RETROUVAILLES - POETRY

47 - july 15

my thoughts kept wandering back to,
dated, 15th of july, year 2020,
time, 10:05 am,
you said, "maam you have everything i'm looking for"
it's funny to me still,
at that exact moment,
i didn't know how much of an impact,
you'll have in my life.
before moving else where,
we shared highlights of ourselves and,
i told you how much you reminded me of a bear,
after reading a short description of yourself.
and you are not just any bear,
you reminded me of a bear who waits around,
in an abandoned light house,
near the sea.
the day you discovered the light house
was the day you came to warm yourself up there,
after a long walk out of the forest,
and decided to stay there.
every night you would turn on the light for
the lost people to come back.
eventhough, they have countlessly told you,
"no one will come back",
but that never burned out the spirit inside you.
you, the bear, still waited patiently.
i said, "this is such a weird analogy".

i have always found fascination in the
weirdest or oddest things,
for instance, the smell of musk, tiny planets,
crooked and weird looking trees.

even so,
i don't think this feeling is love though,
it's probally an extreme fondness i have of your existence.

my thoughts too wandered back,
to the first day we talked on the phone.
you know,
the one that we both fell asleep on call,
and it lasted for 9 hours?
yeah, that one.
i got to hear how your morning and sleepy,
voice sounds like.
i slept soundly and feeling content hearing your
soft breaths.
it is as if,
you are there sleeping beside me.
you have no idea how warm and safe that made me feel.
i haven't felt like that in years.
i was happy,
really happy.
i really thought the feeling would last forever too.

but hoping forever knowing that i know,
what we shared will also pass too,
is foolish on my half.

but i never regret reading my email that day,
downloading back that app just to talk to you.
it was a temporary gift for me.
and i promise to cherish it.
for however long it lasted.
thank you for being the brightest light,
for such a brief moment.

i hope she will treat you better than i ever will.
i did and have tried my best,
i have given you what i possibly could,
to show how much you meant to me.
i hope it was enough.
i hope you would willing to still remember about me.

again, さようなら.
i will see you when i see you.