Ruins of Autumn

51• You Will Trust Me.

    She would crash him.

    As Anila walked slowly towards Sidoreli's car while he was waiting for her inside the car parked next to the building with powder pink walls to the left of the bar, where she had suggested they meet, she saw, as a vision on the future horizon, only that conclusion from the date between them.

    Because they were total opposites, they had initially been attracted to each other, and now, as she had said, only the collision was left.

    Perhaps he would crash her first; Anila couldn't say for sure that she would be the only one who would hit, but if she was not careful, the total destruction of both of them would be inevitable.

    Giving up while she was on time seemed like part of that caution. What had she been thinking? With all those traumas in the form of monsters lurking in the dark in her mind, ready to surprise her with memories of the past, how could she throw Sidoreli onto the battlefield by making him a part of her life? He didn't deserve such a trap. He probably was a warrior himself, with a past full of scratches, but he was very good at hiding them.

    To give in to the pain and leave, since she had not been noticed by him yet, so as not to cause more pain.

    She stood, without moving, next to the bar on her right.

    Sidoreli was watching calmly the other side of the road.

    Her heart cried out to her, through the emphasis of the beating sound, to go ahead and overpower the scream of reasoning that she should not go to that date. Otherwise, there would be no turning back and no possibility of choosing another course with fewer consequences.

    She lifted her left foot, just slightly off the grey and pale pastel-red bricked ground, in the direction behind her to walk away.

    Sidoreli tilted his head to her side; he looked in detail at the black bag with a strap on her right arm, the soft grey jeans she was wearing, the black trainers, and the royal blue sweater, and then returned to her eyes, which expressed a dilemma about whether she should continue towards him or not.

    He made no move when Anila turned her back and walked in the opposite direction. Ignoring the need for his legs to rush towards her and convince her not to give up, he waited for her to return on her own.

    Anila stopped and inhaled acutely, unsure if she was doing the right thing or not. She closed her eyes tightly and turned her gaze to Sidoreli. He was waiting for her. She vented, regretting that she had panicked and made a hasty decision to retreat.

    How did she expect to break away from the past when she was the very person who was holding it prisoner? Now, even if she came back, he had the right to scold her for playing like that. Would she like it if someone paid her back with the same coin? He didn't think so.

    Anila turned around to face Sidoreli and walked towards him. She would tell him the truth, that she was caught up in the dilemma, that she was sorry, that it seemed as if she was playing, and she would understand, if he wanted, which was clearly understood, that he was going to wish for them not to continue the date any longer and that there would be no more informal communication between them, apart from formal and the latter necessarily from work.

    He got out of the car and waited for her next to the bar. She rouged in embarrassment as she got close enough to clearly see his strong, judging gaze upon her. If she left without saying anything, he probably wouldn't talk to her at all or stop her, but she would make the situation worse. She had to stick to the plan made a while ago, whatever his verbal response was.