Ruins of Autumn

10• This Is Your Plan!

    The silence between them was driving Brunilda nuts.
 
    She had told Anila on WhatsApp that she had met Blerimi, so as not to be misunderstood later, why she hadn't said anything about it and her cousin had only replied 'OK'.
 
    She didn't know what else to say to her to understand if everything was OK, and Blerimi hadn't told a fake version of the meeting between them.
 
    What was the matter with him? The negativity she felt from his insidious cunning was unbearable. How could Anila not notice that? She had been in a relationship before, but not so blind. Or was she aware of it all, and yet she kept silent for the sake of loving him? Brunilda would rather believe about herself, that she could risk in such a way when she had the clear warning that she had to cut off any kind of communication with someone, than about Anila.
 
    She had tried all those times to think that she was wrong and was really judging Blerimi prematurely, but the depth of her heart insisted that her premonition was correct and that he hadn't entered their lives with good intentions.
 
    What if he was a criminal and more trouble would be caused by him?
 
    She left the phone on the wooden dining table in the kitchen of her parents' house and felt overwhelmed as she sat on the white chair, putting her palms to the sides of her head, unsure of how to calm herself from overthinking and worrying about the future.
 
    If only they hadn't gone to the bar that May day and met Blerimi! Maybe they would have met him days later, anyway? 
 
    How that life chapter was going to end—she could not think of any safe version that they were going to experience, except for the threatening negative events on the horizon that would disturb their peace.
 
    'When are you coming?'
 
    The message from Anila that lit up the phone screen took her breath away for a moment.
 
    'The day after tomorrow.' She wrote with trembling hands.
 
    'OK, we'll talk.'
 
    She read the reply icily, as if her cousin had conveyed such a feeling to her through her thoughts, and Brunilda read the message silently in the same manner.
 
    She wrote the question, 'Has something happened?' but didn't send it. Maybe Anila wasn't going to tell her because she wanted to say it in front of her.
 
    The positive assumptions, that she was worrying in vain and there was no need to worry because she hadn't committed any crime, couldn't win the war against the negative ones, that were assuming what lies Blerimi would have told Anila about her, and Anila had trusted him.
 
    As much as she couldn't wait for the day after tomorrow, Brunilda wished for it to be delayed so she wouldn't face her best friend.
 
    Maybe if a little more time passed, Anila would understand that it was a mistake and that Blerimi couldn't be trusted, and she would be on Brunilda's side.
 
••••
    Brunilda opened the main door slowly that day and found Anila in the living room, watching TV.
 
    "I'm here," she announced quietly, and from Anila's bitter look, she understood that she was walking on thin ice and had to be careful with every word that she was going to say.
 
    "Did you miss me and realise that it's not psychological?" Brunilda asked, smiling. "I bought ice cream." She showed the pink box, and Anila stood up in front of her.
 
    "Blerimi told me about your meeting."
 
    "Unless he has spoken well, he has lied to you," Brunilda joked, to ease the awkward tension in the room.
 
    Anila looked at her, completely serious. 
 
    "Why don't you like him as a person?" She crossed her arms in front of her and looked at Brunilda suspiciously.
 
    "I have already told you. He seems like he is pretending; that's why."
 
    "That's why, or because you love him?"
 
    Brunilda felt trapped by the turning point of the conversation. The end was like the head of a waterfall, and if she didn't know how to navigate to get out of the flow towards it in time, she was going to fall and lose.
 
    "What do you mean, I love him?" She knew what, but she wished that Anila would change her mind and not doubt.
 
    "I mean that you have fallen in love with him," explained Anila bluntly.
 
    Brunilda wanted to ask how she could suspect something like that in her, but she stopped at the last moment. What was there to be surprised about? Both of them knew all those situations where best friends had stabbed each other in the back. Anila could really trust Brunilda, but she was right not to be totally sure about her. They were people, after all. How could she know what her best friend really thought?
 
    "Because he seems like a pretender to me," said Brunilda calmly. "It's just my impression of him."
 
    "Ida, I'm not a child!" Anila approached her, exasperated. "You think I don't know, how this story is? You act like you hate him, but in fact you love him."
 
    "No!" Brunilda vehemently opposed the accusation thrown at her. "I have never thought of such a thing."
 
    "Really? Then why didn't you tell me the whole conversation you had when you met at the RING Centre?"
 
    Brunilda's throat was constricted, and she couldn't speak.
 
    "You recalled what I'm talking about," her cousin read her reaction. "He told you that I am an extrovert, because you're an introvert, and you haven't said anything."
 
    "I have!"
 
    "What did you say?"
 
    "That you have been an extrovert before meeting me. Anila, he has lied to you! This is clear evidence that he is playing with you."
 
    "Why didn't you tell me about this, then?"
 
    "Because..." What should she tell her? "I forgot," Brunilda justified too quickly.
 
