Ruins of Autumn

67• Do You Belong To Me?

    The crash of something on the window of her room startled Anila with her breath held in fear, and she got up to see what it was. She placed the palm of her right hand on the bed and looked away, but didn't notice anything unusual that could help her understand.
 
    It had probably been a bird, she hypothesised, so as not to kill her mind any longer, and she turned her eyes more tired from sleep than relaxed by it towards the locked door.
 
    Visara's request to wake up echoed in her head because someone very important to her, according to her sister, had come to meet her, and then Visara's cry took place in her memory.
 
    Maybe it was a dream. Who could have come? Anila considered very important only Sidoreli and Brunilda, apart from her parents and Visara, and she didn't believe that one of them had come to see her. In Sidoreli's life story, she had ended her role as the ex-girlfriend, who had played with him, while in the second one, as the false friend, who had abandoned Brunilda for a man.
 
    It must have been a dream. How could Visara have entered Anila's room when the latter had all the keys?
 
    She took the black hair tie and tied her hair carelessly behind her head, removed the blanket, and with the weight of her body weakened significantly, but which she felt even heavier, she put on the white slippers, took the key from under the pillow, left the knife there, and headed towards the door to open it.
 
    In the corridor, she heard Visara singing in the bathroom. Anila's knocking twice interrupted her.
 
    "Visara."
 
    "Go to the living room," she said immediately. "I'm coming."
 
    Anila sighed and walked slowly towards the living room.
 
    The person sitting on the couch, wearing a white shirt and classic black trousers, and watching TV opened Anila's eyes more to the chastisement, that at that moment she wasn't dreaming, and entered with the same state of shock in the living room.
 
    Brunilda instantly stood up as if someone had just pushed her, and, afraid that Anila would throw a bottle in the air at her head, by shouting at her where she had found the courage to go to her house, she noticed the deep difference in her; all the bright light she once reflected had now faded, and Anila looked like a survivor of depression.
 
    Anila let the colour of her eyes shine more brightly from the tears, the latter falling free across her face until they dried like the burning of the fallen comets in the Earth's atmosphere, her feet to walk with quick steps towards Brunilda, and her arms to embrace her without her permission first.
 
    "Ida." She cried more when Brunilda returned the hug, felt again the comfort offered only by her closest friend, and hugged her tightly, refusing to let her go.
 
    Brunilda rested her head on Anila's shoulder and closed her eyes to fully feel all the peace that she had been missing in all those years from the ruin of their friendship and that Anila still loved her.
 
    "Ida, I'm so sorry." She broke away from her and used the backs of her thumbs to wipe the unshed tears from her thin face with prominent cheekbones. "I thought I was helping you for the better, trying to change you; I didn't notice that it was happening the opposite."
 
    "I'm sorry too. I was wrong," Brunilda wiped away her tears. "I was constantly complaining and looking at the negative side of things, and I never showed gratitude for your efforts. No matter how right you are, if you don't know how to use that advantage, you're lost."
 
    Anila kissed her on the right cheek and hugged her again. Brunilda had had the confrontation that Anila should have had a long time ago and had been forced to undergo all that suffering to understand the mistake made about her.
 
    Visara sighed deeply, relieved, when she entered the living room and saw them embracing. She put her hand on her chest and raised her head as if to say, 'Finally!'
 
    Brunilda chuckled at the expression on her face and stepped away from the smiling Anila as well.
 
    Visara took the cake from the fridge along with two forks and walked over to them.
 
    "And now, with the power given to me itself, I declare you best friends forever." She handed the dessert to both of them, and they laughed. "You can eat cake, and never end your friendship again."
 
    Anila happily took the fork from her side and tried the forest fruit cake.
 
    "How about I put a ration for each on your plates and we watch a movie together?" Visara offered.
 
    "Let's eat in my room," Anila asked Brunilda, and she agreed immediately.
 
    "Okay, I'm bringing the plates there, then." Visara watched them as they left the living room side by side and went to Anila's room.
 
    The friendship between them had always inspired her to have one like that herself, but she hadn't been able to have it even with her sister. Anila considered Brunilda to be her older sister. She was safe and happy in her presence.
 
