Girl from Mitras ★ A. Arlert

Chapter 31 - On the edge

TW: suicidal topics - If you feel uncomfortable reading mentions of suicide or suicidal topics - please consider skipping this chapter

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«And you don't know what you're got until it's gone

And you don't know who to love until you're lost

And you don't know how to feel until the moment passed

I wish you'd live like you're made of glass»

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Darkness. There was only darkness around. Y/N seemed to be floating. She was afraid to open her eyes. She was afraid to breathe. She felt like time slowed down. Like there's no more time. Just this feeling. Feeling as if you aren't there, and at the same time - you're everywhere. There's no more body, no boundaries, no frames to fit into. Just she and this feeling.

She took a chance and opened her eyes. It wasn't dark all around, as she thought.

«Am I sleeping? Or... Am I dead?»

It was a bright place. Cave. She stood knee-deep in water, and a bright light poured from above, reflected in the water. She didn't know where she was. She tried to touch the water, but as soon as she put her hand into the water, she felt nothing. She saw her legs, but she didn't feel anything. She screamed, and her scream echoed through the cave. «If the only way out of here is up, then I'm stuck here»

She jumped and... Landed on a green meadow. There was no one else around except the horses. They peacefully wandered nearby, enjoying the warm sunny day. Y/N got up from the ground and walked towards them. These animals always comforted her, it seemed to her. She was petting one of the horses, although her thoughts were far away. She tried to understand where she was and what had happened to her? And... who is she? Why is she here?

Suddenly, someone else appeared in the meadow. The man was riding a horse in her direction.

- Do you want to ride, dear?

- D-dad?

- Well, what else could I be? Go!

She climbed onto one of the horses and they rode somewhere. Y/N had no idea where they were going.

- Dad, where are we? This is the place where people go after they die, right?

- I don't know, daughter. This place is just your imagination. An attempt to cope with a harsh reality, I guess.

- But you're here, how? Why? I usually never talk to you in my dreams...

- Looks like it's about time, dear.

- I think I stumbled somewhere, dad. Every day I do my best, but every day it only gets worse. I remember, as a child, I wanted to grow up as soon as possible to get engage in science, medicine. But now... I do all this, but... It's like there's a weight hanging over me that doesn't give a second chance. If you're wrong, you die. No other way.

- I told you that I only want happiness for you...

- I don't even know what it is anymore... It would be better if I died, then we would be together again, and there would be no worries, fears...

- But you're alive and will live long. And you'll find happiness. In the form which it'll be available to you.

- I don't want to go back. I... I can't remember where I should go back...