critical scars on beautiful veins // tyler joseph

five

|| song for the chapter: can't save myself - as it is ||

"i'm the boy who chose not to grow up and now i'm unprepared for anything. now i'm scared and i'm cold and alone because the world grew up without me."

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[ tyler's p.o.v. ]

here i was, sat on a couch. there she was, sat on the same couch. i could hear her breathing, could she hear mine? confused was one way to describe how i was feeling. there were lots of things going on. i didn't understand more than half of them. does she like me? i like her.

"tyler?" she asked. i looked up and was met with her gaze. i didn't know what to say.

"earth to tyler." she said as she snapped her fingers in front of my face.

"sorry, madelyn. guess i blanked out for a second." i told her.

"it's okay. i can't blame you. i'm a pretty great kisser, or at least that's what people tell me." madelyn said. i'm pretty sure she was joking. not because she wasn't a good kisser, she was an amazing kisser. she's just more humble and not as self centered from what i've seen, she actually comes off as pretty insecure.

"so that actually happened? i didn't fall asleep and dream it?" i asked. i was certain it was real, you can't dream that feeling.

"yes, tyler. we kissed. no big deal. people kiss all the time." madelyn said. she was right, why was this so big for me? i've never felt this before. i've never felt such a spark between two people, and i've had my fair share of kisses.

"i thought you hated me." i pointed out, she did slap me earlier.

"no tyler, we've been through this. i do not hate you, i just don't love you," madelyn paused for a second, "yet."

"i appreciate it." i told her.

"so movie and pizza?" madelyn asked. i quickly opened netflix and let her pick out a movie. she picked children of the corn, madelyn claims to love anything by stephen king. i don't really like horror, but i'll deal with it for her. i picked up the phone and ordered one large pizza for us to share. i would've gotten a pepperoni pizza, but madelyn is a vegetarian and apparently she hates toppings, i didn't have enough money to buy two pizzas. she offered to pay but i refused to let her. i wanted this to be her night and i wanted everything to go according to her. i just wanted to impress her.

when we were half way into the movie i stopped paying attention. i focused on madelyn, she hadn't noticed that i was staring at her. she just seemed so into the movie even though she said she's seen it several times. the movie wasn't that scary, it was just that the plot was really creepy. it was actually pretty interesting, but madelyn was too distracting. she was sitting next to me. i so desperately just wanted to wrap my arms around her and have her snuggle against my chest. there was nothing stopping me but myself, was it really worth a shot? i didn't have the guts.

"what time is it?" madelyn asked without taking her eyes off my laptop.

"seven-ish" i told her. it was actually exactly seven thirteen but i was too lazy to say it all out loud.

"the movie is ending." she said. she finally looked at me, "were you staring?" she asked. i felt my cheeks heat up,

"you're just so god damn cute."

"thanks, bud..." madelyn said as she playfully hit my chest. i looked at her in disbelief.

"is calling me bud your attempt to friend zone me? didn't you have your lips all over mine just a few hours ago? and you're wearing my clothes and you're sleeping at my dorm."

"don't make this awkward." she said bluntly. it was already awkward, it's been awkward and it will continue to be awkward.

"i already confessed my feelings for you. its already been done." i informed her, "so you don't feel the same way?" i asked, sounding slightly hurt.

"i don't know." madelyn told me. i so
badly wanted her to know. no, i needed her to know.

"when will you know?" i asked. she shrugged, "well that's no fair." i continued to say.

"i feel like i don't know you enough yet." madelyn said.

"bullshit, you know enough about me. what's the real reason?" i asked.

"i'm afraid to get hur-" she started to say before the conversation got cut off when someone barged through the door.

"hey tyl- madelyn?" josh asked. i looked over at her and mouthed the word sorry. she seemed beyond pissed off.

"hey josh, it's been awhile." madelyn angrily replied back to him.

"whatcha doin' on a couch with tyler..in his clothes. guy's a total loser, anyways." josh spat at her.

"jealous? you're the one that cheated on me. your fucking loss." i just stared and watched as the two fought at each other. i wanted to defend madelyn but i was terrified of making things weird between me and josh.

"no one could actually like tyler. kids got zero friends." josh said. that hurt, it burned. it stung, like a blade.

"i like tyler." madelyn replied. that made me smile. who cares about what josh says? i didn't need him anyways.

"funny." josh replied. except, he wasn't laughing and neither was madelyn and neither was i.

without breaking her eye content with josh, madelyn inched closer to me and snuggled up onto my chest. i couldn't have been more grateful. she kissed my cheek and then smiled, seeming proud of herself for proving that she actually likes me.

"gross, fuck off." josh grunted. madelyn continued to cuddle me. josh stormed out of the room, his hands in a fist.

"sorry." i mumbled. she didn't get off of me.

"don't be. i like this." madelyn told me.

"does this mean... you know?" i asked her. my hopes were pretty high.

"yes. i like you too, tyler."