Burn to ash

The boy sitting in front of us, I pity him. So much pressure and responsibility thrusted on a boy not even 10years of age. His jobs isn't to kill but to guide and take responsibility for the deaths that happen around and because of him. 

and all we can do for him is to stand watch over him, to protect his small, weak body. We can do nothing to protect his heart. 

They talk amongst themselves, the three children, all that is left of our previous master's legacy. They look panicked and stressed and anxious but the push on. 

" The Thunder Hashira! Protect her body! Do not let Muzan  absorb her! Get her out of there!" A stone, a large heavy stone settles in my stomach.  

I can't over react, i can't react. I cant distract these children from doing their job. I sense the man beside me stand and motion for me to follow. 

" We'll guard from outside." He says this in one breath and I remember the girl that worries me more than anything I've ever felt, the current thunder pillar is his daughter and as he almost seems to collapse to his knees his whole body shaking like a prey under the watchful eye of a predator. In all the time that I've known this man, i have never seen him so vulnerable; sad and angry but never vulnerable but I can't judge him. I can only pray to what ever god is willing to listen that she's ok, that she's alive or that she will at least be alive when all of this is over. I have to stay calm. If I could have my way, I would run to her now, I would run and take her away from there. 
If I could have my way, I'd forsaken the world for this girl, my Hou, the love of my life, the owner if my being, and the light that guides my heart. 

" I'm going to marry her. I'll drag her down the aisle is i have to. She says that she won't marry again, she thinks that she doesn't deserve to be happy but I'm going to marry her." 

He turns to me with such a hurt look that it takes so much out of him so even attempt to smile. 

" I never thanked you. People including me, have always loved her but held her at a distance but you didn't thank you." 

We settled into an uncomfortable silence.

"Tengen, if you'd be willing to have my stupidly selfless idiot of a daughter, it'll be my pleasure to give her to you. So after this is all over, take her away, far away and make her forget all of her pains even if it means forgetting the rest of us, no, make her forget about us." He looks so pitiful now, as if he's a simple father, nothing like the pilar that he once was. 

If we weren't faced with death and danger at the moment I would have joked and laughed, maybe even hugged the man but all i can do at the moment is join him in his silence. 

"at the end of the day, one day we will all be die, some of us will join our comrades and loved ones and some of us will go to hell. Hou and I, we're the same kind of people regardless good or bad. " He hums and stares off into the distance. I can hear the kids inside yelling orders and I can't help but feel the burning in my chest and my heavy heart. 

I know, i wish i didn't but I know how much Hou loves all of us, how much pressure she is under and I know, I know, that she would never let Muzan have her, at least not alive. I'm certain that if she was caught, she would not hesitate to take her own life, or at least try to. 

I need her to be alive, to love her life more than peace. I need her to miss me more than she's willing to die. I need her to be alive. 

'I've got her' i hear it like a whispering wind

'she'll be fine I've got her. i won't let her go without you.' Id recognize that voice anywhere and I know that she'll be ok. I let out a breath. Maybe it's a figment of my imagination that will disappoint me but I want to believe that it will be ok. 

i want to believe that everything will be alright and a sudden guilt settles in my mind as well. 

If only I could have fought along side her. I could have protected her back. If only i were stronger, I wouldn't have lost my arm, I could have supported her at the very least. Rather than disappointment, its jealousy. 

I wanted to be the one to be her hero, but she's suffering alone on the battle field and here i am, unable to do anything for her. She's over there dying alone and I'm here, unable to convince her to live. 

and here I am, assuming that Kyojuro, where ever he is, where ever his soul is, will save her. Assuming that she means enough to him that he will convince her to live. 

Jealously because I know he means that much to her. Will I cross her mind at all. 

Even in death, I am competing with the late flame pillar and I don't have Hou's smile to reassure me. 

If all is well and we make it through the night, I'll make sure that all of her memories, good an bad, everything from her life as a demon slayer, even while being the former sound pillar, I'll get rid of it all and that with me, our ugliness, Hou and I's darkness will 

Burn to Ash