Who will ever know?

Entry # 57: I like it when I'm alone.

January 18th 2024

I don't like shopping with other people. I get all stiff making sure I'm being a good host or a good guest. Being considerate of other peoples needs and wants. But thats not the biggest issue I can deal with that. The part I hate is I feel like I'm dragging people around, even though they've probably stated their quite fine with it. Because when I shop I shop the same way I play the legend of zelda. There absolutely is a task list, and I will refer to it. However things will be added and removed, we'll stick a detour in there here and here and we will cross the entire length of city no less then 3 times. Secondly if i'm looking for something specific I won't settle for anything less then exactly what I want, and I probably won't be able to explain why the options avaliable in front of me aren't good enough. But envintually the lack of exactly what I want will wear on me and I will compromise or settle for something diffrent. That which I settle for might be the very thing I said no to a couple stores back,which means we're going back to that store again, or something very similar to something I said no to before in this store. I very much like viewing my options, passing by/ looking over said options several times, before narrowing down options, thinking it over, and coming by later to pick up the one I decided on. It's why I love malls and craft markets, lots of wondering, very easy to go back in forth, passing by time and time again. When I'm by myself I don't feel bad about it because it's just me I don't have to worry about other peoples feelings and wants. But I have to admit as much as shopping by myself is really nice. The drive gets really lonely, sitting by myself is lonely, theres no one to share with and its friggin lonely.

On the same line of thought I didn't like my graduation dress. It was very pretty and was a good colour, Purple with sliver sequins on the back. but I didn't like it, I got rid of it not long after I graduated . For one it didn't truly fit, across the shoulders was to tight. It didn't fully cover my shoulders and I didn't like that. Yeah weird thing about me I don't do dress's and shit if they don't cover my knees and my shoulers. Just overall I don't like off the shoulder type things. but any way, the part I liked the least about it was how we got it. We got it off of ebay. Which really isn't bad because as much as I wanted to go dress shopping like how everyone tells storys about leading up to grad. I am the most expensive child they have ever had, so prices was important and dress shops were like minimum 100$ this dress was like 80$ max. But like I said that I liked the dress, and then she bought it. And I was like what? I thought you were just going to put it in the cart for later. Because thats how I shop, I wasn't expecting the first dress that I said I liked to be the one you bought. Most girls spend weeks picking out dresses, albeit alot of that process happens long before they actually go shopping. We bought my dress in an hour.
Now my mother wonders why I won't give a definitive answer whether I like something or not when we're shopping. If I say yes your gonna buy it  and we'll be done and if I say no we're moving on. And I don't know where the option to save it for later to browse over again is.

One of my besties is hoping to take me fancy dress shopping, because they really like fancy dress shopping and don't want to go alone. I have never been so damn excited for something so girlly. I am so excited to feel so damn pretty.