Hers To Bear - An SVU fic

30.Blindsided

Sixteenth...

"They lawyered up; every single one!" Barba said angrily as he, Nick, Fin and Olivia stood outside the interrogation rooms looking through the two-way mirror at Chad, now dressed in NYPD sweats as he sat with his head down on the table napping while he waited for his attorney as if he hadn't a care in the world.

"And every one of the bastards act like they don't have a care in the world!" Nick seethed.

"And you guys are surprised because...?" Olivia asked, staring into the room at Chad and wanting to tear his head off.

"I told you we shoulda sent his ass to the tombs in that sheet!" Fin grumbled.

"Detective..." Barba said with a disapproving look

"Sorry counselor" Fin apologized, hands up in mock surrender.

"We harm one little hair on any of their over-privileged heads and we're waist deep in lawsuits!" Barba reminded them while Olivia remained quiet, seemingly lost in her own head.

"Liv... you alright?" Nick asked, lightly touching her shoulder

"Yeah I just... I actually have a splitting headache" which wasn't a lie. She'd supposed that it was the stress of today that made her feel so completely crappy and not just the pregnancy...as collected as she'd been trying to appear all morning, she was still in shock over the test and wished that she could have stayed home and had the time to absorb it but at the same time she knew that this was where she needed to be for Amanda.

"Yeah, you don't look so good" Barba agreed

"Guys... I'm fine, it's just a headache" Fin gave her a look reminding her that he'd seen her get sick earlier and it wasn't just a headache. "I just need to get through today then..."

"Liv, I understand that the victim was someone you knew and cared about; if you need to take some time, take the day..." Barba sympathized as Olivia looked away, taking a breath and swallowing the tears she wanted to cry but wouldn't, not here.

"I can do my job" she protested

"Of course you can, I'm not doubting that. It's just... Rollins having been the victim of a horrific rape that was instigated by his guy and now the daughter of your old partner, both of whom you cared about very much was found dead in this same guy's apartment and I know that it's weighing on you. I'm just concerned, that's all."

"And I appreciate it, I do, but I'm fine" she assured them, again pressing her palm to her stomach while taking in a sharp breath to calm her nausea, fighting the urge to throw up again. "I'm gonna call and check on Noelle while we're waiting for this asshole's lawyer to show up."

She walked away, making sure that she was out of sight before running the rest of the way to the bathroom.

"Is she gonna be okay?"Nick asked "I wasn't around so I don't know the deal with her and Stabler and his family.

"Liv and El...like I said, their partnership lasted longer than most marriages and it was just was complicated. Fin explained "Bottom line is, she loved his kids, even helped deliver his youngest but she and Kathleen were close."

... ... ...

In the bathroom after having thrown up, Olivia sat on the floor of the stall weeping silently, her head in her hands. Elliot had come apart when she told him about Kathleen and it broke her heart to hear him breaking down, sobbing over the phone. 12 years of being partners and seeing him through some of his worst moments but nothing could have prepared her for that.

She ran her hands through her hair and wiped her tears before pulling herself up from the floor, her stomach feeling much better. She was about to exit the stall when he phone rang.