The Phoenix and the Crow

Stay. Stay in Ketterdam.

Nikolai leaned heavily on Toyla while Tamar walked on his other side, both siblings leading him to a place to sit. The crows followed silently behind the group of three, watching the other soldiers carry their dead.
"Long may the night carry our souls until the dawn renews us." Toyla said as he helped the young king sit on a wooden crate.
"Rabinov. Canto Seventeen." Kaz spoke, leaning forward on his cane.
Toyla smiled, "Seems we both share an appreciation for life's beauty."
Nikolai let out a soft groan when he put some of his weight on his wounded shoulder. Tamar placed her hand on his back, "Are you okay?"
"A moment of sun before we deal with our losses."  The blonde stared blankly in front of him. "Dominik..." He cut himself off as he felt emotions rising in his throat at the thought of the loss of his best friend.
"He did exactly what any of us would have done for each other. For you." Tamar's voice held nothing but conviction as she spoke.
The group's attention was taken away from each other when they noticed five people walking into their camp. Alina lead the group while Mal followed behind everyone. Nina stopped at the line of dead soldiers and stood in her place with a distant look in her eyes. Y/N froze in her steps a few paces before the heartrender, lost in her own mind as she observed the people around her. Kaz stared at her with a flash of concern in his piercing eyes. Nikolai watched the small, nearly unnoticeable interaction with slight interest before he saw Inej hand the blade to Alina.
Alina ran off to find Mal and before Inej walked over to the other crows she turned to Y/N. She held her hand out to call her over causing the inferni to smile softly to herself. She followed the suli girl a few paces behind her finally looking over the rest of their crew. Kaz watched her intently, waiting for her to make eye contact finally and when she did neither was brave enough to break it. A strong sense of longing filled Y/N's chest but she held her ground, only nodding at the man before going over to Nikolai and the twins.
"And Kirigan?" Nikolai asked.
"Dead." Y/N's voice was cold and emotionless as she avoided looking into their eyes. "Zoya is protecting the body. Alina wants it burned."
A wave of unspoken relief washed over the trio seated before her.
The young king rose to his feet and faced the crows. "Thank you. My country might have been sunk if you hadn't arrived." His lips formed a faint smirk, "Again."
"We'll settle those thanks in gold."
Y/N's eyes only lifted from the ground in front of her at the sound of Kaz's gravelly voice.
Tamar and Toyla helped Nikolai limp away with Nadia and her brother following the trio.
"He's right, you know. We do have our adventures. We should hire a writer to jot down our story." As Jesper spoke, Wylan moved to stand next to Kaz while Y/N stayed seated on the wooden crates.
"What will we call it?" The zemini continued. "The four charming rouges of Ketterdam. Yes." He smiled to himself with pride.
"There's six of us." Kaz said quietly as he glanced between Nina and Y/N."
Jesper snapped his fingers, "Right. Six of cro-"
~
Y/N stood with Nina and the horse's stroking their manes while leaning her head against one of their necks. She heard the muffled sound of Kaz's cane coming towards them and she swiftly moved behind the horses so she wouldn't have to see him directly.
"You might be a Saint now." Kaz said to Nina. "Bringing someone back from the dead."
"I wish I could take credit. Wasn't me. She's the real Saint." They both turned to look at Alina talking with Nikolai.
"Once the world stops looking at her with gratitude, they'll start to wonder if she's outstayed her welcome. That'll be dangerous." Kaz's words caused Y/N's mind to run wild with uncontrollable thoughts. How were the people to react once they saw her for what she truly was? Where was she supposed to stay if she had to ture home? Her whole existence's purpose was to protect grisha, at least that's what Kirigan told her. She was to be a shield for those too weak to make their own. She was trained to willingly sacrifice herself over and over again. She didn't know a life without that mentality.
"She may be the first person I've met who is both of the two most dangerous types in this world." Nina's voice shook her from her thoughts.
"And which two are those?" Kaz asked.
"Those defending their happily ever after. And those who don't know how to find their way to one." The heartrender spoke while watching him expectantly.
"Sounds like someone else I know." He diverted.
"I can't make peace with this place. I'm not giving up on my happily ever after." Nina shook her head, "I'll claw my way to one. If he'll let me."
Kaz's eyes moved past Nina to the pair of boots standing behind one of the horses before looking back at the girl in front of him. "Let me help you."
Y/N smiled softly to herself at the sound of determination in his voice. Proud of the small bit of care for his friends breaking through his walls.
~
The heat was scorching as they all stood around Kirigan's body that laid on a bed of firewood. Y/N extended her hand from where she stood and lit the two torches where they laid in their basket. She stood next to Zoya with Genya and Alina next to them. The crows stood behind the girls while Nikolai and his soldiers stood on the stone steps in front of everyone.
Kaz stood directly behind the inferni, everything in his being screamed to place a hand of comfort on her shoulder but he knew he couldn't. Instead he was left to watch in affliction as her shoulders visibly tensed beneath her uniform, her hands clenched and unclenched at the sight of the Darkling's body before her. The man who caused her mental and emotional pain for years before she was able to escape. Before Kaz was able to do everything in his power to keep her safe and out of harm's way the best he could.
"You go." Alina spoke to Zoya and Genya. "You both have every right."
Zoya lit the bed of firewood first, her eyes never leaving the Darkling's pale face as she tossed the torch next to his feet. Genya then walked forward and lit the wood next to his head, making sure the fire caught before turning and handing the torch to Alina.
