Again?

9

My facial expression remained stern as I looked at the screen before me. I was blinded by the light streaming from my laptop screen, yet I continued to focus on the message that had absolutely ruined my life.

OFFICIAL RESULTS
FAIL

Fail.

Is that what I really get? Fail? 

I quickly shut down my laptop and tossed it beside me as I lay down on my bed. I flopped back and forth, letting out a worn-out sigh. Even though I was aware of what would happen with the results, I still held out some hope that God would likely have pity on me and allow me to pass.

I was being delusional.

"(Y/N), you can try again. Your future won't be based on your test results." I could hear my mother's voice. Despite how much I would like to believe her, I cannot be employed by any healthcare organization without a license.

I am so pissed.

"I want to just take out a gun and shoot myself, I swear."

I plopped my hand down on my forehead, avoiding my phone as it repeatedly vibrated on the side table beside my bed.

Probably the people I call 'classmates'.

I climbed out of bed and grabbed the grey zip-up hoodie that was on the chair. I quickly leave my room after putting it over myself.

^^^

The only sound piercing the darkness of the night as I went along the calm, dimly lit alley was the faint crunch of gravel beneath my slippers and the night hung heavy with the acrid scent of cigarettes. 

I am thinking about what my other options can be.

I brought the cigarette to my lips, inhaling deeply and letting the nicotine calm my racing thoughts. Each exhale was a release, a way to momentarily escape the weight of reality. The glowing ember at the tip of the cigarette cast a dim glow on my face.

I don't smoke a lot. Just smoking makes me feel more at ease. When I am overly worried or anxious, I do it. Of course, I have to do it at a place where no one goes very often.

I leaned against a brick wall covered in graffiti. I still have a few to go.

Life used to be good.

I smiled to myself, feeling like an idiot.

But my solitude was soon interrupted when a shadow hung over from the end of the alley. My gaze was drawn to the man standing at the alley's exit. A very big man.  

"Sorry to disturb your peace, Miss," the man said, his voice deep and gravelly as he approached me. "Mind if I bum a smoke?"

I hesitated, my gaze was drawn to the man's striking appearance. Yeah, I don't judge people by their appearance.

Maybe, I do.

I've previously handed strangers cigarettes when they requested, so this isn't my first time. But I hesitated since no one older than me had ever asked for it. And he looks old. In a good way. He gives old vibes but looks young. If that makes sense. 

I unwillingly reached for my pack of smokes and held up the open packet to him. I gave him my lighter as well. With a grateful nod, he took the lighter and took just one to light the cigarette with ease.

I can now see the finer details of his face thanks to the lighter's brightness. His lips were scarred, giving him a gruff appearance, and for no apparent reason, it was making him look attractive.

"Thanks," he said, exhaling a plume of smoke. "I appreciate it, Miss."

With a curt nod, he turned and began to walk away, disappearing into the shadows once more.