"𝐵𝑙𝑢𝑒 ℎ𝑎𝑖𝑟, 𝑏𝑙𝑢𝑒 𝑎𝑖𝑟,
𝑏𝑙𝑢𝑒 𝑏𝑎𝑛𝑑𝑎𝑖𝑑𝑠 𝑤𝑜𝑛'𝑡 𝑟𝑒𝑝𝑎𝑖𝑟"
❛ 𝑱𝒊𝒍𝒊𝒙
❛ 𝒕𝒘𝒔: 𝒂𝒓𝒈𝒖𝒊𝒏𝒈, 𝒍𝒐𝒕𝒔 𝒐𝒇 𝒃𝒂𝒅 𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒅𝒔, 𝒄𝒐𝒎𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒐𝒖𝒕
❛ 𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒅𝒔: 967
***
"What the actual fuck?!"
The door to his room bursts open with such a force that it might've punched a hole in the wall. He jumps immediately up from his seat, headphones falling off.
He turns around to face the intruder.
"What now, Lix? What could be so important that you-"
"What? Now you're asking me, huh?! What the fuck is- what the fuck is wrong with you?!"
"Huh?"
"'Huh?' Don't you have anything else to say? Don't act so stupid now, you fucking asshole!!"
"Lix, what? What is going on?"
"You- I- I can't- I can't believe this!!"
"Believe what?"
"THIS! This mess! Look at yourself, Jisung! Listen to yourself, for fuck's sake!!" Jisung watches his best friend screaming. There's wet tears staining his friend's cheeks and distress radiating off of his figure.
And Jisung? He just stands and stares, with an empty head and a dumb look on his face.
He's so dumb, what the actual hell?
How can someone possibly be this dumb??
He has no clue. Of course he doesn't.
'Just do the right thing. Just do the right thing.'
'Do what feels right. What feels right?'
Nothing fucking feels right! Nothing IS right!
Oh, good gracious.
"-ucking zone out now, Han Jisung! I swear to god!"
He snaps his eyes to his friend in front of him, crying and screaming. Accuses being shot at him and the fault is his, the fault is his, the fault is his.
"You're so fucking stupid, you know that?! How can someone even be this thoughtless?!" the boy in front of him looks at him. Jisung turns his eyes away.
Right.
He can't even look at him in the eyes, like an honest man. Like a man.
'Act like a man, Jisung.'
He's just a boy. They're both just boys still.
"Do you have anything in your brain, huh? Answer me! Jisung!!"
The blonde boy looks like he's at his breaking point. And beyond that. It's hell, literally and figuratively.
"I-I..."
"Don't fucking talk to me now! You didn't open your mouth earlier, so you can keep it shut now and forever!" Felix coughs. He composes himself for a little bit, wiping his face with his sleeves and sniffling.
He glares at the day older.
"Felix..." Jisung tries, unsure and hesitant and mad idiotic.
"Suit yourself, Jisung. You're a bloody imbecile! A jerk! A fucking fag!" there's a blaming finger being pointed at him. He goes pale.
Jisung never thought-
"You're a really, really disgusting person, you know, Jisung? Like, after all that I really thought we were fine and then you- then you just-"
Jisung closes his eyes. He doesn't want to listen to this.
He can't.
'You can, Jisung.'
"S-stop-"
"You're so fucking dirty and- and- and vile!! You're so stupid!! Shame on you, honestly, I'm ashamed of you, really" Felix speaks with his every words piercing Jisung's skull, poisoning his soul.
Jisung never thought Felix would talk to him like that. Talk about him like that. Straight to his face. Like this.
"Felix, stop, please-"
Felix chuckles, it's bitter and sad, honestly.
"Yeah, sure, I'll stop. Whatever you want" he says. He's turning around but stops. "Hope you get fucking AIDS and suffer from it and I-" he takes a moment.
"I hope you fucking die of it!" Felix says loudly. Too loudly.
Felix glares at him. Jisung's speechless. He can't believe his ears.
It's his turn to start shaking, anger building, betrayal, sadness, bitterness, everything.
"Go have fun with your fag friends, I'm not a friend with such a disgusting creature that you are, Jisung."
Felix turns around and steps outside. Jisung has his eyes glued to the floor, a screaming Felix pulsing in his head.
His cheeks are uncomfortably wet. It feels so painful, in his chest, in his heart. All of it. Not only emotionally but physically as well.
"And Jisung? Yes, I lied, you're not okay, okay? Get some real help."
The door closes with a click.
The words are out, floating in the air, surrounding him.
He never thought-
'It's okay, Jisung.'
'It's okay to be gay. It's okay to be gay.'
'You're okay.'
He's not okay.
...
This must be a fever dream, a very delusional dream. A very, very sweet and surreal dream that's built by the subconscious.
There's no way.
After all these years of being cowardly, hiding behind the stone cold covers around him, he feels...
He feels warm. He feels at home.
He feels okay.
He IS okay.
"Sungie... I love you, nothing's gonna change that, ever, you hear me?"
He can't believe his ears. He can't do anything but keep nodding.
And crying. Although, they're happy tears. It's happiness.
He never thought he'd feel this kind of euphoria.
"You don't have to talk now, okay? I'm here, I've got you" the voice is low but gentle.
There's a warm body pressing against his, someone holding him.
His best friend.
"Felix..." he sniffles.
There's a hum, a hand caressing his back.
"I-I love you too" he whispers. He feels Felix smiling against his shoulder.
He's so happy he's glowing. The warm feeling is spreading everywhere.
It doesn't matter that they sit in a dark bathroom, in the middle of this crazy house party. In the middle of the night.
Jisung felt so guilty after kissing that random guy and getting caught. Not by Felix, but by himself as well. And now they're here, at the rock bottom.
"Let's get out of here and go home, okay?"
He nods. His head throbs. He wants home.
"Here, I'll help you" he takes the other's hand and stands up with a shaky body.
He's okay.