"No grave. Nothing left." Alina spoke as she stood before the body. "Goodbye, Aleksander." She threw the torch onto him and walked back to stand beside Genya.
Y/N moved her hands subtly twirled her fingers to spread the fire over the bed of wood while Nikolai walked down the steps.
"Today is a new beginning." The young king started his speech. "For all of Ravka. Hell, for our whole world. It's a bit daunting, isn't it? Knowing where to go from here." He looked at the four girls at the front of the group, Alina and Genya holding hands while Y/N and Zoya stood beside each other like soldiers. "We've had a singular focus for so long. So much blood has been shed. After hundreds of years separated by the Fold, we can celebrate a unified Ravka. Our neighbors to the North will see us united and will aim to strike. But often it's not the battle that takes the most from us. It's the aftermath. The chance to put the pieces of our lives back together." He focused his attention on Y/N, the girl holding eye contact with him. "When a Phoenix rises for the ashes, it is not the same. But in that rebirth, is potential. Potential for a new purpose."
Y/N turned her head down to stare at her sandy boots. Hyperawear of Kaz's lingering eyes on the back of her head.
"Thanks for what Alina has done for us," Nikolai continued. "We all have a chance to better the world now that the Fold is gone. Above all, you must trust. Trust in each other. In yourselves. Trust in the fact that this is the start of better days to come. And it won't be easy, of course. Nothing is." He looked around the group of soldiers and thieves. "I had hoped to end that on a more uplifting note, but here we are."
The crows all walked away, glancing back at Y/N every-so-often as she stood with her eyes glazed over while she stared at the charred body of General Kirigan.
Alina wrapped her arm around Genya and looked to the other two girls silently asking them to come closer. Zoya stepped first and reached her hand out to Y/N, drawing her into her side. Nikolai watched the four girls with an ache in his chest but a slight smile on his lips before he too followed the rest of the group. Leaving them there to have their final moments alone.
~
Y/N sat with her hand's clasped in front of her on her knees. Her eyes were closed as her lips moved in a silent prayer. She prayed for her country and the road ahead of them they'd have to pave. She prayed for her old friends and new found friends. For them to find peace and happiness in every step forward from now on.
The last of her prayers fell from her lips when she heard soft footsteps down the hall followed by the unmistakeable clicking of her favorite cane. She closed her eyes and bit back her smile when she felt him walk into the small chapel room.
"Lantsov paid up." Kaz said. "Everyone will get their cut."
"I didn't do this for the money, Brekker." Y/N replied, her eyes still focused on the stained glass portrait of Alina. She sighed when he didn't say anything. "And Nina?"
"She'll receive a pardon for deserting and another for her Fjerdan." The inferni looked back at him, his eyes not meeting her as he updated her. "As long as he stays out of trouble, the charges will be dropped."
She nodded and faced forward once again, opening her mouth to say something then quickly decided against it and bit her tongue.
"I also..." Kaz cleared his throat. "Wanted to say goodbye."
Y/N felt her eyes glaze over as she turned to look at him, "I didn't think you were the sentimental type." Her smile faded when he didn't say anything, his eyes avoiding her at all costs. "Who said I wasn't going back to Ketterdam? I have to say... That city has grown on me."
"Ravka is your home. You and I both know that you need to stay. Your country still needs you, Y/L/N. They'll need someone to help lead, not a king, not a sun Saint. They'll need a strong soldier."
Y/N turned away from him quickly, blinking back her tears. That was the last thing she hoped to hear. How she still had to keep fighting for her country, for the people who hadn't done much for her in return. She couldn't go back with the people who had shown her true kindness. Not yet anyway.
She swallowed hard before speaking, "I know this won't mean much to you... but I pray for him. For the person who you once were. And you."
"I don't want your prayers."
"What do you want then?"
Kaz stared at her as she looked down at her hand and twisted her fingers together. And all at once, that familiar sense of longing settled in his stomach. What did he want? For her to let go of her morals and values just to come back to Ketterdam with him? For her to be one of his crows or something more? To be able to see her everyday in the normalcy of the Barrel. To have everyday conversations with her. To get to know her better than anyone has ever tried. For her to trust him just as he felt he could trust her. What did he want? Her.
"To die, buried under the weight of my own gold." His mind screamed at him for lying. For lying to her of all people.
Y/N chuckled humorlessly, "More money. More scores to settle." With a deep breath she rose to her feet and walked closer to him. Her actions startled him for a split second. "Was there never another dream?" His lack of response caused her to nod and start walking past him.
The sudden urge to reach out for her washed over Kaz so strongly he finally gave in. His gloved hand clasped around her wrist. "Stay."
She froze at the feeling of the leather on her skin, the air leaving her lungs in a gasp.
"Stay in Ketterdam." He choked out the words. "Stay with..." He couldn't finish  his thought as she turned around to face him.
She smiled softly as she looked at their hands "What would be the point?" She moved her hands to hold his one in both of hers. "We both don't know what we're getting ourselves into yet, and that's okay. You're not ready and... I might not be either." She let out a sigh. "You have a kingdom of your own back in Ketterdam to run and I have a country to help run. We... We have jobs to do, you said so yourself. But-" She finally brought her eyes up to his and licked her lips in thought as her mind ran over her next words. "But if you're also willing and the Saints above see it fit... I'll wait. For you. I'll be here waiting for you whenever you're ready. I will have you, Kaz Brekker, when you're ready. That's my promise to you." She smiled one last time up at him before letting go of his hand and walking out of the chapel room.
Kaz continued to stare where she once stood and gave in to the slight quirk of his lips. When he's ready. That was something he could live with.