Ruins of Autumn

2• War Without Rules

"I am a soldier. I do not
get affected by feelings."

T-34
| Klaus Jäger |
••••

    Blerimi had expected to find out that it was someone whom he had met at least once in his lifetime, but to actually have had her so close and even talked to her still seemed unprecedented as an event.

    In general, he wasn't someone who supported the theory that things happen for a certain reason. He rather supported the principle of the flow of events.

    We made a certain decision in a certain situation in the past, because that's how we felt it was the right thing to do, and then we reached an unforeseen point, that it didn't even cross our mind that it would come in that kind of way, not that there is a reason for the future as to why we're exactly in such a life version of the present.

    But Anila had made him question himself and think about the theory that he didn't believe. Because he was going to see her again, they met that day in May at the bar? That event had happened to make it easier for him to achieve his goal against Amarildo?

    He had noticed and understood that she had been drawn to him, but her gaze had not caused enough of an impression for Blerimi to show interest in her. Had the meeting between them really happened in his favour?

    Two months had passed since that day, and he thought that Anila would have forgotten him by now. She probably was in a relationship with someone else, but he didn't see that relationship as an obstacle at all.

    If Anila really had a boyfriend, Blerimi was going to separate them from each other.

    Without wasting any more time, he had searched for her on the internet, and as he had guessed, Blerimi had discovered a lot of information about her on Instagram that would be quite helpful; her birthday was on July 23rd; she was twenty-two years old; she had a sister who was seven years younger than her, whose name was Visara; her closest friend, who was also her cousin, was called Brunilda Idrizaj; and her birthday was on July 13th. Anila's favourite colour was pink. She had graduated Bachelor's in English, and she was very fond of skating.

    The life that he had set out to destroy seemed like it had never taken such a hit before. Whether he was correct or not in that guess, Anila herself would tell him.

    Blerimi had created a fake Instagram account to follow her, and from the photo posted on her story of Anila wearing white skates, blue short jeans, a baby pink crop top with bare shoulders and sleeves below the elbows, her hair behind the head with a hairpin, and a few strands left with the bangs along the forehead, he realised that she would be at the skating rink at that moment.

    If he hurried and didn't remain lost in thoughts that he was choosing the wrong path and had to give up while he was still in time, he could reach her.

    No, vengeance was the right choice. Amarildo should have thought longer before going against him.

    Blerimi paid the bill for the drink he had ordered at a bar at Tirana Ring Centre and headed for the skating area, determined not to abandon the plan he had made. Anila Idrizaj was nothing more than the right toy he would use to take revenge on Amarildo in the same way he had destroyed Blerimi.

    He felt the coldness of the rink as soon as he walked up the stairs and noticed that the reception area was empty. Although it was early in the morning, there were many participants, mostly young people. He immediately looked around for Anila and found her standing with her back to the vanilla and brown shelves, where newcomers could leave their personal belongings while they were there.

    She seemed calm and comfortable with the environment and the people around her. She wasn't afraid at all that something could go wrong, and the depression she would fall into wouldn't let her smile so happily anymore.

    It seemed like destiny had decided that in this story, it was going to be on Blerimi's side, because next to Anila, his friend, Rolandi, as tall and the same age as him, with short black hair and eyes with the same colour as the work uniform he wore, was talking to two blonde girls in their early twenties, with teal eyes and dressed in green sportive costumes, whom Blerimi had met before when he had been at ice skating and hung out with them several times.

    The next step was immediately formed in his mind, and he didn't hesitate even for a second to implement it. Walking towards them, he heard Rolandi telling one of the girls, Izabela, that he had learned to skate the first day he had stepped onto the icy, slippery rink and joined the conversation.

    "Stop lying, Roland. No one believes you."

    Blerimi noticed how Anila raised her head from his side and felt her energy and surprise that they were meeting again.

    "You tell them, too, that it's true," the receptionist, dressed in the black work uniform, asked for the help of the newcomer. "We were together when we first came here."

    "It's true," Blerimi nodded about his peer.

    He noticed Anila raising her head from time to time and looking at him.

    "I don't know," Izabela on Rolandi's left side, seemed to be shaking with excitement and nervousness at the same time. "I'm afraid I'll never learn ice skating."

    She had only done a few small laps, holding on to the iron curbs at the edges of the track on the right, and was thinking of giving up because of the difficulty of learning that sport.

    "That's how it seems at first, but then you won't want to leave." Blerimi thought it was time to return his gaze to Anila, who hadn't moved yet, and he had the impression that she was pretending to be using the phone, but he acted like he still hadn't noticed her.