    "This is my room," Anila showed around like a girl her newly bought doll to her best friend. "You saw it when you came a few hours ago. I thought that was a dream, because I usually lock the door when I sleep, and only I have the keys."
 
    "Visara told me that she had made two copies of them and checks on you often, when you're asleep, to make sure that you're okay.
 
    Anila bent her lips lightly, feeling good about the importance that her sister and her love gave her, but her conscience also criticised her for worrying Visara that much and forcing her to take such a measure.
 
    "Your room is so cool. I like the colours." Brunilda smiled at the combination of the soft dark blue colour of the walls with the white wardrobe, the desk with the shelf of the same colour next to the bed, the black bedside table, and the sweet feeling of walking on the warm parquet walnut colour.
 
    "Where do you want us to sit?"
 
    "Wherever you want," Brunilda smiled at her.
 
    "Tell me, honestly," asked Anila. "I don't mind at all, and I don't think that you're suggesting the wrong place." She read the fear in her eyes—that she would be judged for whatever opinion she gave.
 
    "On the bed," Brunilda said, a little more relaxed, and Anila led her, sitting at his head.
 
    "Here you go, girls," Visara brought the two dishes onto a wooden tray.
 
    "Thank you," Brunilda waited until she closed the door, and she was alone with Anila. "Visara texted me yesterday on Instagram. She asked me to meet today, and we talked about you. She said you weren't well at all, and she didn't know what to do."
 
    "I have upset her a lot." Anila felt rather guilty because she hadn't tried hard enough to fix that mistake.
 
    "Anila, I can't describe how sad I felt when I found out about Amarildo."
 
    His sister hardened her face and squinted her judgmental eyes with hatred.
 
    "Don't feel anymore!" she commanded mercilessly, and Brunilda didn't even think about going against her with that deep, soul-piercing look on herself.
 
    "OK," she understood that Anila had a reason for saying that, and she had to trust her decision. "Visara asked me to talk to you because maybe you would get better," she changed the subject to end the silence in the room. "I have wanted to come long ago and ask for your forgiveness, but I didn't think I deserved it since I said bad and unfair things about Blerimi. When I went home that day and thought about the accusations that I had thrown against him, I thought to myself that I had gotten out of line and had talked nonsense; no, he looks like a bad person; no, I have this feeling; no, that feeling... illogical. If all people were based only on feelings and not on rationality, the world would possibly not exist at all now. I should have given him a chance."
 
    "You were right about him." Anila couldn't look her in the eye when she accepted that fact, and Brunilda looked at her sadly. "I have thought, too, about coming and meeting you, but it didn't seem fair after all those words I said to you. Trust me. I have felt them so many times on myself."
 
    "I believe you," Brunilda said immediately. "I know that you were influenced by Blerimi, and I pushed you too; that's why you said those words. I saw on TV news of his death in America and the wounding of his wife. I knew that woman. I have shared an apartment with her."
 
    "When?" Anila was not able to create any hypotheses on how the events had flowed to reach that point.
 
    "Three years ago. She had just divorced from her husband, Albion Huba, and was looking for a house to rent."
 
    Albion...
 
    "It was Albioni." Blerimi put the switched-off phone on the table and looked at Anila with a mask of happiness, thanks to the moments they were living together. "The man who was at the table with me that day, we met at the bar in May. We're friends."
 
...
 
    "The enemy that you don't know you may have?" she asked, and Blerimi laughed.
 
    "Maybe. We're not close friends like you and your cousin are."
 
    "What's his last name? Maybe I know him."
 
    "Huba."
 
    Anila doubted that there was a drop of blood left on her face from the shock. What were those bottles in the air she was listening to? Leonora had first been married to Blerimi's close friend, and then to him?
 
    She remembered Graniti's face, Visara's remark about forced and arranged marriages, and the compulsion to touch someone's naked body, and she instantly had a negative impression of Leonora's brother.
 
    She easily imagined the shocked reaction that Visara would have made to that confession about Graniti, with the words, 'Wow! What an immoral person! How had he allowed someone to rape his sister?!"
 
