Hers To Bear - An SVU fic

33.Starting over

Here we go. Thank you all for reading, it's been a great ride telling this story and I thank you all for supporting me.

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Coroner's office.

They'd arrived at the coroner's office and Elliot was a mess, he hadn't stopped crying since they left the airport and now, being so close to Kathleen's body; it seemed to do him in.

As he and Olivia stepped off the elevator to the ME's suite, his legs froze and he couldn't move. Knowing what was down that hall, knowing that in that room...

"Elliot, it's okay" Olivia spoke softly.

"It's not Liv. I go down that hall and my baby is there. My baby. She didn't do anything to deserve being here, she didn't do..." And he burst into tears. Olivia held him, his tears soaking her jacket. She tried her best not to shed tears again, she needed to be strong for him. She had given him the details; those that they knew in the car and he just grew despondent, getting quiet in the car and not saying a word until they'd arrived here. Now he was a wreck and she had no idea how to console him.

When they finally made it to the room and he saw the body, he completely lost it and Liv broke down too, the scenario was just too much and she lost it, but still she kept her wits and stayed strong, needing help in just getting him to stand up. His pain was so raw, everyone could feel it and by the time they'd gotten back to the car, she needed a minute to gather herself before she could talk to Elliot who sat on the passenger side of the car a complete mess.

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Sixteenth precinct

When they got to the precinct they sat in the car for a long time, Liv trying to talk to Elliot but it pretty much fell on deaf ears at this point. He was a father grieving and nothing could fix it. He thought about this kids, they had been the only things keeping him these days and now he'd lost one. It just wasn't fair.

"When Kathy died three years ago I promised I'd look after them..."

"You have El, and you've done a good job."

"A good job... Kathleen's dead by some punk loser who took advantage of a girl in a bad situation... I haven't even called her brothers and sisters because I can't reach them; Maureen's vacationing in Hawaii with Eli and her husband and Rick and Liz are stationed somewhere... What am I gonna tell them?

After a while they finally pulled up to the precinct and looking around, Elliot felt like he had somehow slipped into a timewarp. He saw some of the officers who had been there from years past and remembered him and suddenly he felt odd because those cops remembered the day he shot Jenna.

"Having memories?" Olivia's voice cut through.

"Yeah."

"Stabler" Fin called as he hugged him. Elliot was more than surprised to see him. The two men had their differences over the years but always had each other's backs and it was evident in this moment. Elliot hugged Fin like he was all he had, like home and Fin embraced Elliot just the same, saying all the things they couldn't articulate with that embrace and both men found themselves in tears.

After they cried and got themselves together, they talked a bit, then suddenly everything was lost. Chad was being brought down to the tombs by two unis and Elliot froze. Olivia thinking that maybe it would be better to talk to the young man another day and Fin wholeheartedly agreeing. Just being around Elliot the last ten minutes he could see that he was in no frame of mind to attempt talking to Chad. This kid was nonchalant and just plain disrespectful, he didn't care about what anyone else thought and that could prove to be a problem.