Ruins of Autumn

29• Never Enough

    Leonora gently opened her eyes with her sleepy face towards the window before the sunrise, so she decided to sleep again and wake up later by its rays.

    As she had planned, it didn't happen, but Leonora didn't find it necessary at all to complain about why she was awakened by Blerimi's hand across her face.

    "How you pretend like you're sleeping," remarked the latter slyly.

    She closed her eyes to enjoy more the feeling of peace from the life she was doing and the rays of the already-risen sun, which were giving a layer of soft gold to her cheeks.

    "Good morning," she greeted Blerimi with the soft tone of voice usual in the mornings.

    "Good morning, sweet autumn princess," he kissed her on her forehead, and Leonora then looked away from the window.

    She had the feeling that she was living properly since she had met Blerimi a month after her divorce. They had been together since then; they had taken control of their lives, and now they were living as they pleased, as they felt they would be happy, and one of the ways to be happy was to walk the path of life together.

    She had always wanted this so that, whatever she wanted, she could have it at the moment and not be delayed by circumstances. About what she was certain of, she wanted to achieve it headlong without having any previous experience of suffering, to know the value of the fulfilment of the goal, or to have it happen to her, as she had read about the lives of various characters in many books and watched them in movies, or listening to stories that happened in real life; that time should pass before she was united with someone she loved, or her dreams were fulfilled. She could also be grateful, using another method, without any sadness, and now she had the opportunity to act just in that way.

    "What time is it?" she asked.

    "It's just past eight. Breakfast is ready," said Blerimi. "I have prepared toast and baked potatoes."

    "Thank you." Leonora looked at him gratefully. "I don't know when the day that I will enjoy waking up early in the morning will come. I'll cook lunch." She got up from the bed.

    "You can wake up whenever you want. You don't have to force yourself."

    "You're spoiling me a lot," she smiled, feeling responsible to change.

    "This is what princesses deserve." Blerimi took her in a hug and kissed her neck. "What do you want to do today?"

    "Nothing comes to mind right now," they both went to the kitchen. "Let's watch a movie this morning at home and hang out in the afternoon." Leonora filled a glass with water and put two drops of lemon in it.

    "Okay," Blerimi agreed, and the calmness on his face was replaced by worry when he saw how she opened her eyes more in a state of panic. "What's wrong?" he asked after Leonora placed the glass on the counter near the refrigerator to his left.

    "I wanted to ask you something, but I don't want to ruin your mood."

    "No, what do you say?" He was surprised by her timidity. "You can ask me whatever you want."

    "OK," Leonora breathed, more relieved by his reassuring look. "I wanted to ask about your case-the imprisonment three years ago. Have you asked the police if they have found the real culprits?"

    "Yes, I called them today before I woke you up," said Blerimi calmly. 'Nothing new,' they said. But I don't think that they will deal with this case anymore. It was a mistake by the employee at the car wash where I took my car that day. It was a coincidence that he had taken the package, which had been in another car, and put that package in my car. He hadn't known that the package had had drugs."

    "Do you think he told the truth in court when he gave that testimony?"

    "Yes."

    "Perhaps they think that you're seeking revenge." Leonora tried to hide her fear from that assumption.

    "They think, but they can't do anything because they risk having their identity revealed. So each one of us is minding our own business. Those years have passed, and that's it. We can't turn back time. You don't have to be afraid." He put his hands on the sides of his face.

    "OK," she smiled, delighted by the understanding in the communication between them.

    Blerimi was always discreet when answering Leonora's questions; he considered her emotional state before asking her about anything from her past, in which he hadn't participated, or talking about his life, events from the past, or what plans he had for the future, and he didn't pressure her for anything to change her mind or for her to agree on any topic against her will.

    "I'm going to wash my face, and then we can have breakfast. I'll take a shower after."

    "Okay," Blerimi stepped to the side to make way for her, and Leonora left the kitchen.

    She closed the door behind her when she entered the bathroom and looked at herself in the adjacent mirror. She smiled lovingly at her still sleepy eyes, brighter than ever with happiness, and at her tousled hair, which she tied in a careless bun and turned on the warm water tap.

    "This is real," she said to herself, while admiring the reflected person she had become, the present she was living, the relationship she had with Blerimi, the online job as a marketing manager at the company where he also worked, and the opportunity to practice her hobby, hairstyling. "All this happiness you have is real, and what will come will be real too."

    She excitedly imagined that the two of them would get married together and spend the rest of their lives side by side, and he showed that he had this very intention by the way he behaved with her during the following spring days, which they decided to spend in America.

