All that you are, is all that I'll ever need

Grief

( a little time jump incoming, the funeral already happened)

Ferit wanted to stay alone for a little while. Seyran decided to give him some space, so she stayed with Gulgun. Gulgun looks broken. Her eyes are red, her whole face swollen, her heart ripped out. It's like living without being alive. How could she be? She just lost her first born child. The one that made her a mother. A part of her soul. Her life. She has a flashback on their last meeting. Fuat" Mom I know you love ferit more than me" gulgun laughed " Thats exactly what ferit told me when he was younger, mom you love Fuat more than me. I can see it. Even tho he was a little boy he understood it" fuat turned arround " What do you mean by that" gulgun smiled while putting a finger in front of her lips "well dont tell him... mothers dont actually have a favorite, but.... You are my first born... you are the one that made me a mom. I maybe... maybeee love you a little bit more. You and your brother are a part of my soul"  then they hugged. Gulgun and seyran were in Fuat's room. Walked towards his closet and grabbed a shirt. She collapsed on the ground and screamed " Aghhh God why this pain? What did I do to deserve this grief? Why did you take away my soul" she screamed. Seyran ran towards her and grabbed her by the arm " Gulgun anne please dont do this" gulgun turned arround and looked at seyran " Kizim... I can't live with this pain. I cant believe I lost my soul, my liver, my everything. This can not be real" she said. Seyran couldn't stop crying and hugged her..... " gulgun anne please dont do this to yourself" she said while crying.

In the meanwhile Ifakat came in. She knew the pain Gulgun lived as no other. She lost her child too. What gulgun is going trough right now is hell. She tried her best to be there for gulgun. " seyran kizim please go and take a look on ferit Ill stay by her side"...
So seyran left the room. She stood hy the door and saw Gulgun crying like that. It broke her heart.  Then she left and run upstairs. Gulgun bad no strength to fight anyone, not even ifakat. No power to argue or think about other things. Ifakat started to cry and came closer to gulgun and hugged her. They both shared the same pain.... Its hard to have people understand you. Only the ones who suffer, will understand the suffering. Only the ones who lost, wont need words to grief... ifakat tried to calm down gulgun, which was very very hard. She knew gulguns life would never be like before, because losing a child, is like losing your soul. When he leaves, he takes your life and soul with him. " I wanna die" gulgun said. But at least Gulgun had another son to live for, she couldn't let ferit alone " please dont say that! Live for your son ferit. He is also your soul. Ferit needs you. Ferit cant lose you too" ifakat said while trying to comfrot gulgun..

She opened the door of their room and saw ferit sitting on the ground against the wall. It looked like he wasn't there with his mind. You could see on his face how broken he was. Eyes swollen, a beard, tears falling down.... She slowly closed the door behind and walked towards him. Seeing him in pain... it was like someone grabbing her heart with a fist and pinching it. " Ferit" she said while hugging him. He didn't hug her back because he want aware of her being there. Ferit's head started to spin. Seyran looked at him "Ferit?"  ... she grabbed his face with her hands " Ferit... ferit look at me.... Ferit.." oh no... she knew he needed insuline. She first put him in a comfortable position and run towards their closet. Then she took the insuline and run toward him. She took off his shirt and gave him the insuline. Seyran slowly took him by his arm and put him on the bed. While laying him down with his head on her brest....

A couple minutes passed and ferit felt better...

Seyran was stroking his head.... Tears still left his face " Seyran..." he said. She looked at him " I can't do this.... How will I live with this pain?" He said. She started to cry " I lost my brother.... A part of my soul... a part of my life. I don't want to live with this pain... Im tired" seyran dried her tears. She couldn't break now. She had to be strong for him! She couldn't imagine losing suna.... But she had to be strong.... For ferit" seyran grabbed his face " Look at me" she said while they both were crying. " You can do this.... You will do this... you have to do this" " I can't live seyran " ... " What do you mean can't live.." she said " I dont want to live with this pain... I wanna die"  seyran stopped him by talking while covering his mouth" Dont you ever say something like that again!" She said. He was looking at her " Never say something like that again... Do you want me to die?" He couldn't talk but she saw in his eyes that he couldn't stand it " Then how can you say these words to me? Ferit you are a part of me. Our souls are made for each other.  Do you think I can live this pain? ferit... " she grabbed his hand " Look I won't let go of this hand" she said while kissing his hand" I wont ever leave you alone do you hear me... I will be there for you. In your harderst days.... Forever. .... Do you think Fuat would want this? Do you think he would want you to say these things?" He nodded no. " Ferit... look I know this is hard for you, we need to get trough this. I will help you. Just dont push me away please. Allow me to be here for you, to stand with you between the hell and the earth. To help you stand on your feet. To be strength for you. I will ALWAYS be here. ALWAYS! Nothing is this world is more important to me than you" she said while stroking his face. Ferit teared up even more and kissed her. With a lot of passion, very hard very deep. No words were needed for seyran to understand how thankful and happy Ferit was to have her in his life.  He wouldn't be able to live this without her. He wouldnt be able to breath without her. She is all he ever wanted and ever needed. " I love you seyran.... So much... more than anyone and anything" he said. Then they were holding each others faces while touching each others head with closed eyes. Ferit laid down on her lap with his head, while seyran was slowly stroking his face and hair..... They didn't need to talk anymore. The only thing that could calm Ferit down was this, nothing more.