Attack on Titan Oneshots

Illusions (Part One) - Levi x Reader

How can you tell if you've fallen in love with someone, but haven't fallen in love before?

He sat there, staring at the blank, unfilled form that was laid out before him on his ebony, dark brown desk. Small piles of white, undocumented papers were all over the placeー desk, wooden chairs, coffee table, half filled bookshelves. The only sound that could be heard in the room was the tapping of his quill, or the birds that flew by the open window that revealed the orange, fiery sky, signaling sundown. His steel, grey eyes slightly drooped with exhaustion and tiredness, yet he showed none of that with his expression and actions. If anything, he carried on with what he had to do, no matter what he was going through.

Although, this time is was different. He didn't have the energy, determination, or drive just to pick up the inked quill beside the paper and fill out that damned form. What was holding him back? Why couldn't he move? It was like if time stopped for himself and everything around him, but the slowly setting sun outside said otherwise.

The millions of things running through his head caused him a headacheー papers, brats he had to deal with, the lack of cleanliness in the castleー but one thing in particular made him want to rip his hair out and scream, yet he didn't move a single muscle.

You.

(Y/n) (L/n)ー the eccentric, bright, and full-of-life type of woman. Always knew what to doー always knew right from wrong. She got along with everyone in the regiment, despite how different their personality was from hers. She stood between Mikasa and Levi himself ー she was the best of the best, never lacked in strength, mobility, academics, and self control (unlike a Titan boy she knew very well). Sometimes Levi debated whether or not he could put up a fight with that woman and her strength.

His heart skipped a beat whenever he saw her, the loud thumping in his chest disguised by his monotone, icy cold expression that made everyone go quiet in the room. His palms got somewhat sweaty whenever she was near him or in his presence, but it quickly imposed by his harsh words, sharp tone, and pinpointed gaze towards another. Everything that went different because of her was quickly hidden and masked by things that were never different about him.

But the thing was,

...he hated the emotion.

The emotion of falling in love. The emotion of love. Love itself. Why did he hate it so much, but was so drawn into it to the point where he feels like he's falling into a deep, dark abyss that makes his head swirl around like spokes on a wheel?

The thought alone almost makes him throw up. A revolting taste comes upon his taste budsー like milk that was now spoiled, but was never used in the first place. If he knew beforehand that he would fall in love in the future, he would have done his best to keep that human away from him, as far and as much as possible. But like in a normal world, telling the future was impossible, and of course this unexplained emotion came upon him rather quickly that he would have thought, and unexpectedly.

Headaches, nausea, and that revolting taste always appeared whenever he thought about the idea of love, but not necessarily you. You yourself was completely fine, rather astonishing. But the fact that the relationship between you and him was, "one is crushing on the other", made that particular person want to throw up and shun themselves away from the world. Well, in a world like this, wouldn't everyone want to?

All Levi could do was sigh, and attempt to move his calloused hand that felt frozen from the lack of movement, but to no avail. There was no drive, no determinationー it was as if all he could do by now was give up.

Give up. One thing (y/n) would and could never do. She was always determined, fired up, locked and loadedー she was always ready for what life threw at her in the face.

(Y/n)...

That same head-pounding, upset stomach, and un-delectable taste came back to him, making his body slump back in his uncomfortable wooden chair. He scrunched his eyes closed, praying that all this "pain" would eventually go away, but to no avail. Another thing in this world was that you couldn't wish away the bad things in lifeー if it happened, you dealt with it. That goes for everything that happens in this world, and it applies perfectly to his current situation.

He finally groaned in pain, accepting that he did indeed need help, but he couldn't just go out the door and yell down the corridor, "I need help with my fucking emotions." So he simply just sat there, awaiting for the ongoing feelings to just wither away like a rose that had been tossed out into the road.

He opened back his eyes, his steel orbs resting on the beige ceiling above him. He stared at the blank wall, now wondering to himself if you were possibly going through the same thing as himー

What? (Y/n) doesn't love me back... wait, do I even love (y/n) in the first place? Tch, I don't even fucking know anymore.

All of a suddenー due to his somewhat hard concentration on the blank wall above himー a somewhat large silhouette of your face began to appear. It started out black, as if the making of a minimalism began, then blossomed into outlines of the details, curves, and lines of your face, and then your whole, fully clothed body. Your (h/l) hair, your perfectly shaped lips that curved at the ends to form a genuine smile, your normal soldier clothing, your beautiful black and white eyes that were still stunning, even without color... it was as if the image was a perfect explanation for his current state right now.

Your smile was what taken him back the mostー how you showed your pristine, white teeth, despite the fact that pigments weren't added to the image. He could see your beautiful, curled eyelashes when you blinked slowly, as if you were trying to seduce him.

Levi gasped to himself before regaining consciousness as he sat up in his chair. He began to breathe rapidly, almost in sync with his heart beat rate. He gripped both armrests of his chair tightly, as if awaiting impact from a source unknown to himself . He looked down at the floor, his eyes scanning the wooden planks as if he was trying to look for something that was never there in the first place. Fear and confusion ran through his mind, making himself forget and lose the effects of his love-driven sickness and taste.. No, he wasn't thinking about love nowー all he could think is:

What the fuck?

Is it me, or did I just see an image of (y/n) on the ceiling? Please tell me I'm not hallucinating or seeing things...

He cautiously looked back up, his steel orbs slowly raising to the ceiling where he saw the silhouette of your face and body. When he did, all he could see was the normal, beige colored ceilingー no images, no outlines, no details

...no you.

It's just meー the lack of sleep is probably getting to me. Maybe I should skip out on paperwork tonight, those forms for Erwin could wait another day.

Ugh, fucking eyebrows.

After evaluating himself by sitting in that damned chair for a good silenced 5 minutes, Levi finally took a great, deep sigh, and grab what little courage and determination he had to stand up. He looked down at his deskー messy, but not that messy to the point where papers were in the wrong piles and such. He made sure that the papers were in correct orderー oldest to newest, least important to greatest importance, and for those that were completed, it was piled by who it was given to/given by.

He gave the last few adjustments to his workspace, tidying up the piles of papers and putting his quill back in the ink pot, and pushed in his chair to head off to his bedroom, which was conjoined with his office. He too off his uniform and began dressing into his sleepwearー a white, long sleeved shirt with gray sweat pants that reached just below his ankles. After brushing his teeth and washing his face in the bathroom, he stood there in front of the mirror, hoping that tomorrow wouldn't follow the same events that happened tonight. Sighing, he exited the bathroom and headed off to bed, the once burning sun was now replace by an illuminating crescent moon that hung high in the night sky, its yellow- tinged white skin foreshadowing a somewhat mocking grin at the captain as he drifted off into a deep, slowly setting slumber.

He hoped that maybe, just maybe, all of this emotions and feelings were just temporaryー that maybe they didn't even exist, that it's all in his head.

He hoped that in the end, maybe you were just an illusion all along.