    "I watched some videos on the Internet where it said that the second step to learning to skate is to know how to fall," said Izabela's twin, who, unlike her sister, who was four minutes older than her, didn't mind the fact that it would take patience to learn ice skating. Valentina loved challenges.

    Blerimi looked casually at Anila, understood the look in her eyes, as if she were waiting for him to recognise her and express his surprise, pretended not to remember her by turning to Rolandi, and then looked at her again, this time showing clearly in the surprised facial expression that he remembered that they had met somewhere, and it just occurred to him where.

    Anila lowered her head over her phone and clenched her teeth even more to keep her smile under control and not show how much she was affected by Blerimi's presence. It seemed unbelievable to her that they were meeting again.

    She had wished in silence for such an event to happen between them, but she hadn't been too optimistic, considering the fact that maybe he had left Tirana forever, or who knows what else had happened to him. But she hadn't completely lost hope, and now Anila was being rewarded. She would no longer leave it up to fate to wait until it was decided for them to meet again. At any given chance, she was going to talk to him.

    She turned off her phone and looked around as if to not stare intentionally at Blerimi. She gained his gaze with the same feeling as she had for him, held it for a moment, and dared to arch her lips very shallowly to show her interest in him more clearly, so that he wouldn't think that perhaps he had been misunderstood and she wasn't as interested in him as it had seemed.

    Anila decided to enter the icy floor, overcome by his hypnotic and romantic euphoria. She thought of doing some skating so that, in the meantime, he would walk away from his friends to be alone, and then she would approach him.

    Her legs immediately found the balance to keep her from falling, and she made several movements across the icy floor. Anila could feel his look on her and how her mind was being distracted, confusing her and risking her falling. She had never been so nervous about being watched as she was in those moments.

    She skated with only one foot on the ice, did a few more manoeuvres, and watched online and noticed Blerimi standing in the corner of the rink from the left side of it, while Rolandi was working at the reception and the two twin girls were skating too.

    That seemed like the right time to make a move. The positive feelings caused by Blerimi turned into drugs of happiness for her heart, which was beating excessively with enthusiasm and emotions because of him. She was convinced that the more she fed herself with that dose of drugs, the happier she would feel.

    Life would pass anyway. Why spend it regretting that she hadn't taken the risk by the thought that she was rushing when in fact she could look back with nostalgic joy and self-pride at that moment when she had dared to take a step forward?

    Anila walked towards the end of the rink and stopped next to it, purposely slamming her skates against the wall surrounding the track to make noise.

    "Can I speak now?" Blerimi asked, recalling that day in the bar.

    Anila smiled in acceptance of his joke and moved closer to him. She placed her hand on the side of her head to the right and slowly slid her hand down to her cheek, looking guilty.

    "I have no idea how I was able to say that sentence," she confessed in an inquisitive tone while looking at Blerimi with remorseful sincerity. "It wasn't my intention to give you orders."

    "I didn't misunderstand at all," he assured her with a smiling look and a calm voice, and he held out his hand. "I'm Blerim Agolli."

    "Anila Idrizaj," she accepted his hand.

    "If I knew you were going to explain, I would have interrupted you," said Blerimi. "I was thinking of asking you about that day while we were having a drink."

    Anila stared at him, dumbfounded at the missed invitation.

    "I lied!" she told him immediately. "It's not true at all that I inadvertently said, 'Don't speak!'."

    Blerimi laughed at her implied argument that she wanted to go out with him, and Anila was glad that she had made him think that he mattered to her.

    She loved making people feel important, and she wasn't afraid at all that they could take advantage of her and hurt her because, just as she could make them feel important, she also had the power to make them feel worthless. It all depended on how she wanted to behave.

    "Now you have made me quite curious to know the truth. Any chance I can find that out within this week?" Blerimi looked at her flirtatiously to understate that he liked her, and from her deep breathing, averted eyes, and excited smile, he understood that Anila had just fallen into the trap.

    "The deadline is today for me to remember the reason. Tomorrow, I'll forget everything about it."

    He smiled at her invitation to go out that day, glad that she had taken that step and that he didn't have to try to convince her himself to go out without Anila suspecting anything.

    "I shouldn't waste any more time, then," he remarked teasingly. "Do you promise to tell the truth and nothing but the truth?"

    "The truth and nothing but the truth." Anila swore in a solemn tone, and they both laughed at her feigned seriousness.

    Blerim Agolli didn't make any kind of promise.