STAR - JAYHOON

1

Dreams is what keeps us going

My mom have always said this to me , telling me that I should always keep in my head 1 goal to wake up for in the morning , everything's gonna be fine if you had someting in mind that keeps you going .. Well that was a lie Patricia, I have always had one goal and worked so hard to get it , but it seems like this never is enough! Why? Because I'm talking saying this while lying on my old worn out matrice , facing the ugly ceiling of a cheap rented apartment, that I'm seriously struggling to pay it's rent

I'm Jay, an aspiring actor with a lot of passion ,or at least morning passion , because listening to stray dogs fighting over their meals every night , because I didn't want to go for law school to persue my acting career ,doesn't sound so smart , or right to do . Will it be okay if I give it all up ? , No , not really

I grew up dreaming of being on the big screen , and realized how in love I am with acting after our 1st school play , where I had to cover for my classmate who had sudden stomachache -which I had nothing to do with - , and decided ever since then to become an actor , lights, fame , glam , all the promised goods , I didn't get any of them , maybe some fame because I'm known around as the jobless guy ! Fair enough

I spend my time with my friend Heeseung, who knew powerful people to give me roles in some movies , as a man passing by , but details don't matter do they? His boyfriend Jake did help me get a part time job as a waiter in a restaurant , honestly, great help , So I owe them both my physical well-being

I never thought of giving up on my dream , not even when my dad kicked me out for dropping law school , not even when I had to sleep hungry to afford rent , because my part time job wasn't paying that much, but , and after 7 years of trying , I'm starting to loose hope, what if it's all a lie? What if I wasn't actually that good ? And what if acting isn't for me , maybe it's all negative thoughts that are hitting me up after working on a very busy day in the restaurant, and when the morning sun rises I'll still be the same Jay who waited 7 years to become an actor, and who is ready to wait for more ( I know I will )

............

Who needs to wait till they wake-up to check if their passion is still there, not me ... Yes , I stayed up thinking about that until it was time to go to work , results ? I'm pretty much dying , bad news , today's a big day , a co-worker whispered that some director has booked a table for two , probably he's on a date , or he's meeting an actor to give them the script and discuss it , if that's the case , I'll loose more of my dignity and ask for a side role , if not , I'll just embaress myself, nothing new

The thing is ,I can barely open my eyes , even with 2 cups of coffee I'm still drunk-like , is this gonna stop me ? Yes maybe

The restaurant is already full , I have 4 tables to serve and the place is super crazy , my director is nowhere to be seen , and no familiar face of an actor is here , my eyes are closing and the kitchen is working so slowly I can't even get done with the orders and have a rest while waiting for new costumers . So I'm just walking around like a zombie smiling at everyone and I know that I'll be scolded for that later on

Great news , your man finally got to sneak out of the crowded place and hide in the emergency stairway , god knows my legs wouldn't carry me back home after this , and of course, bad news , someone's here already , and it's super awkward because he's crying

-"Hey .. Are , are you okay ?" I approached him slowly , I don't want him to expload at me because that will make everyone know I'm sneaking out of job , and .. you know .. I'll be kicked out "do you need any help ?"

-"Am I ugly ?" He asked

-"I'm sorry ?" I heard him but what the heck was that question ?

-"Look at me .. Am I ugly ?" He held my arm and looked at me with teary eyes

-"Yeah man you're Handsome, Hot af , 100% would smash " I answered awkwardly, not that he wasn't, or I wouldn't, but , it's weird !

-"Do you think so ?" Eyes sparkling with hope , eyebrows looking for reassurance

-"You seriously have that face and worry if you're good looking ? Dude get your shit together! " I shook his shoulder , shaking some sense into that handsome head

-"Oh really ?" He suddenly stood up , wiped gis tears as if he wasn't just crying " Was it good?" He smiled , fixing his suite "your face says it was"

-"Freaking hell man ! The people I have to deal with .. Are you nuts ?" I glared at him , what's wrong with people ?

-"I needed reassurance " he shrugged his shoulders

-"So you pretended to be crazy crying here ?"

-"I was crying , then you came in , and I needed to do something so .. yeah " his smile grew bigger

-"Sir .. get back to your table " I sighted , already exhausted "I have work to do"

-" Was it believable ? " he waited patiently

-"Yeah , thought you got rejected or something" I roled my eyes "Now sir if I may walk you back to your table "

-"Your face isn't bad either " he looked at me seriously, I raised my eyebrows at him " I wonder what type of expressions can you make too "

-"I hope you remember where your table was , have a good evening sir " I walked back in , hearing him saying "yes I will " . That weirdo just blew out my sneaking resting time

Yes you guessed , I missed the director's table and I can no longer serve him , my boss noticed my absence and I'm barely holding together under his birning eyes , man looks like he wanna kill me , I'm probably getting fired at this very moment , not that I care but really need that money for the rent.

And long live the king , I did, once again predict my fate , I got scolded for looking like a zombie and smiling around scaring people with my dead-like face , and for disappearing in the rush hour , which means , I'm not getting payed for what I worked this month, and .. I'm unemployed, soon to be homeless

Good news , I got kicked out when the director was leaving , naturally I walked to him and introduced myself, asked if he's working on anything and asked to call me if they need extas . Yes , so pitty , but that's how desperate I am , and he was nice enough to take my card and get into his car without any rude words

I can't really tell if he will or not , but I can tell that I will need to call Hee and Jake to find me a new job , and to complain about that weirdo , and my boss , and my whole day , I do feel some sadness creeping in my heart because of all the bad events , but at least I did not get a firm rejection from the director , might be a good beginning for stg