    Those three months were like Saturdays off, which they spent travelling through different countries of the continent, and in the meantime, Leonora also learned to swim, drive a car, and ride a bike. Such a free routine changed only at the end of May. Blerimi hadn't bought Leonora flowers that day, just as a gift for her.

    Imagining her reaction fueled his enthusiasm and energy to hurry faster and knock on the front door of their apartment. He hid the bouquet behind his back, and only when Leonora appeared at the threshold did he reveal the first part of the surprise. He gazed at her astonished face and then at the wonder in her warm brown eyes, and he became more excited.

    "These flowers say that they belong to you. Do you have any information, Leonora?"

    "Thank you," she took the flowers and looked at him gratefully. Blerimi never stopped showing how much he loved her.

    "You deserve the best in life," he kissed her. "I was wondering if we could go out tonight. What do you think?"

    "Yes," Leonora happily agreed and hugged him.

    She immediately thought about wearing the dark red dress, short enough above the knees, with wide sleeves to the wrists. The neck was covered with a turtleneck band and a split across the centre of the chest, all the way down to the chest level, to reveal her soft beige skin with a hint of very light rose pink. She chose to accessorise the outfit with a pair of wine-red heels, a watch with a gold bracelet, a pair of earrings of the same colour in the shape of a crescent moon, and a bracelet with a crescent moon as well.

    'I was born at night.' she had said to Blerimi when they had bought the jewels. 'I like this time and the moon, also for this reason.'

    She smirked when she saw through the mirror her boyfriend leaning against the door and staring at her body, her red wavy hair lying behind her back, and then with burning desire from the seeming seduction of her sweet smiley eyes.

    She gave him the pleasure of contemplating for a few more moments as she put on the earrings and then turned to face Blerimi, who managed to leave her speechless, as he had done when they had first met, dressed in black-a sight that invited in sin and gave the energy of a dangerous man, who clearly expressed that he didn't offer security and a comfort zone but knew how to beguile into thinking that with his presence there was no need for that kind of zone at all.

    "Did you change your mind?" Blerimi entered the room. "You don't want to go out?"

    "No, I do," Leonora said, surprised. "What makes you think that I don't?"

    "You're dressed as if you want to stay at home," he remarked, approaching her, and she smiled.

    "I also have a tight dress, but I chose this one tonight because it moves more easily around the body." She stared at him goadingly, just as the dress easily slipped along her body.

    Blerimi zeroed the space between them by placing his right hand behind her back and his left on the slit of her dress along the line below her throat to the bottom of her chest, and saw her instant change, surrendering to that fiery touch and breathing in irregular form.

    "You've said the truth." He took his left hand to the side of her right leg below the waist, crossed the soft skin from above, kissed Leonora hard, and held her close to him even when he broke away from her.

••••
    Blerimi didn't tell her the reason for going out while they were having dinner at a restaurant so that Leonora wouldn't suspect anything.

    Only when they arrived at their apartment did he direct her to its balcony under the icy moonlight on the east, turn her in front of him, and gaze deeply at her.

    "I find it scary sometimes when I think about what I can do because of the great love that I have for you."

    "What can you do, for example?" she asked curiously, raising her eyebrows.

    "I can let you go."

    His answer froze her.

    "I'm ready to burn my whole being with longing for you, just so you can be happy, even without me," Blerimi confessed. "But I want you to always stay."

    He took a dark red box out of his trousers' pocket and knelt before her, he felt like he was in front of the right person, who made it the right time and the right place too, and he didn't want to be anywhere else in those moments.

    She slightly parted her lips, her eyes fixed on the ring with a sapphire stone in the middle and little diamonds around it.

    "Do you want to stay too? Will you marry me, Leonora?"

    "Yes!" she answered immediately, more than certain that she had just given him the right answer, and Blerimi stood up.

    He put the ring on her finger and kissed her.

    "You will never be enough for me, Leonora. I'll never say, 'I have loved her enough. I have hugged her enough. I have looked at her enough.' The love that I have for you will never end." Her fiancé vowed.

    "Blerim, you're healing me," she replied in tears of joy, and she kissed him again.

    The sickle-shaped moon had turned its back on the earth and had stretched its two corners towards a star above it as if begging the fiery, celestial tangle to accept just a little hug from the shape-shifting natural satellite, but the star, afraid that everything could be a trap and it would risk being imprisoned forever in the clutching arms of the moon, if it accepted, stayed as far as possible, free in the navy blue night sky.