I breathe in slowly. Food is life. I exhale, take another breath. Food is life. And that's the problem. When you're alive, people can hurt you. It's easier to crawl into a bone cage or a snowdrift of confusion. It's easier to lock everybody out.
But it's a lie.
-
I hear my alarm clock blaring into my ear. Great another shitty day. I look at my clock to see the time: 6 am.
I sit up and rub my face. I look around and adjust to waking up. I take my blanket off and walk towards the bathroom. I close the door behind me and lock it. I step on the scale and read my weight; 110 pounds. I look in the mirror and look at myself in disgust. I feel a tear go down my cheek as I stare my body. I go through this everyday. I hate myself so much.
I grab the razor on the counter and slit my thigh. The more I gain the more I punish myself for it. When will be the day I'm not fat? I step in the in the shower and turn on the faucet. As the warm water hits my back I begin to wash my hair. I close my eyes and sit there. I begin to wash my body, feeling disgusted at what I am. As soon as I finish I grab my towel and head to my closet. I look in my closet for something comfy, yet nothing showy.
I find a oversized grey sweater and a black pair of jeans. I go to my drawer and put my bra and underwear on. I slide my sweater over my head and put my black jeans on. I go to the bathroom and brush out my hair and put it in a neat bun. I put some light make-up on and a little mascara. I smile at my self in the mirror, but it instantly turns to a frown. I grab my tooth brush and start brushing my teeth, as I brush my teeth I head to put my socks. My feet were cold so I put on cute fuzzy socks to keep my feet warm. I smile at the thought of them being so cute. Cute little rabbits on them. I have no idea why I think they are so cute. But they are so don't judge me! I walk back to the bathroom and spit out what was in my mouth. I rinse off my tooth brush and put it back in the cup. I put on my boots and grab my bag and head down stairs.
"Good morning honey." my mom says and pulls me into a hug. I smiled and gave her a warm welcoming 'hello'.
She gives me a concerned look, "Are you gonna eat this morning?"
"Well, no mom..." I say nervously and bow my head down.
"Dammit Violet! Why can't you just eat? Why do you have to put me, your friends, and yourself through this! Why can't you just eat one small thing for me? I don't know what else to do!" a tear falls from her eye.
"Mom... Please... I'm okay. I promise. If it means that much to you, I'll eat some lunch at school." of course I'm lying.
"You promise?" she asks, pulling me in to a hug.
"I promise." of course, lying again.
"Okay let's go." as we walk out to the door and head to the car. As we get in the car, I put my heaphones in and listen to Of Mice & Men. As we pass a bunch of bulidings and people, my thoughts start to bundle up. Why do people care about what I do to myself? I'm independent and don't need no one! Okay... I have no idea why I even just...
-
I walk through the halls ignoring everyone, because I don't want to deal with anyone's bullshit. I head to my lockers to find Edward. Edward has been my best friend since 3rd grade. He is the sweetest thing I have ever met and not mention attractive. Of course we would never happen according to the fact he isn't straight, which is a total bummer.
"Hey Vi! How are you this morning?" he says with a cheerful tone.
"Okay, mother yelled at me this morning and began to cry." I said while opening my locker and getting the things that I need.
"Vi... she cares about you. As well as do I. We want you to be strong and healthy... We love you and hate seeing you this way. I love the way you make me feel, I love it! Wow, sorry totally of subject, Ariana gets me going!" he says laughing.
"Wow Ed, I can always count on you being there for me! But, I promised my mom I would eat today, but we both know that's not happening."
"Vi please do it... for me? I'll tickle you if I have too! You know how those end!" he started to tickle me as I begin to laugh like a complete idiot. He goes until I can't breathe no more, of course people judging and glaring.
"Okay fine! Please stop!" he smiles and stops. He gives me a hug and kisses my forehead and walks me to my class. What a gentlemen. I swear if he wasn't gay, I would be all over him...
As I open the door a red head (obviously dyed) pushes me and walks right in. "Move out of the way." he says and walks to his seat. Why have I never seen him before? Is he new? Or have I not noticed him? I stare at him as I walk to my seat. Of course I sit right next to him. I turn to him "You know, you could've said excuse me and at least could've been nice."
"Oh shut up, go be annoying somewhere else." he glared at me.
"Excuse you? Don't be rude. I have never seen you before, are you even in this class? What the hell are you doing here?" wow, I never talk to anyone or even interact with a person but he is pissing me off.
"I have been in this class for a while. Fuck off."
"I just-" the tearcher walks in and greets the class.
"Okay students, I am assigning you a project. I will assign you a partner and you will pick a topic about anything we have learned this year."
Great. If I get paired up with a lame ass I will literally jump off a cliff.
"Violet, you will be paired up with Michael."
"Um sir, who's Michael?"
"Me." a familiar voice said.
I look over and see who it is. Great. The fucking asshole. Of course this would happen to me.
__________________________
hellloooo. this was not great and i am really sorry!
but today is zayns birthday and iM SCHREEING
is that how you spell schreeching
IDEK BUT THIS STORY GETS BETTER I SWEAR
im sorry if there is typos or anything
YOU ARE READING
skinny love
Fanfictionoh how ana loved to make violet cold and brittle. one day ana will leave violet alone. will someone be there to save her before its too late? (michael clifford fanfic)
