In The Moment- Everlark

Chapter 1: crashing down

It's been exactly a month since it happened. It's now mid May. The leaves are just beginnig to change colour. I remember thinking about this day. And now it's finally here, and I'm not ready for it. Just the thought is making me miserable.

Finnick is here. He was so understanding and came as soon as he heard. I think he was the first person to come and see me in hospital. He also doesn't want to admit it but he's going through so much.

He's trying to stay strong, I can't tell. But I know how he really feels. I can see it.

We are going to my families funeral. I lost them all in the car crash.
My mum.
My dad.
And my sister who was too young.

And I'm moving to Finnicks house now. I can't live on my own in this house. Which means I have to move to his school as well.
I tell myself I shouldn't but I have to move. It's too painful to stay.

And right now I'm sitting on the grass outside my house in district 12. Can't even think about going inside.

The doctors have told me I have suffered from some memory loss. I can't remember most people and places. Maybe I don't want to remember. But at the same time Finnick is pushing to remember.

All my other relatives say I'm lucky to survive something like that. But I'm not lucky. In fact I'm the opposite. I saw the whole crash. The way the lorry didn't stop and collided with our car. The way my little sister, prim, was screaming. Along with my Mum and dad holding onto each other tightly, as if they were afraid to let go.

Afraid. That's what I am. Afraid losing anybody else. That's why I must become brave. Braver then anything. And I won't let my guard down. Not for anyone.

Broken that's what I feel like. Like no one can fix me.

"Come on." Finnick says and helps me up off the grass. "Your just torturing yourself."
"I'm not." I reply and fold my arms.
"You are and your too stubborn to admit it." He laughs.
Finnick walks with me all the way there to the funeral. I hesitate to walk in at first. I have never been here. Finnick must of been reading my mind as he's says
"You have been here you always used to sit on the back in the corner with your best friend. Don't you remember? The whole town came into this building for Christmas?"
"Then why where you here you lived in the capital. This is district 12!" I ask.
"You brought me here to meet peeta." He says.
"Peeta? Who's he?" I rack my brain searching for any memory's of someone called peeta.
"You don't remember?" Finnick surprising starts looking around. "Well he isn't here.. Yet."

"Tell me stuff about him maybe I will remember then." He nods then just lists loads of things but nothing is familiar.
"He moved to the capital on February 1st a year ago. Ring any bells?" I shake my head and he just facepamls.

From what Finnick told me I gather that me and him were best friends but he moved away with his dad to the capital, near Finnick. I also learned that Peeta left behind his brothers, and I learned that Peeta knew about the accident.
Why can I not remember Peeta! Why!

I go and sit down on one of the seats and Finnick follows. I'm sitting there looking at the caskets only a few meters away and feel a tear slip out my eye. "Hey look." Finnick nudges me. I look over to where he is pointing and two boys maybe slightly older then me are approaching Finnick. I wipe away my tears and say hello the politely and then one of the boys with blond hair and bright blue eyes sits next to me. I move a bit closer to Finnick as I don't know this person.
"Hey Katniss." He says.
"Uhh hey.." I reply.
"Katniss has had some memory loss." Finnick interrupts.
"Katniss meet peetas oldest brother, Thomas." I shake hands with peetas brother.
"So how many brothers has Peeta got?" I ask Thomas.
"You don't remember do you?" He asks and frowns.
"No." I say embarrassed.
"Well then, Peeta has two brothers. Sebastian and me. Our mum owns a bakery round the corner. Near the meadow where you and Peeta used to hang out." He pauses and look at me before he speaks again.

"Then Peeta moved away with our dad. He's in a school In the captital because they have some interesting art program." He makes sure I'm keeping up with him before he carries on.
"You used to visit us all the time. You were like a little sister to me."

I look Down and I smile at this. And when I look back up Thomas is gone. I search the room and him to find him hugging someone who looks exactly like him only slightly smaller and more muscular. I nudge Finnick.
"Who that?" I whisper. Finnick follows my gaze before replying.
"That's Peeta."

This can't be Peeta. I feel like I would know him. Or recognise him. Finnick said Peeta was very important to me. I would recognise him. I would.

I get up and walk over as Peeta is looking up from his brothers shoulder as he is braking the hug. He sees me then takes a double look.
"His breath I blown away." I jump as Finnick says this.
"Don't scare me Finnick...What do I say to him?" I ask and start fiddling with my long brown hair.
"Say hi? I don't know. Just say.."
"Shut up." I hiss as Peeta comes over.
"Katniss!" He seems so relived to see me and envelopes me in a big hug.
"Ummmm.." I stand there awkwardly.
"Peeta.." I begin.
"Oh Katniss I wanted to see you ever since the crash but then there was a massive thing with my dad hating my mum so I couldn't come back! And I did call but you weren't picking up." He goes to hug me again but I stop him. And now a feel so much guilt and his face is only showing worry.
I nudge Finnick signalling for him to tell Peeta. Because I can't.
"Peeta, um katniss she..um...she is now.." Finnick scratches the back of his neck. He does this when he is nervous. "...um...Peeta...katniss..."

I can't take this anymore and I just decide to blurt it out.
"I don't remember you." Peeta's face drops. "I'm suffering from memory loss. Apparently you were my best friend." I swear I see tears in his eyes. Did I really mean that much to him?

"Peeta I think you can get katniss memory back." Finnick buts in. "You just need to..."
"No I don't need to do anything." Peeta says he's hurt I can tell. I want to hug him but i have to remind myself. I don't know this person.

"She's doesn't remember me." Peeta shuts his eyes tightly. He opens them and looks at me praying that this is just a dream. He realises it isn't a dream and turns around and rushes out the Hall.
"Peeta come back." Finnick shouts.
"I can't be here if she doesn't remember me. Its gonna hurt to much." And with that's he's gone. I'm about to run after him but I have to remind myself. You don't know this person.
"Katniss you have known Peeta since day one." Finnick sighs.
"Well I can't even remember then." I am so angry and confused right now I just want to scream and cry until my throat is sore and my eyes are stinging. But I must get through this funeral. For mum and dad. For my sister....

I cried. A lot. Finnick gave a speech, then it was his mums, Kayleigh(my auntie), turn. And finally it was me.

I barley got through my speech there where times where I just held the microphone and just cried. Finnick had to stand beside me for most of it.

"That funeral was the hardest thing in my life." I cry onto Finnick shoulder and he pulls me in for a hug. "Funerals are made to help people find peace with them being gone and move on. For me that just reminded me. That my family is dead." I cry even more.
"They are dead." I keep reappearing it and I can barley breath.
"They are dead!" I scream. Everyone's eyes are now on me. There must of been hundreds at this funeral. Everyone knows I'm the daughter of the people who where killed. Everyone knows I've lost my sister.
"They are dead!" I cry/whisper into finnicks ear. "They are dead I'm not gonna be able to cope." Everything I have been holding in is now coming out. All of the anger the fear. Finnick picks me up and takes me back to my house. He sets me down on the grass where I curl up into a ball. I end up crying so much I pass out.