Girl from Mitras ★ A. Arlert

Chapter 89 - Walking in the night

She didn't understand how she ended up in the graveyard.

The sun has set. While Y/N wandered around the city, the street lights began to turn on. Slowly, she reached the central graveyard. It was already dark, but there were lanterns in the graveyard. She reached the place, settling next to the gravestone. She sat down on the side of the grave, leaning her back on the gravestone.

- And as always, in my difficult moments, I find myself here, dad...

She hugged her knees as tears silently flowed from her eyes.

- You know, dad, when you told me about mom, I always thought that this is how love should be... pure, sincere... That there is dedication, mutual understanding, harmony in relationships... and that was all, I was so happy with Armin... I... it seemed that it would always be like this... it seemed to me that we would always cope with everything together. He always understood me perfectly... But today... I don't know what to do... I can't and don't want to break myself so that he can be calmer... you know that I never liked to adapt to others, because this is my nature. I... I've been through so much emotional upheaval in my life, and I don't want to break down because of him again. I love him, I love him so much, but... my mental health is more important to me. And even if it hurts, but... I will not allow myself to break.

She wiped away her tears and buried her nose in the collar of an old sweater.

- It still smells like eucalyptus, as you loved, dad... I miss you so much, I wouldn't hurt your advice now. What can I do? I can't give up on Levi, not after all we've been through - we saved each other when this nightmare was all around. He is a lonely man, he has lost many. And after Erwin died, he stayed by my side, he helped me cope with the losses in the best way he could. I'm incredibly grateful to him for this. I got to know him in a way that no one knows, according to him. For some reason, Armin can't figure it out. Yes, I really thought about staying with Levi at one time, but now I forgot about all this. I let go of this past, leaving everything in that house on the coast. But Armin doesn't believe me, he doesn't trust me, and I don't know why. He just... he said all these words, as if I were guilty before him. I'm offended that all those feelings, all my words, all my care aren't enough to believe in the sincerity of my feelings. I don't know what I need to do to make him start believing me... And the most unpleasant thing is that I told him that I was always ready to listen to him. He told me that he could deal with his problems and contradictions, but in the end... he said all this to me when it was already difficult for me. I get tired because of work, I thought that at least my relationship would bring me joy and comfort, but... I feel so bad now, I don't know...

She glanced at her watch and laughed bitterly.

- It's Friday. How great I spend the evening - in the graveyard alone... What a wonderful fate...

She hid her head in her knees, continuing to cry quietly...

***

- Hey miss, are you okay?

She lifted her head, the keeper of the graveyard was looking at her, holding a lantern in his hands.

- Sir, I... I think I dozed off a bit.

- Oh, miss, sleeping at the graveyard at night is somehow very sad. Are you sure you're all right?

- Yes, sir, thank you, I should probably go home.

- Let me walk you to the exit.

Entering the city, Y/N glanced at her watch, sighing.

- Half past four in the morning. I won't go home.