    "You forgot!" Anila laughed in disbelief.
 
    "Anila, I don't think you have ever experienced true love, and that's why you don't know it."
 
    Anila thought of her first love—just the romantic passion between them—and she couldn't contradict her friend, arguing that she had experienced true love.
 
    "Someone who loves you looks at you with another level of admiration. As if he wants to tell you that you have such a beautiful physical appearance and soul that there are no words to describe you, and therefore he says that compliment with a gaze. Even if you're only pieces, he sees you as the most epic masterpiece he has ever had in his life. Blerimi doesn't give you such a look," said Brunilda sadly.
 
    "He does, but only I notice it, and I don't think it's necessary for you to notice that too."
 
    "Tell me the truth," Brunilda wanted to know from her friend. "Ever since you first met him, you never had the feeling that he was deluding you?"
 
    Anila couldn't immediately say the answer 'no', because she had thought about it and couldn't deny it herself, no matter how much she wanted to be right. She had had such a feeling, but as time had passed in his company, she had convinced herself from his behaviour that Blerimi really felt for her.
 
    "No," Anila said flatly. "This is just your imagination, Brunilda. This is how you always act; you guess the worst about other people, as if you were an angel yourself."
 
    "Okay, let's end this conversation here."
 
    "Why should we end it?"
 
    "I don't want to fight with you. Better to be silent and think first about what we said and want to say, and then let's talk."
 
    "You're scared to communicate with people; that's why you say that—to avoid the conversation."
 
    Brunilda was getting enraged. "What is wrong with you?"
 
    "Not with me, but with you! It looks like you desperately want me to break up with Blerimi so that you can date him." Anila accused her.
 
    "What?" Brunilda frowned in revulsion. "No!"
 
    Anila chuckled bitterly.
 
    "Why are you so afraid of me? Maybe Blerimi wants to hang out with me," Brunilda argued. 
 
    "And you would accept immediately."
 
    "This makes you furious? Not that it's his fault too? Anila, I can't believe you're acting totally illogical. It is so clear that Blerimi has brainwashed you. You have no idea what you're talking about. You just want to be against me."
 
    "Blerimi opened my eyes. All this time, you have been counterfeiting with me! You act as an introvert, and that's why you can't go out, but you have only wanted me to become like that and completely cut myself off from the world because you're jealous of my achievements!"
 
    "What achievements?"
 
    Anila looked at her, insulted. "You asked that question on purpose. I can't believe that you're such a person, and I'm only realising it now. I have always tried well for you!" she indicted her loudly. "But you have taken advantage, and you have never respected me."
 
    "What are you talking about?" Brunilda was astonished by her vexation.
 
    "I am saying that you're a narcissist!" Anila replied, not wanting to care about Brunilda's state of mind because of her words. "You have never appreciated that I have tried all the time to make you feel important, as I try for myself. 'She is so naive!', you must have thought. Well, no more naivety. Since you want to feel zero all your life, just to put me down, feel zero! This is what you are, and that's why you behave this way!"
 
    Brunilda opened her mouth in shock at those words that felt like icy knives stabbed mercilessly into her heart, and she remained speechless.
 
    "See, what you made me say?" Anila arraigned while she closed her eyes. "Unless you suffer the biggest devastating hit, you don't learn otherwise, even if all the good things are offered to you."
 
    "I see that you've made your choice." Brunilda saw her, heartsore, and immediately turned around to leave the house. 
 
    She hated the fact that she couldn't hide her emotional state in front of Blerimi when she met him at the entrance steps of the apartment building.
 
    He immediately understood what had happened and dared to confirm with a smirk that it had all been his plan; Anila had fallen into a trap, and the consequences had also fallen on Brunilda's back.
 
    It hadn't been that hard to turn his girlfriend against her best friend. A few more arguments on why Brunilda behaved like an introvert, the suspicion that maybe she had feelings for him and that was the reason why she had often asked Anila to hang out together during those days, to create distance between them, the swearing that he only had feelings for Anila and had no other woman in his mind, a hug, and the rendition of anguish that Anila was such a kind-hearted person and tried to lighten up the lives of others, but they only wanted to take advantage of her by manipulating her into saying that they appreciated her love, and Anila had believed his version.
 
    He had doubted a little that Brunilda would have managed to open her eyes, but as far as he could tell from the expression on Brunilda's face and her hateful look towards him in those moments, he had won.
 
    "Good afternoon," he greeted her with an obviously barely restrained laugh, and he almost smirked even more when she walked past him without saying anything.
 
    She had to be thankful that Blerimi was leaving it that way. The last thing he had time to tolerate during that time was dealing with someone whose existence had never impressed him before and neither was going to in the future.
 
    If that plan to break her friendship with Anila hadn't  worked, he would have told his friend, Albioni, to kidnap Brunilda and sell her to some human trafficker.