integral parts of him. He was stripped bare of his armor. The armor of indifference. All she saw was confused emotions and a vulnerability that tugged at her heart strings. Suddenly he looked like a little child who was bewildered with all that he was feeling. He looked like the child who had never been able to understand the dynamics between his parents till the harsh reality had made its appearance. The child who had never understood why people pitied him or disliked him. He had been there once because of others. She couldn't put him there, again. He had locked a very important part of himself to escape that situation, depending more on rationale than emotion, losing the balance that was core to human life, she couldn't let him do that again. He was questioning everything he had done, so he had conveniently decided that he had misguided her, lied to her. For the first few minutes she had let her fear cloud her understanding but as his words had penetrated that fog she had realized he needed her. It was déjà vu. The day he had proposed her she had realized the same thing, that he needed her. More now, than ever before. Every time she thought she knew the man, she found there was more. More scars. She had at some point guessed about his fears but she hadn't really been sure. That one fear had driven him to live in a manner that gave him a sense of safety, security and control. He had apologized for everything he had done....no, change that everything he thought he had done. And now he was waiting. Waiting for her to say something. Anything. She could sense his rising anxiety and she didn't like it one bit. She wanted her arrogant, self-assured, manipulative Aryaman Khanna back. And she meant to have him. "So, you think you have lied to me," she started out softly, "you put me in a position where I had to choose one over the other," she went on and saw him swallow hard, but he didn't look away. Did he think she was punishing him by saying all this? And he deserved it? She almost shook her head. Did he not know her at all? Or did he think her feelings could be changed as easily as this? Well, if he did, he thought wrong. And she would proceed to tell him just that. Maybe in all the confusing mist that surrounded him, he didn't see himself clearly. But she did. She knew him more than she knew herself. His guilt was probably ruling his head right now, no wonder he was blaming himself for all that had happened. "Didn't I?" she heard him say. "No, you didn't," Kirti said strongly, "tell me, in the past two years the way we have lived our life together, was it any different than how you had described it that day in the coffee house?" she asked looking at him in the eye. Maan didn't know how to respond to that question. He had told her very clearly that she would be his partner in every way except marriage wasn't part of the deal. And he had made sure she was treated the same in every way that mattered. Every legal paper, document they had signed stated the same. He had told her she would never have to worry over anything, and he had tried his best to make sure that happened. But right now, the way he was feeling after everything that had happened in the past few days, he wasn't sure if he done right by her. So, he stayed quiet. "You know the answer Maan," Kirti told him, "it has been exactly as you had said. You had told me I would never have to worry over anything, and I don't," she said, "I would be treated your equal in our relationship and I don't remember complaining about it ever," she went on slowly, "I am socially, financially, emotionally, mentally as secure as I could ever have been, and I know it would never have been with anyone else but you," she declared, "I knew the pros and the cons of being with you and I chose you Maan," she said with confidence, "nobody twisted my arm to make that choice, not even you," she said softly, "I loved you then Maan, I love you now, just the way you are," she said and took a step forward towards him, "I have never been shy of telling you that, loving you, being with you, is as natural to me as taking my very next breath," she said emotionally, letting him see how she felt so he would be sure she meant what she said, "just as you do...." she said and paused. "But I never told you that," Maan countered a bit stubbornly. Hell, he was at fault here. She had suffered so much humiliation because of him. He couldn't allow her to let him off the hook that easily. "You didn't have to," Kirti said and smiled, seeing his reluctance to accept her words easily, "your actions said it all," she told him. "Kirti I..." Maan started then paused when Kirti interrupted him. "Whatever has happened in the past few days is not your fault Maan," she said seriously, "we both knew what could happen if I returned and I took the chance with a hope that maybe after so long, things might work in my favor," she went on, "they did, at least partially," she said with a smile, "it is sad my parents couldn't rise above their hang ups, but my relationship with Anika and Vansh has strengthened and I have covered a lot more ground with you too," she told him honestly, "am glad of one more thing, you have begun to at least think about your mother and sister," she said then took the few remaining steps covering the distance between herself and Maan, "you did not lie to me Maan, please believe that, and as for me doing things for you," she said placing her hand in his, she looked into his face, "we all do a lot of things for those we love," she said softly, confidently. "And what did I do for you?" Maan asked unhappily, "All you had to hear tonight, for that matter since the day you have arrived here, it is because of me, isn't it," he told her still confused, "you got hurt not just by your family but me as well," he admitted with guilt, "hasn't it been painful for you, you cannot deny it," he asserted. "No I cannot, and I won't," Kirti responded calmly, "I have been hurt but it is the same for you as well," she countered, "you would never have set foot in this city if it hadn't been for me," she told him, "we can go on and on over this but the truth is neither I can change what has happened nor you," she said , "Maan, you can never hurt me, you love me more than anyone else," she told him, peering into his face earnestly, "I do things for you because I love you whether I like them or not, whether I want to or not, whether I feel like or not, that is what love is, caring is, understanding is," she explained, "you did the same didn't you, coming here, braving the comments and remarks that came your way, facing your family once again, going head to head with mine...you didn't want to, but you did," she told him, "you could have spoken the truth the first day when everyone assumed you were the son in law of this family, but you didn't, why?" she asked him. "Why Maan? Because you cared, for me," she insisted, "and what does that tell me....that you love me too," she said affectionately, "it