breaking through my defenses

chapter 10

Leaving him for the second time had been even more agonizing than the first, considering this time he had declared that he'd abandoned him, abandoned the only person that had made him feel disquieting yet pleasant sensations, but this time he couldn't just desert with nothing to cleave onto. He snuck to his brother's room, where his once intact angel was laying asleep, scarred and wingless. Gently reaching for him with glistening eyes, faintly tracing his cheek with the back of his hand, planting a ghost kiss on his forehead his hair no longer covered, whispering "I'm sorry" knowing he'd never know how sorry he was, and to Rin too, he had said some harsh words he hadn't meant, but it was for their own good, they'd better survive without him.

He ran away, he hadn't stayed for the week, he spent the rest of the night in the airport, after calling his manager to book him the closest flight, be it a first or second class, Japan was suffocating and beyond tolerance at that very moment.

Days formed months, then a year, then two. His career had reached its peak, already surpassing his peers, building a name for himself as the best midfielder in the world, having had completely come in terms of his skills being more efficient as such, than a striker. Standing on top of the world, as one of the generation's eleven made his attitude worsen, looking down on everyone, mercilessly and beautifully destroying everyone, as well as their hopes, spirits, and dreams. He wasn't miserable nor joyful, he was empty, a simple soccer machine that delivered perfect passes and occasionally scores when needed, and that he didn't mind at all. The fleeting thrill of victory had always been enough to satisfy his greed.

Yoichi was there, somewhere in the back of his mind, he kept his feelings buried, although they'd occasionally make appearance, with a throbbing pain in his chest, the last video he had received from him, was a couple of weeks before the storm, telling him he was stirred to see him again, and that he had something to tell him, he's figured it by now, among other things; things like the actual identity of his biggest mistake. He was late to realize that it wasn't him who was holding him back, but his own fears, fear of failure, fear to engage in the unknown, fear of his human side. He, instead, was a crucial part of why he had kept going, surviving.

He's watched the whole blue lock program, after stumbling upon its announcement during his stay in Japan to renew his expired visa. He's watched his little brother and friend evolving at abnormal rates, he felt nothing but pride. He was glad they had each other's backs when he was gone, rather betrayed them.

"Are you sure you don't wanna hop in? It'd be a great training to your brother and number 11" Ego suggested once again, when they were going against the world class players,

"No, I'm fine" he declined, he'd rather not face them then and there. He was still yet to deal with the flood of emotions after watching him, as well as others, for a while. The years-long suppressed feelings were threatening to spill and spoil his every plan to leave him alone for what he's caused him.

Electric blue eyes met sea green ones, briefly, as Yoichi had averted his eyes oh so quickly, he couldn't unravel what they held towards him. He looked ethereal, with his long hair and lean figure, he had to refrain himself from staring, looking with the same bored look at his brother who was glaring at him, oh.

His attempt to apologize was met with a stern rejection from the boy who refused to spar him any time, which he deserved entirely. He was going to let him go, let himself be the one abandoned, Yoichi deserved better, and he was doing just fine alone.