Ruins of Autumn

37• Family And Friends

    Leonora didn't stand still and give herself time to think once more about deciding what to do exactly.
 
    When she felt the existence of the suspicion that someone was behind her, she immediately turned her head back and saw Graniti standing a few steps away.
 
    She exhaled lightly to show the indifference to the anger in his eyes, which he would always have against her if she didn't give up on the suicide she was attempting to commit, the indolence of how much he was being tortured by the fear of losing her, and the fact that Leonora didn't care at all about him and his pleading with his eyes for her not to jump, didn't care that now he knew that the greatest wealth that parents can leave to their child are the siblings, that if given the chance, he would prove that he had the same thought about her.
 
    Graniti had guessed that she was going to be there if she hadn't already jumped by the time he arrived on the terrace, having just woken up. Leonora hadn't been in the room, and none of the medical staff had taken her in for any tests.
 
    He had immediately wanted to call her, when he had seen her at the edge of the terrace, to stop her, but his voice hadn't been able to come out, and the guess that he wouldn't solve anything acting that way had left him in silence.
 
    He wanted nothing more than to stop her, but apart from the fear that she would be more motivated to jump, he wanted Leonora to give up on suicide, to decide about both of them continuing a new chapter in their lives, and to get along as siblings with each other.
 
    If Leonora still wanted to jump, even though she knew what irreversible consequences her death would leave, he wouldn't stop her. She had the right to do whatever she wanted. Graniti hadn't fulfilled his responsibilities in the past with her and hadn't cared how much she had been suffering. Now Leonora was within her right to also ignore her responsibilities towards him and take revenge. 
 
    No! How could he let her do that? He had to reach out to her, force her away from there if that was the only solution, and lock her up somewhere until she changed her mind and agreed to live, but he couldn't hurt her; he couldn't oppose her.
 
    Leonora leaned her head forward and surrendered to the blood relation that she had ignored until those moments, not to be hurt by disappointment again, as she had been in the past. Now that relationship was insisting more than ever on being considered and for her to give another chance to her family, because perhaps it was the case where the healing began from the depth of the wound, and if its root didn't heal, neither the owner nor the family would ever fully recover.
 
    In her family with all the wounded members, she had been the only one who had openly shown the existence of her wounds after her teen years, in a time when the others had remained silent about the pain they had been experiencing so as not to be considered weak. Leonora had not stayed without talking about the injustices that had been done to her, and they had wanted to silence the hammer in their conscience, saying that they had to take such action themselves, but the reluctance and powerlessness to stand up had made them cowards, and they had tried to silence Leonora instead of healing their wounds.
 
    In those moments, Graniti, with his downcast gaze and the loss that he felt would keep him imprisoned for life if she didn't choose him, but only his past, wanted one more chance to do the right thing, which he should have done years ago and started from there; he was admitting that he too had suffered the consequences of his parents' lack of education on how to properly love his sister, society had manipulated him into giving him the advice that he should always behave as her owner and not a supporter and teach her correctly about some aspects of life, and now he needed her help to win over the wrongly lived past.
 
    She didn't want to leave his brother with that heavy weight on his back. She wanted to free them both, to live in a time when they felt safe in life because they knew they had someone of their own who would always be there for them because their blood relation would pull them. 
 
    And her inner child, her past self—how would the silent little girl with short red hair and compassionate maple eyes have felt if she had known that she was going to reach such a moment in her life? She deserved all the opportunities, someone to give her a hand, and to get up after every fall.
 
    Leonora wanted to live in peace.
 
    Graniti couldn't believe it when she turned to face him completely and left the edge of the terrace.
 
    "I'm such a ruin!" His sister confessed all the suffering kept inside from falling again because of Blerimi—the memories of her past—that didn't leave her alone, and she could no longer fight them all on her own. She allowed herself to cry without fear of being criticised, like she was acting as a victim. She just had to fight back, though she desperately needed a break.
 
    He approached her without first asking for her permission, stretched out his arms, and pulled Leonora into a tight embrace.
 
    "We're going to fix everything," he breathed a sigh of relief with his eyes closed and his head resting on her neck, while holding her tightly with the wish to never let her stay away from him.
 
    Leonora sobbed more from that healing embrace; she understood why Blerimi had called Xhuliana his other self, and she felt the same about Graniti, as if her other self were telling her with other words that he loved her, and those words were exactly the magic formula that was needed to extinguish all the hatred towards her brother and accept giving them another chance.
 
    He felt the freedom from the past smiling at him, when Leonora placed her hands on his back and returned the hug, he broke away from her to wipe her tears, put his hands on the sides of her face, and expressed all the love he had for her in the look of his blue glassy eyes from the fragile existence of tears.
 
    "I leave my head for you." He swore firmly that it was worth such a sacrifice for her, and Leonora laughed, elated by those words that were telling her that she was so important to him that Graniti would rather consider the risk of losing his own life than allow anything bad to happen to her.
 
    "I would do the same for you, Granit." Leonora looked at him with a coequal kind of feeling, put her hands on his forearms, and closed her eyes when he kissed her on the forehead.
 
