He'd seen it, in the depth of Sae's green eyes, he's seen despair mirroring the one his younger self almost fell victim to upon trying to coexist with a pure talent. Bad choice of words, against the antagonism displayed by Sae was fatal to the outcome of the conversation, and his attempt to reach a hand for him had miscarried.
He also realized that even the likes of Sae can be broken, talent was susceptible of defeat, and he could work with that. Not that Sae was an easily breakable character, but his lack of experience as to how to deal with the frustration of being outplayed shrunk his chances to survive, given that he already had a loathsome relationship with failure, and would give up if things didn't go his way.
Despite his harsh words, he didn't have it in him to despise Sae, he could condone his outburst for the hell he hypothesized he's been through, but it still stung. And he thought he deserved a decent apology albeit not holding a grudge, especially that he's dragged him two long years for it, after he was staggered by the fact that he's left the next morning after the fight, having had expected it to happen within his week of stay. Because in fact, he hadn't fully moved on from his childish admiration, he clung to it, his hair carrying in its length his yearning, the burden of his vow, and the pain of being deserted.
He believed Sae would come back to him; his hurtful words made him even more dedicated to make it happen, to surpass his limits, and prove him wrong.
Victory against Sae was thrilling, to say the least, but it was a steppingstone that he wouldn't rest on his laurels over. It was the first step into showing Sae how wrong he was, and for his insecurity to fully wash away. He no longer felt the inferiority he struggled under with him, not that he didn't notice that Sae didn't break a sweat throughout the whole match, but he's managed to defeat a version of him that was just testing him.
Next thing he knew was their kiss in the beach. His rationality was nowhere to be seen as he entered a state of ecstasy, his brain reciting the same lines over and over again like a mantra,
Sae came back to me.
Right now, Sae is kissing me,
Sae said he loved me,
Sae apologized so many times,
Sae said I was beautiful,
I am no longer abandoned, Sae wants me too, I was right,
Sae's smell,
Sae, Sae..
holy shit it's the real thing..
Even breaking apart didn't bring him back to his senses. He had to quiet down his thoughts as he let himself be held by his life-long crush, coming to a conclusion that he had to sort out his thoughts somewhere that didn't have Sae in it, as much as he liked to freeze in the moment, he wasn't in control of whatever actions or words that'll follow, and neither was Sae apparently, who still asked as they reached the train station,
"Are you sure you don't want stay for the night? It's my last one until, well I don't know." He asked, only for isagi to decline arguing that he'd have to reconciliate with his brother whom he just rejected, and that he was still feeling guilty about not discerning of his feelings, among other excuses, promising he'd make it to the airport the following day.
He arrived to his house, his mind still spinning from the eventful day, lousily greeting his parents, and retreating to his room, after announcing that he wasn't hungry.
He laid on his bed, going over the memories of earlier, his hand travelled subconsciously to his lips, as the rhythm of his heartbeat quickened. He suddenly regretted not staying over, he could've stayed with Sae more, to catch up on, well he didn't know what was there to catch up on, but they would've figured it out.
He ended up doing next to no thinking, his mind refusing to think straight as it played the same scene like a broken record, lulling him to sleep, he'd worry about all that later.
"Where the hell were you?" he exclaimed, first thing when Yoichi picked up the phone after his fifth call, as he was pacing back and forth in the waiting room, as his brother eyed him in int
"Rin?" came a hoarse voice from the other side of the phone, indicating that he's just woken up. He scoffed.
"Are you seriously sleeping till now?"
"I- forgot to set an alarm.. Did.. Did Sae leave already?" he could hear panic in his voice, to assure him that it wasn't the case,
"Asshole over there wanted to spend more time with you." he mumbled, so that his brother wouldn't hear that he exposed him.
"I- I see. I'll be there shortly." He stuttered, these boys are a mess, he thought with a shake of his head, as if they weren't the mature ones in this story.
YOU ARE READING
breaking through my defenses
Fanfiction"I'm sorry" he repeated, his voice cracking with the amount of agony and regret he's holding. Yoichi, inhaling a shaky breath, choked out, "I don't forgive you, then" "You shouldn't." he faintly concurred, his teal eyes fixated on the sea before him.
