"𝐵𝑒𝑒𝑛 𝑑𝑒𝑎𝑑 𝑖𝑛𝑠𝑖𝑑𝑒,
𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑠𝑎𝑦 𝑦𝑜𝑢'𝑟𝑒 𝑔𝑜𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑛𝑜𝑤ℎ𝑒𝑟𝑒"
❛ 𝑪𝒉𝒂𝒏𝒍𝒊𝒙
❛ 𝒕𝒘𝒔: 𝒈𝒖𝒏, 𝒔𝒖𝒊𝒄𝒊𝒅𝒆 𝒂𝒕𝒕𝒆𝒎𝒑𝒕
❛ 𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒅𝒔: 713
***
"Hey, Lix! Let's go to-" a voice pauses, frozen in the doorway.
Felix turns to look at the person.
It's Chan.
"What are you doing?"
"Go the fuck away"
They speak in unison, Chan clearly flinching at the tone of the blond's voice. Felix doesn't move a muscle though.
Felix feels like he's a second away from exploding completely, pulling the trigger at anyone who dares to come close or even look at him. Lastly, the bullet could pierce his own skull.
"Hey... Put the gun down, please" Chan says, voice gentler. He puts his arms in the air as if surrendering and showing he means no harm. As he's about to take a cautious step forward, Felix hisses at him.
"Do not come closer"
The adrenaline shooks his whole body. He lifts the hand holding the handgun in the air.
"If you come closer, I'll shoot-" he considers for a little while. "I-I'll shoot myself"
The older a few meters away from him looks pale. He frowns, eyes wide and he looks clearly scared. Something different compared to the strong, fearless Chris, who is leader-like and powerful.
Also, Chan has a skill to keep calm and tranquil, in any context.
"Felix... You don't mean that, you're in your head at the moment, just put the gun down, we can talk" Chan speaks slowly and softly.
Felix finds himself itching to do just that; Throwing the gun away and jumping into the older's arms. The thunderstorm inside him is stronger though.
It has been there for weeks, rising and intensifying. His shattered heart has been replaced by that storm, taking everything away from him: emotions, lust for life, will to live. Everything.
He should die. He should have died a long time ago.
He should have realized that sooner to prevent the guilt.
However, right now, Chan is ruining everything. Felix doesn't want to talk. There is nothing to talk about. Why doesn't Chan understand that? Why doesn't he listen to Felix for once and go away?
Felix's hands shake. He looks at Chan, shooting daggers at him. Chan's kind eyes which are full of fear are doing something to Felix.
He forces himself not to back fown though. Not now.
He lifts the gun to the side of his head. Chan panics.
"No, no, no! Felix, hey, please, just- please" he begs, tone desperate and earnest. Felix feels tears in his eyes. He can't look at the older, so he turns away.
"Please, think about it, it's not worth it, think about your mom!"
"Chan, stop!" Felix snaps. This is becoming too much.
"You don't understand! She's gone and she won't come back! I should be gone too, it's all my fault, so, yes, I am thinking about her!" Felix yells, almost seeing red. He's just so hurt right now.
"She's gone..." he whimpers, losing his voice, airways closing.
There's a pause. Felix feels his hyungs eyes on him.
"Lixie... What about the promise to me? If you go, I go" Chan speaks and at those words, Felix loses it. He loosens his grip on the gun and lowers it a bit.
The promise.
He can't break it. He can't.
"So, if you go now, I'll follow, right?"
"Hyungie..."
"It's okay, Lixie"
The blond boy turns around slowly, facing the older. Unable to look at his hyung, his eyes are downcast, on the floor. His other hand holding the gun is hanging in the air.
He sees in his peripheral vision Chan taking a cautious, slow step forward. Felix lets him. He's defeated.
Of course, Chan would know what to do. He always does. He always does the right things.
Felix is nothing compared to him.
The gun is taken away from him gently, the next second he's being pulled into an embrace. It's a welcoming, warm embrace. Felix buries himself in it.
He sobs quietly, unsure of what else to do. Chan lets him, petting him here and there and shushing him as if Felix was a child.
Maybe he is, after all.
Promises are supposed to be kept, right? But they are made to be broken as well. Felix chooses to keep his.