    They hugged again, this time both with the feeling that they were no longer the same people as before; they were richer because they had each other, and happy memories now seemed easier to create.
 
••••
    He strengthened his right hand more when he helped her sit on the bed, and Leonora was clutching his hand from the pain of the wound. The move had had its consequences, but it had been worth it.
 
    "Are you okay?" He covered her with a sheet, and she affirmed, happy with his care.
 
    Graniti sat down near the middle of the bed beside Leonora and put his hand on her arm. She pursed her lips slightly at the safety and comfort of his touch.
 
    "Have you decided where you want to live?" he asked reluctantly, thinking that it was probably best if he waited a while before asking.
 
    "Tirana," Leonora decided.
 
    She had the intuition that only in her homeland would she find the opportunity to start another new chapter from the beginning, with the help of Graniti. That start was desperately needed.
 
    "Good," her brother said, glad that he would have her by his side. "I'll buy the tickets tomorrow, then. OK?"
 
    "OK," Leonora agreed.
 
    "What is a topic you would like to talk about?" he asked enthusiastically, ready to discuss any topic she wanted to open.
 
    "Your friends," she said, the first answer that came to her mind. "Do you have any close girl friend?" his little sister asked with investigating eyes, and he chuckled. "Even more than a friend, it's not a problem."
 
    "Tsk," he denied.
 
    "Tsk, what? Speak; don't be shy."
 
    Graniti felt the phone vibrating in the left pocket of his black jeans, and Leonora heard it too.
 
    "Who is it?" she asked, a little scared that she was minding his business. Graniti wouldn't like something like that, and he would scold her.
 
    "Pavlin Dani," he said softly.
 
    "Pavlin Dani, or 'Pavlina darling', but you have given her a different name, so that I don't get suspicious?" Leonora teased him.
 
    "No," Graniti replied with a light laugh, and he answered his friend's call. "Hello?"
 
    "Yo, dude," Pavlini's voice sounded like he was drunk and as if his words were shaking. "When will you be back? I talked to the boys in Greece. They'll come to Tirana next week. We'll go to a party."
 
    "I'm sure I'll be there until then," he said certainly.
 
    "OK. Be careful, and don't let America screw you again."
 
    "Snake," Graniit turned off his phone and placed it at the end of the bed.
 
    "I'm surprised you're friends with him. I remember you two constantly fighting at school." Leonora recalled.
 
    "I had to sit on the same desk with him when we were in the 12th grade. I went late to school on the first day; Denada wasn't there, and there was only one empty chair. I sat on purpose next to him, just to fight. I thought he would dare ask me to get up and leave, 'cause then I would make sure he never got up on his feet, but he didn't say anything. He had his brain okay. And then we didn't argue anymore. Just like that. We didn't even talk at all. But I met him again after school ended because he found out that I wanted to leave Albania, and he said, 'If you want, I'll help you. I'll find a place for you to stay and all until you settle, as you have planned.' I didn't believe him at first, but a friend of mine told me that he was going with him to Belgium, too, and I said 'OK'. Maybe he doesn't have any bad intentions, except for doing his job. He'll take the money in the end, and that's it. If he has any bad intentions, I will dash him against a wall. Easy, that work. So we left Albania; he earned my respect, and to this day, he hasn't done anything to make me doubt his friendship. Now we're close friends."
 
    Leonora smiled happily, feeling respect for Pavlin Dani, who had stood by her brother's side, and the latter finally had such a friend.
 
    "Now, who is Pavlina?" she asked seriously.
 
    "What a danger you will be," Graniti predicted while lightly ruffling her hair and shaking her head as a sign of love, and Leonora laughed.
 
••••
    Graniti tried to keep Leonora distracted as much as he could during the return to Albania so that she wouldn't dwell on the memories with Blerimi and be sad.
 
    According to the plan made by him, at first they went to the house where he lived in Tirana, and Graniti had thought silently that, after she rested from the trip, they would talk about their father and Zana.
 
    Leonora locked the black door and followed her brother down the white-walled corridor to the living room. She looked at the pale beige sofa in front of her, the windows hidden by the white blackout curtains, and the kitchen to the right, and strode a little loudly on the parquet floor.
 
    "I'll take them to the bedroom," Graniti referred to the suitcases, and she left them on the ground.
 
    She walked past the dining table, next to the TV, and went to the windows to look away. Although the sky was covered with clouds of various shades of grey, Leonora felt welcomed at home. She was good, and she had Graniti by her side. She hadn't had a good story start, and the ongoing had exhausted her, but that chapter had been closed, and a new page had been opened.
 
    Her story wasn't over. 
 
    She turned her head to her brother when he came out of the bedroom, with the suitcases of clothes placed next to the wardrobe, and smiled at him.
 
    "I thought about ordering food from outside for lunch. Do you agree?" He went next to her.
 
    "Okay," Leonora replied with her hands clasped behind her in excitement.
 
    "Listen," Graniti thought it was a suitable occasion since she seemed in a good mood. "Mom and Dad want to meet you."
 
