RETROUVAILLES - POETRY

61 - sayang

i have been wanting to write this for a while now, though, then i haven't found the right words to actually convey what i feel.

i still don't think i have found the right words,
to say what i want to say.

i found my person.
i love you, with every ounce of my being.
you mean the whole universe to me.
it terrifies me knowing that there's a chance,
that everything we both work on,
might not work.

what if one day it feels like my problems are too much to bear?
what if my words, my presence, doesn't comfort you any longer?
what if my eyes doesn't shine and burn brightly like the stars in your eyes?
what if somewhere, deep down in your heart, you grieve upon your choices of choosing me?
what if your heart is filled with annoyance instead of love when you see me?

all these thoughts, circling my mind like a vulture that haven't eaten in weeks.
scouring the dessert, looking for corpses to feast in.
starved and exhausted.

everyday, you never failed to reassure me that you will be around forever.
what if you change your mind?
the mind changes to cater to your heart's desires.

what if one day your heart doesn't choose me as it's home?
the home that i built,
that i shaped, sculpted, tailored, to fit you?

what if my heart,
decides that we would be happier apart?
i am scared.
i am terrified.
losing you might mean i am going to lose myself, again.
and i do not wish that.
i would never wish that.

the heart dreads.
it aches.
it feels heavy.