RETROUVAILLES - POETRY

63 - too much

i never known how much trauma my body carried until i realised i stared at my ceiling from sun rise to sun down.

oh,
Oh.

i'm sorry.
how rude of me to bleed all over your shirt, dirtying the knife that you have in your hands.

my appetite for living rest solely on waiting.

for the new series from a show i really liked, for my friends to text me, for my mom to call me down for dinner, for my favourite character to kiss, for my dad to one day finally say he is sorry, for the rain to stop pouring so hard on my roof, for the warmth of the sun to touch my face, for the next chapter of an online book i'm reading, for old friends, for new friends, for the next kiss, for a cat to nuzzle it's head on my palm, for a chat,

i am alive in waiting,
best to make myself comfortable then.

i was asked, "why do you love and trust the wrong people?"

short answer, i'm a fool.

but the truth is, i am so full of love, too big of a heart, born out of kindness and affection even if all i get in return is a knife in my throat. nothing frightens me anymore, i know people leave. but me? i still love.

love love love,
love love love love love,
i give out warmth until it explodes like a dazzling supernova comet.
doesn't matter if i sense a collision,
i still love.
what is more greater than that?
but still,
i'm a fool.
i can't change that,
the one thing i wish to out grow the most.