    She immediately avoided looking away towards the window, and her breathing became laboured.
 
    "Nora, they're not the same people anymore. None of us are," said Graniti. "In the past, they have acted that way with us because they haven't known different and no one has taught them otherwise. But now, thank God, they have us. We won't let them make mistakes. You have seen with your eyes how their whole life has been depression. Shouldn't we give them a hand, either? Should they always be alone? They have lost a child. They don't deserve to lose us too while we live."
 
    "You know about that girl?" she asked in shock.
 
    "Yes, Aunt Anxhelina had told me," he said.
 
    "Only Anxhelina considers informing us about what's going on with our family."
 
    Zana's sister hadn't talked to her since her marriage with Albioni, and Leonora guessed that Zana had decided so, and she understood.
 
    "Please, at least they live. Do you think they have power left to talk about their past?" Graniti turned his gaze, sad because of the course that his parents' lives had taken and furious at the same time towards some of their relatives, who were happy about their situation.
 
    Leonora wanted to meet with them and reconcile. She wanted to feel part of her family, not just to call them family for formality. She wanted to receive love from them and give the love that was not accepted by the latter. 
 
    "I don't want to have a bad time with them," she showed her fear with her averted gaze.
 
    "You won't," Graniti put his hand on her right arm. "I'll be next to you. Even when you're with me, you're afraid?"
 
    "No, not when I'm with you." His sister raised her melancholic eyes and sighed.
 
    It seemed too soon to face them, and she needed more time, but for both of them, it was probably too late, and they feared every moment that the chance to meet her would forever be taken away.
 
    "OK," Leonora decided, not to waste more time.
 
    "I'm calling them," he took the phone out of his black jeans pocket to call his parents. "The room is ready if you want to rest." He gestured from behind his back, and she silently approved.
 
    Leonora went to the bedroom and closed the door slowly. On the pastel blue walls were placed drops of the landscape of nature in winter. Beside the two beds, there were white wardrobes and bedside tables between them. Graniti had opened the big blue curtains. The large window was from the south.
 
    Leonora changed her travelling clothes and laid down on the bed with the green blanket. Sleep immediately came to her aid, detaching her from reality for a few hours.
 
    Graniti thought not to disturb her, and she would eat the food he had ordered when she woke up.

    The knock on the door at the edge of the evening made him suspect that it was Ardiani and Zana, but he had agreed with his father that he would guide them to the address of the house.

    He had sent Ardiani the location, and though he knew his father was very good at orienting, he didn't want to get tired trying to find the place.
 
    "Why didn't you tell me you're here? I would have come to wait for you," he shook Ardiani's hand.
 
    "We didn't want Nora to stay home alone," Zana replied, as they entered. 
 
    "He doesn't get it," added Ardiani for Graniti while taking off his shoes and the black coat to put that clothe on the wooden clothes hanger.
 
    "Nora would've come too, for that matter." Graniti defended his argument.
 
    "Shall we go back if you want to? I see that you won't sleep well tonight from overthinking about this," Ardiani replied ironically.
 
    "No, now that you've said the irony of the day, I'm fine." Graniti followed his course and turned to his mother.
 
    Zana smiled at their usual game of words and headed for the living room. 
 
    "Wait a second." She was stopped by her son. "Where are you going, so beautiful?" He referred to the combination of the sky-blue vest on the eve of the cold December twilight that she was wearing, the white shirt underneath, and the grey jeans.

 
    "Thank you very much." Zana expressed her gratitude for that priceless compliment in her longing look, in her forest green eyes, and in the hug that she gave him.
 
    It seemed like yesterday had been his birth day. As if a second ago she had held the sweet baby in her arms, from whom she hadn't wanted to take her eyes off, not to waste a single moment with him, and now that second had passed in the form of over thirty-three years with a slight squinting of her eyelids; the baby with light blue eyes was taller than her and constantly complimented her appearance and personality to make her happy. 
 
    "Where is Nora?" Ardiani asked .
 
    "She's sleeping," his son replied in a low voice, while the three of them entered the living room.
 
    "What are you cooking for us?" Zana turned curiously to the kitchen.
 
    "Mom, no." Granit blocked the entrance to prevent her from entering the kitchen. "This way," he pointed to the sofa for her to sit down.
 
    "I'm just going to take a look," she widened her soft eyes, almost in pain, if her wish would not be fulfilled.
 
    "When the table is set," he insisted only for a second. "Don't give me that kind of look," he used a slightly heavy tone of voice, but instantly gave in and laughed under the influence of her sweet face.
 
    "OK, but just a glance." He put the categorical condition and Zana immediately nodded enthusiastically.
 
    Graniti stepped aside on her left and let her enter the kitchen.
 
    He constantly asked her to not get tired by cooking and, when she was at his house, he tried not to let her get involved in preparation of the food at all, no matter how sorry he was, for depriving her of her passion, cooking, but he felt worse when he guessed how tired she had been by cooking for years, and now he just wanted to watch her rest.