critical scars on beautiful veins // tyler joseph

seventeen

song for the chapter: i hope you're missing me - moose blood

"remember when you said you'd stay? but then you left in january."

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have you ever been betrayed? do you know how horrible the feeling of having everything you thought now be a lie? you can try to convince yourself that it's not true, but in the end you never believe yourself. being honest here, madelyn did have a perfectly good reason to want to cheat on me with josh. he was everything i wasn't. the crushing reality of it all stung like a blade.

it hurt, i can't fathom how much it hurts. it's indescribable, there's not any words in the English dictionary that could help me put my feelings into words. i wanted to scream and cry until my vocal chords broke and my test ducts became dry.

i punched a mirror, the glass jabbed into my fists and my hand started spewing out blood and for a second i almost forgot about madelyn, but the second i looked up into the shattered glass and saw two hollow eyes staring back at me i could never forget what was going on inside my mind.

she cheated on me. i don't care how many times i have to say it. it still doesn't even feel real. what do i do now? do we have to break up? is it wrong that i still love madelyn, she's done so much for me and means the world to me...

i don't know what to do.

i picked the shards of glass out of my hands and tried to clean the rest of my mess up. i did a crappy job of bandaging my fist, but then i was out the door. instead of calling for a can i decided to just walk to madelyn's apartment. the walk wasn't horribly long and i needed the time to think. i had no idea on what i planned on saying but i needed to see her to confront her.

i looked down at the ground and just thought. i thought about madelyn, my beautiful possible ex girlfriend who i'm still in love with, and i thought about josh, the douche bag that stole the only thing in life that could make me truly happy, and i thought about myself, how fucked up everything was for me and how i didn't know how any of this would end for me.

when i arrived to madelyn's apartment building, i just stood in the lobby for a few minutes. i'm was contemplating if this was even worth it. i had no plan and maybe she didn't even want to see that, well she probably defiantly didn't want to see me. why should i bother?

but, i did bother. i sent her a message to tell her that i was here and wanted to see her. she told me to come right in, which i did.

i regretted my decision as i walked through her door and saw her still swollen face. madelyn weakly smiled at me,

"tyler! still can't believe you're actually finally home, i missed you so much." she told me as she hugged me. i hugged madelyn back, she doesn't think i know anything and i'm gunna let her keep thinking that.

"yeah..." i mumbled as i took a seat in a chair.

"something wrong? you're usually more excited to see me. last night you could barely keep your face off mine." madelyn asked.

"oh no, i'm fine! just a little tired, that's all." that wasn't a complete lie, i didn't sleep much last night. i was too busy thinking about my roommate and my girlfriend fucking in my own dorm room.

"oh okay." madelyn replied. i could feel things getting awkward.

"so, what did you do while i was gone to pass time and stuff? i'm sure you must've really missed me and all." i asked her, anticipating the lie that was yet to come.

"honestly tyler, i didn't do much. i was a wreck without you. i'm just really glad that you're back now. i was so happy when you called me last night, even if it was like three in the morning." madelyn told me. i didn't believe any of it.

"oh really? i didn't do much in the hospital either. the thing had a complete trash system, i mean look! i escaped and no one is looking for me. they didn't even try to help me, but i guess that i didn't really need help anyways. in general i just hated it a lot and i'm so thankful to have mark who got me out."

"mark?" madelyn asked me.

"he's someone i met in the hospital, he's really similar to me. he was also really nice and had been there for awhile so he knew all the tricks and stuff." i told her. she slowly nodded her head.

"a-anyways, what happened to your eye again?"

"oh," she started, "well i already told you that i banged my head on a door."

"no you didn't." i bluntly replied.

"what?" madelyn asked.

"you told me that you fell down the stairs." i informed her, catching her in her spiral of lies.

"why'd you ask if you already knew the answer then?"

"that's not what's important right now, what's important is that you're lying to me." i spat at her, getting all defensive.

"i can explain!" madelyn shot back in defense.

i rolled my eyes, "oh yeah? then do it."

"i cant tell you... but i promise that it's really nothing that you need to worry about. please, don't you trust me?" madelyn pleaded. her eyes looked up at me, and for a second there it looked like she was telling the truth, but then i remembered what had driven me to come here in the first place.

"no, madelyn, i don't trust you. why would i trust you when my roommate josh dun is going on and on and on about how you two hooked up when i was in the hospital!?" i told her.

madelyn's facial expression instantly became confused.

"what? that's ridiculous! i hate josh just as much as you do, tyler. i didn't want to tell you what actually happened because i wanted to protect you from him. i went to visit him when you were gone because i needed to know what had happened to you in more detail, he tried to hookup with me but when i said no he pushed me against the wall. i still refused, and then josh hit me."

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a/n: updating on my birthday bc why not ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ anyways i hope you all have a good new year!! btw i didn't proof read bc it's two am and i'm insanely lazy.