Limbo // Simon "Ghost" Riley x reader

9: lifelines

Days after Ghost had got his own room Y/n's nightmares had gotten worse she would wake up in hot flashes her body sweaty and raging hot tears running from her eyes like the storms that summer. She couldn't get back to sleep afterwards so she would stay awake and sit in her bed until the sun crept it's way over the horizon and she could start her day of running drills for missions or just a casual day of her own routine. But this time She was highly disturbed by the unsettling nightmare; it made her anxious for reasons she couldn't even begin to describe. She was stood in a dark room no light to see but the faint glow of the figure before her, before she could even reach out for them, she felt a sharp pain shoot though her abdomen, she clutched her self slowly pulling her hands away from the pain. They where painted a crimson red, she'd been shot the same place she'd been shot months earlier. She looked up to the shadowy figure to find they where holding a gun and holding it was non other than Simon. The betrayal she felt in that moment was both nothing she'd ever felt before and every bad feeling she'd ever felt. She shot awake in her bed swinging her legs over the cot to walk to the small kitchen connected to the bunks at the end of the hall, as she walked though the door she was surprised to see Simon sat in a chair drinking a hot cup of tea with a plain balaclava pulled up to his nose.

"Couldn't sleep?" He asked.

"No" she responded pouring herself a hot beverage and came and sat next to him.

"Another nightmare?" He asked leaning slightly towards her.

"Yeah, they've been getting worse lately, I can't sleep, every time I close my eyes I'm awake again sweating, my chest hurting and sometimes crying" she said sipping on her drink.

"You're not the only one" he admits this is the second time Ghost had admitted to something like this, she felt the need to ask what he meant.

"You wanna talk about it?" She asked and he looked at her with a gaze that could put out a fire. "You don't have to you always listen to me rant I thought I could return the favour" he huffed before leaning more towards her and started to speak.

"They're mostly about the team. This team is all I have, they are my family, and losing them would kill me. I think that's why my mind plays this cruel trick on me playing their deaths over and over in my dream and the worst part is, it's my fault they die." He just looked at Y/n spilling this onto her like he'd been holding onto all this pain for a lifetime. "I can't bare to loose anymore, it would... I would simply die my heart would explode"

"You have a heart?" She said looking at Simon trying to get him to smile even if it was for a second she couldn't see him this way, hurting.

"A cold one" he softly smiled looking up to her his eyes slightly watery. "Thank you."

"For what?" She asked. Simon took hold of her hand after setting his tea down on the table next to them. Still looking at her, he smiled and said

"For being here"

"I wouldn't have it any other way" she smiled back at him. He huffed and sat back up, letting go of her hand and running his hand over his mask to pull it back down. "Simon?"

"Yeah?" He replied. "What's the matter?"

"Do you think I'll ever see your face?" She asked.

"I trust you (Y/n)" she felt a but coming. "But I'm just not ready"

"Okay" she smiled pulling the rest of his balaclava down his neck as a soft gesture to say she understood, Don't get her wrong she was dying to know what the whole of his face looked like, but denying him his resolve of when he was ready to show her was something she would never break. "You've been through so much Si you can show me when you're ready if it's in 10 minutes or years I'll be here for you, we're a family, and we help each other. You know Price told me you're the one who found me, you refused to stop looking"

"I couldn't loose another one" Simon said.

"Another one?" Y/n asked.

"A friend, Roach, I'm sorry I can't...."

"t's fine, you don't have to talk about it, you saved me Simon, you gave me another shoot at life, that's what matters. I was ready to give up , just let them kill me. Until you and Gaz came Busting through those doors" she smiled at the glee she felt when she saw them that day. "This team was my lifeline during those days"

"Right now Y/n, you are my lifeline. The only thing keeping me afloat from the memory's and bad dreams" He said still holding onto her hand.

"Si-" she was cut off.

"I know what you're gonna say, some cheesy line from a small town romance but I can't sleep, every time I close my eyes the worst moments flash through my mind" he sighed tears falling from his eyes. Seeing her lieutenant brought to tears sent a shockwave though her body like no other, seeing this huge, gruff and almost unemotional man tearing up at a nightmare made Y/n realise something. Not everyone deals with PTSD or Trauma in the same way. For Simon he bottled it up until he finally exploded, although he normally is alone when he does, he was thankful Y/n was there comforting him.
"Don't-" he started to say before citing himself off. "Stay please"

"If that's what you want?" She said.

"Yeah. Just for a while" He still hadn't let go of her hand his thumb running over hers in soft strokes. His eyes cast down not wanting to show his watering eyes to the woman sat next to him. He started to feel anger bubble up in his chest at the fact he let his walls down around her and angry at the fact she could comfort him the way no one else could. He starting to feel like he was in deep trouble, falling for her wasn't something he had planned, he was unprepared for his heart to skip a beat when she placed her other hand on top of his head rubbing the fabric of the balaclava tangling the hair beneath it.

"It's okay you know." She spoke. "It okay to cry once and while, hell I cry at least twice a day" she joked trying to get him to let out a small chuckle at which she succeeded.

"Yeah I know, I just didn't expect it to be in front of you" he looked up at her eyes slight glassy from the now drying tears in his hazel eyes.

"Why does that matter?" She asked generally confused.

"Because you're.... You" he replied pausing for a second. "You've been through so much, sure you've had breakdowns and flashbacks but I've not seen you truly let everything out"

"Somethings aren't worth letting out" she said lowering her hands and head down.

"Hey you don't have to talk, just know I'm here if you need to." He smiled slightly lifting her chin with his finger and thumb. "I'll be your lifeline" he slightly chucked, she laughed softly too and the two sat in the kitchen in silence until the sun started to peak over the horizon and it was time to start the day. They looked at each other and Ghost was the first to stand stretching. "Good morning Y/n" he smiled at her.

Y/n stood and smiled herself "good morning Simon" he felt another skip in his tempo and his gaze softened at the sight of her smiling at him. He was indeed falling for her.