Ruins of Autumn

48• I Can Be Your Boyfriend.

 
    Anila read the latest email from the company administrator, Majlinda, announcing a month-end meeting with the managers of the company in two days at five in the afternoon, and turned off the laptop.
 
    For that meeting, she chose to wear pale lavender jeans, white trainers, and a white shirt. She parted her hair in the middle, let it loose as usual, and made sure not to forget her sunglasses.
 
    In the courtyard, paved with small rectangular light and dark grey tiles, she noticed Sidoreli and Majlinda talking near the entrance of the building. She took a long look at the tattoo artist wearing a bottle-green blouse and pale blue jeans with a slight hint of grey and white sneakers as he was listening seriously to the administrator and was really taking her words into consideration, and Anila went next to them.
 
    "How are you?" She stared at the administrator, who was wearing a cerulean shirt with many white vertical stripes, baggy blue trousers, and white sandals.
 
    "Very good, Anila. How are you?" Majlinda held out her hand, and the employee widened her eyes, tightened by discomfort.
 
    If she was going to shake hands with her, shouldn't she also shake hands with Sidoreli? What if he didn't shake her hand? She would be more ashamed.
 
    She shook Majlinda's hand, saw just his right hand, and immediately went to the open glass doors of the company without looking at Sidoreli.
 
    Only after she entered the product room and saw that there was no one inside did she take a deep breath, still overwhelmed by the weight of emotions gathered in her chest next to her heart from moments before.
 
    Now he would have realised that she had no interest in him, or perhaps, together with Majlinda, he would have called Sidoreli's avoidance an improper act and a lack of respect towards him for not giving him her hand.
 
    "I'm tired!" She angrily pulled out her phone to film some of the products on the white shelves and post the video on her Instagram account afterward.
 
    That whole situation was crushing her. The misunderstandings she had created, the useless involvement, constantly thinking about Sidoreli's reaction to her, trying to decipher his looks, creating all sorts of hypotheses that maybe he liked her and wasn't using her, to make Arbeta jealous... She had to put an end to them, not think about him at all, and not care how he felt about her presence.
 
    "There is nothing between you and me!" Anila emphasised her voice in a heavy tone to convince herself to finally close that chapter.
 
    "Are you sure?"
 
    She turned back after hearing that question asked by Sidoreli as he entered the room.
 
    "You don't seem very convinced to me," he narrowed his eyes suspiciously.
 
    Anila chose silence over his words and kept on filming the products.
 
    "Majlinda told me that she was going to organise a company training in Durrës, but I convinced her not to," said Sidoreli, and she guessed that it meant her dislike for that city. "Did I make a mistake?"
 
    Anila turned off the phone and turned her stoic face to him, who had now outlined shallow lips, and the indifferent look of the dominating jade eyes against the soft green colour had been replaced by the flirtatious gaze with the most visible green in those moments over the rough jade.
 
    "May I know why you are talking to me?" She demanded to cognize. "I don't remember giving you any permission, and you are not my relative. What is your excuse?"
 
    "I think the reason why you don't like tattoos and Durrës is because you haven't found the tattoo you want to get, and you haven't gone with someone you love to Durrës. So, I suggest we start with Durrës, going on a date together."
 
    Anila created a small distance between her lips, taken aback by his suggestion. Was he asking her out?
 
    This situation was getting out of control. Now she was becoming really curious to know how the work was with that Arbeta, that Sidoreli was insisting on so much to make her jealous, using Anila. And why her?
 
    Ignoring him seemed like the right solution for her, but the desire to continue the game did not let her decide quickly enough to implement the first alternative. What if she only played a little? He didn't mind at all using her, regardless of the fact that she might get hurt if she found out she was being used. Why not do Anila the same?
 
    To stoop to his level seemed low to her. She wasn't like that. But there was no need to change the level. She would beat Sidoreli at his own game.
 
    "A tattoo artist, who knows that I don't like tattoos at all, is inviting me to go on a date with him. I'm very curious to know what makes you think, even once, that I will accept," she laughed.
 
    "It's a bit of a long story, and you'll get tired listening to it while standing on foot. When we sit somewhere in Durrës, we talk."
 
    "Sidorel, are you going to tell me now that you have suffered a crisis in your brain and that's why you have no idea what you're talking about, or should I guess it myself?" She wasn't in the mood for games of words anymore.
 
    "A crisis I have suffered," said Sidoreli. "But not in the brain."
 