goes both ways Maan, a relationship, giving and taking, it can never be one way," she said slowly, "you complete me Maan, when I control my tears it is not because I am being dishonest, it is because I know you would be uncomfortable," she said softly, "trust me Maan, we have something rare and beautiful, let's keep it that way and maybe turn it into something even better," she said and touched his cheek gently, opening up her heart for him to see, "I love you Maan, more than I did yesterday," she told him. Maan gulped. He didn't deserve this. He didn't deserve her. Hell, he couldn't let her go either. He needed her. He loved her dammit. But his conscience for once wasn't allowing him to just take things. He had to give her the choice even if it seemed she had made it already. "You are willing to stay with me the way we are, despite knowing your family's stance on it and the fact that I am pretty much damaged goods," he asked her. He hadn't been ready for her hand to drop to her side or the gentle soft expression on her face turn to irritation. She seemed mad suddenly. "You say one more time that you are 'damaged' and I will box your ears till you realize that you are anything but that," she said heatedly. She was done taking this nonsense. She wanted her self-assured arrogant Maan back and she meant to have him. She was so mad at his stubbornness that she missed the look of astonishment on his face. After all, she had never spoken to him this way before. "You are an amazing person who I fell in love with, and I don't care about anything but that," she said and then placed her hands on his cheeks to pull him a little closer, "you are special Maan, don't ever believe anything else," she told him emotionally, all anger draining as quickly as it had risen. "Did you just say you will box my ears," Maan asked still a little taken aback at the threat she had issued him. "In everything I said that is all you heard," Kirti quipped back. Maan smiled. Heartfelt. His first in such a long time. He placed his hands over hers where they rested on his cheeks. "You will have to reach my ears first," he told her and at the disgruntled look she passed him, he laughed softly. "You are special Kirti, and I am one lucky **** to have your undying love and loyalty," he said squeezing her hands gently, "I don't deserve someone like you, but I cannot let you go either, I am too selfish for that," he told her and she smiled even as moisture started to gather in her eyes, "I want to make it right for you, marry me," he said and paused. Giving her time to understand what he was saying to her. She looked surprised. "Marry you?" she repeated. Then shook her head even as a frown formed on her forehead, "why?" she asked. "I won't be able to stand your family insulting you the way they have Kirti," he said swallowing hard. He loved her, dammit. That should have been what he should have said. What was he scared of? "I will react and react badly," he said noticing her searching gaze. He took in a deep breath, and let it out. It was time. If he didn't tell her now, he may never tell her. Sure, she knew he loved her, maybe she had always known, even before he had realized it himself but, he still needed to tell her, she deserved it. She deserved his utmost honesty. "Besides, I would hate anyone who would slight the girl I love so much, the girl I cannot live without," he said in one go. There, it was out in the open now and he felt relieved. Suddenly, he felt light. Everything became clear. Easier. Happy. This one line in the open made him feel....free. It was amazing. He had always wanted his freedom but had never imagined that by binding himself to Kirti, he would know the true meaning of it. "What did you say?" Kirti asked fearing she might have heard it wrong. "I love you Kirti," Maan repeated for her and realized it came much easier this time round. "Oh Maan," Kirti said and fell into his arms hugging him tight. "Nothing matters now, nobody," she said and closed her eyes hearing his steady heartbeat. She was home. This was where she belonged. With him. "Marry me Kirti," Maan said again as he placed his chin on top of her head. "No," Kirti replied on a whisper. "Why?" Maan asked suddenly perplexed as he raised her chin to know her reason. "I won't deny I had thought of it, I won't deny I had thought that marrying you would bring me closer to you, and of course, it would seal our lives together, forever," she said softly, "but I have realized that to be closer to you, to have a lifetime with you does not require marriage," she said, "we can do that anytime, but I want it to be our decision, not because of what has happened in the past few days or tonight or whatever else," she told him, "I am now much clearer in what I want, and all I want is to be with you," she said sincerely. "Kirti I..." Maan started but he had heard the honesty in her voice. She was right in a way. They could marry anytime. They were meant to be together. The idea of getting married to her wasn't as scary as it used to be. He would woo her, the correct way. Something he hadn't done before. He would bide his time. Next time when he proposed marriage she would be ready too. For now, they were together, and that was all that mattered. He was bloody lucky, she hadn't shown him the door after all that had happened, and he would make sure he made the most of this chance he had got. There was a lot to do. A lot to be mended. And he would. In time. Right now, she was all that mattered. "I love you Kirti," he said softly gently tracing her cheekbones with the back of his hand, bringing her head closer till his lips met hers. And he felt the jolt all the way to his core. It wasn't the first time he had kissed her. But something had changed. His heart and mind were one. He could have sworn he heard the fireworks somewhere. Accepting and declaring his feelings openly had removed any barrier that had stood in their way before. He had always loved her and yet maintained a certain distance. Tonight, there were no more barriers between them. He was home. And this was where he wanted to be, always. Kirti couldn't be more thankful to her luck. There was a time where she hadn't been sure which way things would go, but everything had fallen into place. Everything had turned out to be just right. Maybe, they had both needed to come back here, to Chandigarh, to face their inner demons. They both had them. And now they were both cleansed of them. Maan declaring his love openly, there was nothing more she wanted. She was home. Right where he was. Everything else, could wait, she didn't care much at this point. There was immediate present and a long future to look forward to. And both Maan and Kirti couldn't wait to explore either. There was still a long way to go but together they could chart their own paths, mend broken relationships and hearts...together, they could, together, they will. For now, they were content.

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