my diary

14th of may 2023!

TODAY WAS MY BIRTHDAY STREAM, AND IT WAS AMAZING

honestly, i loved it :3 sad thing is though, i ha to stop early cuz of tiredness and the most powerful cramps ive ever felt- im still dying inside, they have not stopped yet, even hours later-

i also had a big scare today, which luckily turned out to be just a prank- im not gonna say much about it, but i felt like i should atleast include it here, as it was a big part of my day, and probs my nightmares tonight- someone who i consider myself close to did one of those 'you did something horribly wrong and i dont want anything to do with you anymore' pranks- so i see this is the perfect time to tell my tragic backstory ;) it all started when i was born xD just kiddin, this story starts last year in februari lol. so, i had a school excursion, and there, i was just talking to some girls from my class, who then started talking to someone who was supposed to be in my class but changed right before the schoolyear started. and i just kinda joined in on convo, and the kid and i started to become friends. one of his friends also started talking to me, and we just clicked! so i joined their friendgroup, and a bit after i also brought someone else into the group. they fit in emmediatly, and everyone was happy... or atleast for some time. bc then cracks started to appear in the group. the person i got into the friendgroup started to push me out, and the other peron started also doing that. summervacation came, and we didnt talk. after summervacay, we went back to school, and it started up again. then something weird happened. i stayed late after school, and then went home. but i forgot my jacket, so i went back, and saw both the friends were also still there, but outside the school. i go in, get my jacket, go outside, and i see: the schoolgates closed. and the 'friends' were right out therethe whole damn time. they didnt even say anything when it was being closed either-- i was like wtf? welp, i call for help, someone gets me out, and i go on with my day, until i get a message from one of the them, saying "i dont want you posting pictures of my face on snapchat" despite me not doing that for like 2 months prior, and always asking permission to do so. they get mad, so i ask the other person what to do, cuz they know them best. well, we talk for a bit, and all of a sudden they just start talking about how i "only think of myself and never let their mental health a place" which first of all: i do, im the therapist of the group, and second of all: they didnt let my mental health a place. well that, and they literally told me right after (and i will never forget these words they hurt me so badly, bc they were from the people i considered my best friends) "i fucking hate you, you selfcentered bitch" so i was like, what did i do? "you dont even know?!? HA u dont even know! youve been the worst friend ever" that hurt me through and through, as i tried and tried to be the best friend i could, all those months- so yeah, when that prank of today occured i was so scared it was going to happen again, the people i consider my besties, my friends, that i would lose everyone again and start over- (this would be the 3rd time) but luckily, luckily it was just a prank, and i can breathe again- that was the story, thanks for sitting with me through that pain lol also, i want to clarify: the person that did this joke is completely forgiven, i just got a little scared/angry in the beginning, bc the emotions just got a grip on me- so also sorry to that person might they read this and feel my emotions-

that was today, and dont forget to smile!