FOREIGN KIDS (south park au)

kyle and cartman?

KAMALA HARRIS

send these garrison, trump loving heathens to the secret government torture room, with the rest of the low lifes.

TWEEK

ARRRHHHH!!!!!!! WHAT THE HELL?? I WAS RIGHT???? I WAS RIGHT!!!!! OH GOD!!!!!!

****tons of guards come out of nowhere, damien tries to use his powers but they don't work because they are now all wearing demon protection necklaces, mysterion and tweek try to fight them off but there's just too many of them, they are doomed. all of the kids get dragged to the secret government torture room. there's 3 other people in the room kyle, cartman, and mr garrison (still knocked out).

STAN

kyle? cartman?

CARTMAN

oh man, am i glad to see you guys...

KYLE

stan? what's going on?

STAN

well.. we tried to break into the white house to save the moles sister from some religious cult and got caught by the guards...

MYSTERION

...i'm starting to believe that his sister doesn't even fucking exist.

CRAIG

wait... how the fuck did you guys even get here?

KYLE

yeah how the fuck did we even get here, cartman??!!!

CARTMAN

well i was just minding my own business until i heard a loud noise interrupting my terrance and phillip TV time. so i looked outside my window and i saw all you guys going on some kick ass private jet.

CARTMAN

and i wondered to myself.... after every goddamn thing i do for you fucking guys! especially you stan!!! you still didn't invite us! ...me and kenny and kyle.... your real fucking friends!

CARTMAN

so i went to kenny's house to tell him we need some new friends who actually fucking like us!! but he wasn't home for some reason. so i went to kyle's house instead. then on the way to kyle's, i saw craig's fucking lame ass snapchat story of him holding a hamster or whatever the fuck in the private jet, with the caption "on the way to washington dc, yeah don't ask." and then i ran back home stole my mom's credit card, bought 2 flight tickets, dragged kyle along and we followed you guys since the tour group. we tried to follow you guys into the white house too but then some asshole guards said we're "trespassing" and that's "illegal" whatever the fuck that means and now we're here.

KYLE

i told you this was a bad fucking idea, fatass!

CARTMAN

sorry guys.. kyle just always seems to have sand in-

KYLE

shut the fuck up you-

STAN

guys stop fighting. we need to be civil if we are going to find a way out of here.

MYSTERION

.....i need to die. that's the only way i can help you guys.

****everyone looks at each other in confusion like they heard him wrong.

TWEEK

AH???!!

STAN

uh..... what?