Looks like i'm collecting the entire alphabet for classes this time around. Its a fucking mircle, there is a singular A in that bitchin report card and no F's hell yeah. We're doing alright me and my plethora of C's. Trying so fucking hard not to be a self fufilling prophacy, positive thoughts and all that jazz. But I really dont want to be here. I had hoped it would be a bit diffrent, everyone said it would be. Collage is so much diffrent then highschool, Your an adult now it won't be the same. I knew it wasn't going to be, But I had hoped it would.
The only thing that got me through highschool was prayers and the mantra of " we are almost done, the end is in sight.". I plowed right through my melting mental state, because I couldn't fail, failure meant extending the prison stay. And ain't no fucking way I was dropping out, dropping out would just mean it would lord over my head until I went back and finished, and I was so close to that finish line.
I joke all the time that I passed math with a 51% overall and the cut off being 50%. but damn did I ever melt when I realised that I had passed, I had made it and I swore I was never going back. Yet here we are. I gave in because maybe, just maybe it would be better. Childhood education, 9 years of taking care of children under my belt, I can manage that. Make the parents happy that I finally have a college something, you know. Here we are seeing that despite what everyone keeps saying, it is not better. I am once again finding myself facing the oncoming melt, bracing for impact readying to fight my way through once agian. I really did not want to be here. By the end of this, all those teachers feedbacks are once again all going to say the same thing.
Wisp! it was such a pleasure having you in class. Though you did struggle with your assignments quite abit. Remeber to take your time, don't rush through things. You're a very bright kid, if only you would apply yourself to your assignments. Put the effort in instead of rushing through things just to be done. ect. ect.
Why did I think I could do this. I knew they didn't understand how hard it was, how relieved I was to have finally made it. I knew. Yet I still choose to try.
I don't want to be here.
I've always looked better in practice, then I ever did on paper.
YOU ARE READING
Who will ever know?
RandomContent Warning: -Swearing - Suicidal tendencies - Complaining - lack of actual content This is not a story, if that's what your looking for then move along. If you've got advice, Great! You are free to comment it and I am free to ignore it.
