breaking through my defenses

chapter 13

With Sae's departure to Spain, his life was painted a dull color, falling to an exasperating monotony. All he knew was that days formed weeks, that formed months, then three long years with no Sae in them, which left a huge hole in his heart, having not heard from him for ages, with not even a reply to his messages. He knew he was busy and did not hold him accountable for the matter, it thrilled him enough that he'd seen a bunch of them that even he himself wouldn't watch, mortified by his stupid young self. He only hoped he was thriving, given that he's noticed his weight loss over the recorded matches.

He might've come with terms with his limits, and the genius of Sae and his brother, but that wouldn't chase away the insecurity at once. He was no longer chasing after what he can't have rather tried to dive deeper into what he could achieve, using his sharp senses in a more strategic way, instead of fully relying on his instincts, like Sae had advised him. That would unlock limitless possibilities for his plays, the only thing left for him to do was to get his physique up to realizing them.

However, with the pressure he felt upon seeing Sae's progress who kept widening the gap between them, he went overboard with his training, which resulted in him lying in a hospital bed for hours, after passing out from exhaustion and lack of sleep.

"Yo-chan honey, if this keeps happening you won't be allowed to play soccer anymore." his mother said with a soft yet a serious tone, worry wearing over her slightly wrinkled face.

"I'm sorry mom, it won't happen again." He apologized; his eyes fixated on the white cloth that covered his legs.

She narrowed her eyed, "well? Care to explain this irrationality?"

Intertwining his fingers in his lap, clasping his hands tightly, he started, "I need to get stronger."

"I haven't reached my ideal way to play—I can't beat Sae if I am this weak, I'll be left behind—and I'll never catch up to him—or worse, he wouldn't talk to me ever again because I'm not good enough-" he ranted, forgetting that he had to breathe throughout the process.

His mother patted his head, "calm down sweetie." she cooed, and with a little serious tone she added, "and don't you ever think you're not enough. I know nothing about this soccer thing- but I know you're good, and if you're not that- good now, you'll eventually be with your devotion."

"yeah but-"

"Do you think Sae would be happy seeing you like this?" she asked, quirking an eyebrow.

Now that he's considered it, Sae would absolutely scold him for that, he shook his head in denial, which was enough for her to resume her rebukes.

"Then why are you going beyond your limits? Is it because I allowed you go to the Itoshi's that you got your scale broken?" she reprimanded,

"No, mom Rin has nothing to do with this. Sae will be coming back soon and I wanna test my progress" then lowering his voice a bet, almost inaudibly added, "but you can't exactly something that doesn't exist." To his misfortune, he was heard.

"Yoichi! How can you say such thing? Of course, there is. I'm quite sure you're not the same as you were a year ago or even a month ago. And what about you making a fuss about this boy; Sae this and Sae that... Do you like him?"

His cheeks reddened, "what?" Then realizing there could be another meaning to it, he rubbed the back of his neck, "I mean yeah, of course, he's my friend and someone I admire and look up-"

"yeah, and all that. Looks more than just that to me." She remarked, with a knowing smile.

"you're just seeing things." he mumbled,

"Oh, darling we both know I don't just see things, where do you think you got your sharpness from?" she sang, making his blush intensify. "Well, you must confess to him."

"But isn't it weird that-"

"you're both boys? No, not at all. Love can blossom between any two people who care for each other deeply, and from the looks of it, he had a thing for you too."

He wanted to believe his mother's words, but he couldn't help but argue right away, "c'mon now have you seen him? He's way cu-cooler than I am—and he's good-looking and—"

"oh, shut up, love-struck" she tousled his hair, "you're pretty cute yourself."

"Well you're my mom of course you'd say that" he muttered embarrassingly.

She quirked an eyebrow, "so I'm a liar now?"

"I didn't say that.. But I really haven't received a single confession in my life." he confessed in a hushed tone.

"Yo-chan, you haven't even reached high school yet, why so impatient?" she chided, with no sign of heartfelt annoyance.