    "She talked a little about her private life," Brunilda said. "She told me that she was from Puka and had an older brother, her father, and her stepmother. They had forced her into marriage with Albioni. It was like a typical book story. The good and quiet girl, who is tortured by her toxic family. Then her brother changed his mind and offered Leonora his support, if she wanted to leave Albioni. She didn't tell me anything about Blerimi, though, except that she had a boyfriend, and I found out from the news that she was married to him."
 
    "Do you still talk to Leonora?"
 
    "No, of course not. As soon as I found out that she knew Blerimi, I cut off all communication with her because of him. I didn't want to get into trouble."
 
    "You did the right thing." Anila supported her decision and ate the cake in silence.
 
    She kept the memory of the meeting between her and Leonora a secret so that only she would know and not be forced to tell Brunilda the reason why she had broken up with Blerimi.
 
    "I have the opinion that the north of Albania has suffered a little more than the rest of society's closed mentality because the issue of education has been pretty much neglected. I was talking to some colleagues when we were registering on the portal to start working as teachers, and one of them said that she would never agree to go to the north. There, it's like starting to build a house from the ground up. The centre and the south are a little more developed; they have the foundations ready. Now the north has changed a bit, too, but it still needs a lot of work."
 
    "Albania needs work in almost all its areas," Anila replied.
 
    "True. We need to review education in detail to fix society. We have all those opportunities that we don't use."
 
    "What do your students say?"
 
    "I teach in high school. They hate math to the extreme. Only a few like it."
 
    "Typical," chuckled Anila. "Well... tell me a little about youth. How are the girls? The boys? Is there someone who is known as the bad boy or the gangster girl? Such types make me laugh so hard. I've always liked to play with them."
 
    "Yes, there is one boy in particular. He likes himself too much, but despite that, his classmates don't call him a narcissist, and they like his company."
 
    "What about you? Have you met anyone?" She winked at her.
 
    "I have," Brunilda admitted. "I went out a while ago with an Albanian."
 
    "Throw the bottle." Anila ate the cake in a hurry.
 
    "Ugh, please." Brunilda ignored her enthusiasm with her eyes closed deeply. "I almost ended up in prison because of him."
 
    "Why?" Anila was afraid that Brunilda had suffered the same event as her.
 
    "I'm skipping the part of the introduction and going directly to the topic." Brunilda said. "He asked me, 'Are you torn?' "
 
    Anila could easily hear her heartbeat from the frozen body.
 
    "What?!" She put her hand over her mouth in shock.
 
    "Meaning, 'Have you had intimate intercourse?' " Brunilda clarified.
 
    "Yes, yes, I understood. Wow! How could he ask you like that?"
 
    "I felt such negativity," she twisted her face, remembering his voice. "I had a glass of red wine in my right hand and a knife next to it. I said to myself, 'Without using one of them against him, I don't end this date.' "
 
    Anila burst out laughing. "How funny it had been. How did you answer?"
 
    "I was in a dilemma at first: to tell him how angry I was, that he had asked me so unethically, or to act as if I didn't understand and put him in embarrassment, forcing him to ask me more bluntly, and I chose the second one. I said, 'I didn't understand you.' "
 
    Anila laughed. "I'm sorry." She apologised for her reaction. "But it seems so tragicomic to me."
 
    "It is, actually."
 
    "What did he say?"
 
    "He chuckled because he understood that I was pretending and asked if I had been in a relationship before. I told him that I hadn't. He immediately looked at me with more respect, and I had the feeling that he imagined me doing the housework for him."
 
    "This date has been all comedy."
 
    "Yeah, now that some time has passed, I recall it when I want to laugh."
 
    "And then? Wait. Did he believe you?"
 
    "No," Brunilda widened her eyes. " 'No way,' he said. 'Girls nowadays have boyfriends since they're twelve years old. You're twenty-six, and you've never been in a relationship in your life?' 'I haven't found anyone of my level,' I replied to him. 'And I haven't had the need to lower my standards for anyone.' "
 
    "You have replied well." Anila felt proud of her.
 
    "Then he complained to me that girls are only materialistic. 'Not all the girls,' he added directly.'
 
