Catastrophe and the Cure

Chapter 4

I try to keep myself calm, but ever minute seems to be slowing down and going fast at the same time.

As much as I want it to be over, I know I'm scared shitless for it to come.

It is now 11:52pm, I get a text message from Starr reading "I'm outside, you ready? Brng something comfortable!!!!!!! :)"

I'm nervous as can be, I grab my zebra booties and change to my Rolling Stones baseball shirt. I sneak outside my window, wishing my dog is somewhere far where he cannot sense my sneaking out. I get away with it once again. I meet her next to some apartment complexes next door my home, right on a dead end street. I see her car and I can hear my heart beat faster and faster and faster again.

I get in the car, she looks at me and leans in for a hug.

"Hi love!" she says. "Did your dog bark? Shaq is a smart dog but sometimes he can bark at the wrong times.." She looks at me with a different face expression now, "what's the matter?" she asks. I look at her almost begging not to be hurt by any of my words, and then I say 'Starr, I love you'. She looks at me with a much happier smile and says "I know, I love you too, which is why I'm willing to leave it up to us and not what we 'should' listen to." As much as it kills me, I know I have to do something about all of this, so I blurt out, "NO! Stop this! You and I are not meant to be! Look at us Starr, we are sneaking around, hiding our feelings from everything that looks down on us in a shameful way. I don't want this, so just cut it out!"

I can see that my words have built up tears in her green/hazel eyes. I feel sick to my stomach, yet it feels empty with nothing but a knot in it. I know I must've had controled my anger and frustration, I knew she was sensitive but I can only hold so much. "I'm sorry Starr, I didn't mean to come out this way..." I'm almost pleading now, "Our relationship, though great, is just not working out. We have much love for eachother, I know that, but this is something that is tearing us apart with everyone else, with the whole world actually".

I can feel her almost shivering now. Her eyes glowing with sadness, and I'm just watching her without being able to move a finger. "You are who you are, I am who I am, I don't want to make this more than what it should be, let's let it go for now, and we'll figure it out as it goes along...as...friends ok?"

She looks at me with much bigger and much sad eyes, "But why?" she asks. I sigh as loud as I ever, had and I tell her what I know she doesn't want to hear..."if you love you, you'll just do as I ask".

I open the passengers door open, she grabs my wrist and says "I love you, and I will wait forever if I have to, just remember that, just rememeber". I look at her and give her a warm smile, "I will, thank you", I say.

I can hear her cry and sobb before I turn the corner to get home. As I sneak back inside my house, I make sure no one noticed my dissapearance. All clear. This whole thing with Starr had me drained in emotions.

I layed in bed being extremely thankful that things went better than what I thought would. I thought back of all those memories I once had with Starr. When I first had feelings for her was in science class, as I asked to to hang out and have a few drinks at my place while my parents were out on a trip in Vegas with my family. I asked her if she just wanted to hang out with my friends, they wouldn't mind. She said no but quickly asked me on a date after that. We hit it off. Being in a relationship with Starr was ok, untill we had to hide from my family, making me feel like was a liar. It didn't feel right. After her and I dating for over a year, I felt like it was too much for me to handle. Living a double life just wasn't for me. I was just glad we were finally over. Tomorrow will be a better day...I hope.