Flowers in the Darkest Parts: Bucky Barnes X OC

Bucky

I sit with my back against the wall and I struggle to keep my mind off of you. As much as I want to be with you, I know that I have to be careful not to push. But it's so damn hard. I've waited all this time to see you again and it's killing me not to be able to show you just how much I've missed you.

Losing you was one of the hardest things I've ever had to go through. I've blamed myself every single day since. I had finally found the girl of my dreams and you were ripped away from me.

Even though I was thrown into battle in Germany and captured by HYDRA, I still thought about coming after you every single day. It ate away at me night and day and it tore me apart to think about what kinds of things they were doing to you. The world can be too cruel to innocent people like you.

When they turned me into the Winter Soldier, I lost myself for a long time. The memories of you never truly left, but rather, they were pushed deep down. It took a while for me to rekindle my memories, and when I did, you were there right where I left you.

Now that you're here with us, I get a second chance. I get to have you back in my arms again, I get to kiss you again, hold you, feel your warmth. My heart flutters now just thinking about you.

I hang my head between my knees. I had come to terms that you had already died long ago. I had been heartbroken, but still accepted the fact that you could now be at peace. There was no way to predict that HYDRA had done the same thing to you that they did to me and kept you preserved for this long. Now that you're here and alive, that peace is now far, far away.

And that almost breaks my heart even more.

As I'm caught up in my own thoughts, I begin to hear a sound coming through your door. I sit very still and strain my ears. As I listen, it's obvious what the sound is and my stomach drops. You're crying.

I stand up and put my hand on your door knob to open it, but I stop. I close my eyes and wonder if going in there for you is the right thing to do.

Don't push.

I continue to listen to your wailing sobs. I can't stand to hear so much pain coming from you. I need to be there for you, even if you don't know who I am. Even though you don't remember.

I can't hold myself back anymore. Damn it.
I swing open the door and see you curled up in a ball on the floor. The sounds that escape from your mouth are haunting. They're sounds of grief, of mourning, of agony. The sound of years of mental and physical torture finally releasing itself in truth. I never want to hear them coming from you ever again.

"Rose?" I run over to you, dropping to my knees. I've never seen you like this. Shattered, absolutely broken.

And I feel my heart shatter right there with you.

I wrap my arms around you and lift you up. Cradling you, I pull you close to my body. You're trembling so hard, your hands balled tight into fists and tears streaming down your face. I hold you tight, hoping the presence of another human is enough to ease you. "Shh, you're okay now. I'm here." I run my hand over your head, stroking  your hair. "Breathe." You shake and cry for a while more, but soon begin to quiet.

I can't tell if I'm more angry with HYDRA or myself.

You look up at me with your big blue eyes. Tears soak your cheeks, "James?" The word is barely a whisper, but I hear it loud and clear.

My body turns to ice. I stare back at you in disbelief. I can barely comprehend what just came out of your mouth.

"What?" I barely get out.

You swallow. "James Buchanan Barnes," you breathe.

You don't know that name, at least not right now. We never told you my real name when you woke up here. Do you remember who I am? My mind screams with the thought. Please remember me, please remember us.