    "Well, of course; if you tell a girl constantly that she doesn't have to work, since that is only her husband's duty, and boys are told to find a woman who only knows how to do housework very well and raise children, and nothing more, both sides will become materialists. Everyone looks out for their interests and to please their family as well. Yes, he's right to some extent that many people had all the right conditions and yet followed that mentality: only the man will work and bring home money, and the woman will be a housewife and spend his money. And then she complains about why she lives that kind of life and makes her kids responsible for her mistakes. When those who have such freedom don't do the right thing, what is expected of the rest?"
 
    "To fly without having wings," Brunilda said, and Anila supported her opinion.
 
    "Did you get rid of that man, at least?"
 
    "Yes, I didn't meet him again after that date. To be honest, I thought about giving him another chance, with the idea that, when he understands, with the help of my point of view, that he is wrong, he will change his attitude. The typical act of us, as you know, it's in our blood to forgive without anyone asking us for forgiveness, but when he told me his wrong opinion on another topic, too, I said, 'Pilafi doesn't carry water anymore.' "
 
    "What did you talk about?"
 
    "I asked him about his basic family, what kind of family he has, how he gets along with the members... he didn't like it. He said, 'You're dating me, not my family.' I said. 'We might agree to go out again, maybe be in a relationship, get engaged, and get married. Who will our children grow up with? I don't allow toxic people into their lives. Because they will be in my kids' lives, whether you like it or not. They are of the same blood. Even if it weren't for the children, it was for us. I have the right to know what they say to you about me and how much you allow them to interfere in our personal lives.' Like some... males do. I can't say 'men', alive in the world. There are some women too, in fact, who make the same mistake. They allow their family members to interfere in their personal lives more than they should."
 
    "You have gone through a lot because of these kinds of people; you're not to blame. Well done for learning and not repeating the mistake." Anila congratulated her.
 
    "You remember well what I have told you." Brunilda felt appreciated that Anila had really listened attentively then. "But now that I'm killing my mind more, was I too hasty to include the family on the first date? He was probably just passing the time with me, and after that dinner, he wouldn't call me anymore."
 
    Anila smiled sadly at her, thinking so too, and Brunilda tilted her head, approvingly that she shouldn't have opened such a topic.
 
    "I did wrong," she muttered regretfully, that she hadn't thought a little longer before speaking.
 
    "Not on purpose," Anila clarified. "Your past has created protective mechanisms for you so that it doesn't happen again, and that's why it seemed important to you to take measures while you were on time, and you asked him. Anyone would have thought about doing the same. It's understandable to try protecting yourself when you consider the environment you grew up in."
 
    "You're right. My mom's soul has been exhausted by my dad's family. My three aunts and my two uncles constantly told him to divorce her because she couldn't give birth to a son and had only given him two daughters."
 
    "It takes a lot of power to raise girls. Many men aren't that strong and therefore prefer boys. Girls are more at risk of being trafficked and sold for their bodies than boys. Then it becomes a matter of honour; men feel ashamed for not being strong enough to take care of their daughters." Anila sighed, heartbroken by the story that is still repeated nowadays for many women and girls. "Do you keep arguing with your parents on this topic?"
 
    "Not like I used to. Xhensila tells me to get over it, but I can't. Not when I remember all those times when my mother used to look at me and my sister as if it were our fault that we were born girls and not hers, because she was married to a man who didn't appreciate humans enough and had toxic family members. She threw us like lambs in front of the wolves."
 
    "It wasn't all her fault," Anila defended her. "If she had divorced your father, where would she have gone? Her own family wouldn't have accepted her."
 
    "I never blamed her completely. I have always left that kind of weight to my dad, because he has had more opportunities than my mother. But she is responsible for wanting to marry Dad. Didn't she know what kind of family he had? What kind of person he was? In this situation, you have to think about the future. What if such people never change and are just as toxic? What kind of life do you want to give your child? Just toxicity? Because that's what toxic people do to you if you don't take action. Children don't know that much. Their parents have to protect them. What is this evilness?"
 
    "Pilafi is burnt. We have to cook another one." Anila's finding made Brunilda laugh.