Who will ever know?

Entry #23: To naive?

To naive?
I suppose thats one way to put it. Never think things through? I think about things all the time but apparently just not the things worth thinking about.
They don't bring money, understanding or joy. The thoughts, they simply are.

like I wanted to walk in the pride parade, simply because I could. I thought it through, they had people on a float as well as people on the ground. if i was in the parade on the ground i could do the tricks i learned i could mess around with my poi ( scarf on a string) and look cool. the time frame gave me ample time to get ready between work and the prep time. i had an outfit thought out and makeup and jewelry. i thought out what i would say when people asked me about it, though i dont know why i bother with that last part all the prep in the world but the words are never there when i need them or they wont come out. i thought it through.
but when my mother heard of it she advised against it. She brought up what others would think, we live in a small town so they would know where to find me and be mean. if i wanted to go i could.
she also saw my brother messing around with the poi, without the scarf on asked if i was going to use it in the parade. i said yes it was a poi and it had a scarf it was supposed to go with, she acted odd and asked if i was going to wear a collar and a leash too she was really odd in that moment and i dont really understand what it is she saw in, and it was mildly out of character the odd reaction. i wonder what she saw besides a weighted black ball on the end of a string?

Perhaps i am to naive.

Edit: as it turns out mother was joking about with the leash and collar comment. As for the poi, apparently it reminded her of a BDSM toy used for hitting. The Fuck mother.