    Anila thought that he had just meant his heart, affected by the slow arching of Sidoreli's lips, and she tilted her head to escape that distraction.
 
    "Okay. I understand that you don't have anything in order. Have a nice day." She decided to end the conversation with him.
 
    "Why do I have the impression that you're worth risking everything to have you in my life?"
 
    It seemed as if Sidoreli asked the two of them that question out of nowhere, himself, why he felt so attracted to her, despite knowing that he had the obstacle of Amarildo and that he had to stay as far away from her as possible, not flirting with her, and Anila, as if he wanted to know if she too had the same feeling.
 
    Anila didn't manage to protect herself in time so as not to decipher his questioning gaze, and she felt like he was serious and not playing. Someone had really misunderstood the situation between them, but that person all that time had only been her. Sidoreli had never used her to make Arbeta jealous, but he was also asking her out because he liked her.
 
    No, she couldn't trust him or risk discovering her past. She was sure he would change his mind about her immediately, and she would regret lowering her shields to let him get close to her.
 
    "Seriously?" She opened his eyes more monotonously. "You don't think that I will fall for these words and believe that you really want to go out with me, do you?"
 
    Sidoreli looked at her as if he really wanted to go out with her and was thinking about how to convince her that he wasn't playing.
 
    "I have no intention of harming you, as someone must have done in the past."
 
    Anila took a small step back, stabbed by that exact doubt, and could only tearfully think about asking him how he had dared to remind her of that part of the past.
 
    Sidoreli fathomed that he had gone too far.
 
    "If you are doubting about this..."
 
    "Don't talk to me anymore!" Anila used the rude tone of her voice to hurt him, affected by the pain because he had reminded her of Blerimi. "You aren't at the right level, not even to be looked at by me, let alone to talk to me, and even less to go out with me!" She looked for just a second at the raw jade promptly highlighted in his eyes and left the room, taking a deep breath from the haze.
 
    She couldn't even go to the bathroom to freshen up her face because there were large mirrors there. She hurried down the stairs to the first floor to get out and stay outside, to get herself together, until the meeting began.
 
    Another huge mistake from her, which could have been easily avoided if she hadn't wanted to play. Now she was paying the consequences. When would he remember and think before she acted?
 
    Sidoreli kept a serious look of disdain when he entered the company's bar, invited by two employees there to have a drink with them, as soon as he saw Anila sitting at the black table near the glass walls with the administrator and three managers of the company.
 
    She didn't look at him at all when he sat facing her or when he ordered, and the waiter didn't delay in bringing him the requested drink but kept reading concentratedly on a sheet of paper.
 
    Sidoreli vented, still indignated by her behaviour a little while ago, and tried not to be affected more, but his being couldn't obey him, and his eyes narrowed while he silently studied her facial features. The weakness and exhaustion clearly reflected on them, which showed a person who had gone through a lot of difficulties in life and now had no more strength to stand alone. She looked like someone of whom people had taken advantage because of her naivety and carried her around, doing whatever they wanted with her. Now Anila needed someone to notice her state and offer her help.
 
    She had probably done bad things to someone, and that person had not left it at that. She had deserved everything that had happened to her. Some women, just to create trouble, lived.
 
    Such thoughts fueled further his judgement towards her and increased the negative impression he created on purpose for her so that he would not feel bad about being ignored by her. He tilted his gaze, happy that he had parted with her and hadn't insisted more on dating her.
 
    He had no intention of dealing with a traumatised soul.
 
    He glanced at her again when she was gently looking at Majlinda, who was sitting on the chair in front of her, while the latter spoke, and he didn't take his eyes off her immediately.
 
    He gazed at Anila as if enchanted by her, without remembering the words he had thought of her a moment ago, her face with a kind expression, the slight line of her lips, and he felt the warmth within himself towards her, the special alluring beauty that his hypnotised eyes were admiring, the positive energy received from Anila, and the instinctive impression as if she were sociable and a very loving person, but such characteristics she expressed only to the people she trusted.
 
    He looked away, took a deep breath, and took the drink on the square table with the thought that it would bring him to his senses and he wouldn't start imagining absurd versions of his future, of which Anila would be a part.
 
    He looked at her once more, hoping that he had only been distracted for a moment before, but now he was better. The warmth of that moment found place at him again, and he didn't try at all to attack such a sensation and make it disappear.
 
    On the contrary, he smiled; when Anila laughed at a joke told by Majlinda, Sidoreli laughed too, while staring at her.