skinny love

chapter 20

i'm not sure why i am at michael's house, why i am letting him, why i'm feeling these emotions, but i am. i know there's a part of me that's scared and doesn't feel like i deserve this, but i also know there's a part of me that wants this, needs this.

am i weird for already picturing a future with this guy? the problem with being broken and lost is always desperately seeking for something or someone to hold you over until you're "okay". i so desperately wish my life could play out in a different way whether that's past, present, or future. i over think so much til my brain is hurting, til i'm exhausted. michael and i are watching a movie and all i can think or do is talk to myself with my own thoughts. if that doesn't speak crazy i don't know what does.

"um, hello?" michael questions while waving his hand in my face.

crap, i must've disassociated again. i do it a lot.

"sorry, just lost in the movie" following a fake laugh.

"i don't blame ya, how could you not fall in love with captain america?" he smirked.

"you're not wrong, clifford"

-
movie was over. mom hasn't checked up on me. maybe she thinks i'm at school. i guess we got lost in time and decided that school was a no go today. michael gets up to take care of the dishes so i decide to check my phone.

oh crap, dead. no no no no. that's why i haven't heard nothing from my mom, matter of fact, Ed.

"hey mikey, do you have phone charger i could use? my phone is dead" did i just call him that?

"did you just call me mikey?" he laughed. "yes i have a charger, i'll go get it!" he ran up the stairs to find it.

i got up and noticed all the pictures around the house. so many baby pictures, he was a cute baby. admiring his school pictures, he's so cute, so "edgy".

"admiring me?" michael comes out of no where, handing me the charger as i stand startled.

"you wish" as i laughed "just wanted to see more details"

i walk to the kitchen and plug the charger into the island. i plug my phone in and wait for the disaster to come.

-
*5 unread messages*

Ed: on my way to get you!
Ed: where are you??
Ed: i think i know 😉 text me asap

hey ed! sorry. my plan was not to missed school today... just got caught up with michael. i'll explain later, come over tonight

mom: Hey sweetie! Had to go into work early today! I hope you have a good day, will see you later. I love you! ❤️

i knew she was lying, but i'm just thankful she didn't find out.

all good mom! love ya see ya later! 🥰

Clifford😈: i see you

i looked up at michael to see him grinning at me as i read his text.

"you are a dork" i laughed.

"i know" he said as he sat down on the couch and turned on some tv.

i started at his contact name and decided i didn't like the emoji. hmmm. what should i change it to you? i asked myself. oooh, i know!

clifford🐶

clifford the big red dog seems fitting. i get up and walk to the living room, michael looks at me and invites me to sit next to him.

i sit down and lean against him, relaxing. just enjoying the moment and not think about repercussions, nothing.