Who will ever know?

Entry #26: Arguments that will never be

I suppose since this where I put the thoughts that can't or won't ever make it out any other way, i suppose I could put the arguments in my head here, the words I wish I could say. though the likelihood of the other parties answer/ responses being factual or their likely response is even less then that of these words ever leaving here.
Why not its not like anyone will ever know.

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I have had enough. I know you all mean well but I have had enough of people being "concerned" about wither my faith is still strong. It's my damn middle name! For as long as I been able to make the choice it has been my choice. It hasn't gone anywhere! It's not going to go anywhere, missing church does not mean that I up and decided to up and drop my faith like it was hot because I didn't/ couldn't make it to church regularly. It may surprise you but my faiths a wee bit stronger then that. You act like you know me, news flash you dont. you don't know a damn thing about me or mine.

You wanna know why i'm not at camp, after years of fighting to be there all summer, every summer. Because despite everything, the effort, the time, the money, years of service, years of being patience and steadfast, always holding my tongue, years of ensuring a strong reputation, years of always being there when I was needed. The council judged me unworthy, i'am by any standard over qualified for the work given, and yet I was judged unworthy.
Why? because you all have no faith in my faith. Years, and yet you think so little of me.

Tch! yet they bitch and whine that i'm not there.

"This really isn't like you, is everything okay?"

Not like me? Do you know anything about me? because I am quite sure you don't know a damn thing about me or mine. Go ahead, What. Do you know about me?

"I have been friends with your family since-"

I don't give a damn who your friends with, or how long you've know my family. This isn't about them or anyone else, this is about me. What do you know about me?

"uh- your a vegetarian"

Ooh! So you really do remember that, you know that as a fact. So please do tell me why that any event I have to cross my fingers that there are snacks, Not food mind you because that would require a miracle, that I can eat so I don't starve. Four years I have been vegetarian and not once has an event had actual food that I could eat. The only reason I don't starve to death when i'm working up at camp, is because your working hard to bring healthy meals to the children, and even then its really close somedays. But I have never complained because it wasn't about me, I wasn't there for me, I didn't do it for me.

but you wanna know what? This. This right here is about Me. This is me telling you I have had enough of being patient, of holding my tongue. If I ever hear another person, come at me with "Concerns" that my faith isn't "strong" enough their face will become well acquainted with the ground.

Now leave me be.